Whilst doing some harmless research on the internets today, I accidentally stumbled across a sinister realization:

Neil Diamond and Neil Gaiman are the same person.

Think about it –

-Gaiman and Diamond practically rhyme.
-Neil Gaiman wrote Coraline, and Neil Diamond wrote Sweet Caroline.
-Neil Diamond sings Forever in Blue Jeans, and Gaiman wears the very same (though he seems to wear leather pants more often, I concede).
-One of the main characters in Neil Gaiman’s fantastic Sandman series is the Dream King. Neil Diamond “coincidentally” has a song called Thank the Lord for the Night Time
-Neil Diamond sings Marry Me, and it’s been reported that Gaiman once uttered that EXACT PHRASE to his wife Mary – and with what did he seal the deal? A DIAMOND.

Think about it.

And the irrefutable evidence that cements my findings:

I was completely unable to find a SINGLE PHOTO of Neil Diamond and Neil Gaiman together; and:

I had to go public with this. Despite my concern for my own safety, THE WORLD MUST KNOW THE TRUTH. If I meet with an untimely demise – Hunt the MegaNeil!