Edward's Twilight: edward's version of twilight - Softcover

Veillon, Joseph

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1475162154 ISBN 13: 9781475162158

Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2012

Synopsis

Warning to Twilight fans: Edward's Twilight  is merciless in its good natured mockery of Twilight, and is not endorsed by Stephenie Meyer.   
 
Edward's Twilight  has been Amazon's #1 TRUE Twilight parody for the past 4 years.

What Amazon reviewers say about Edward's Twilight:

"Awesome and the twist at the end was amazing." - "Clever and witty dialogue, very good parody." - "This book is awesome." - "Finally, a parody that really 'gets' Twilight." - "Really clever." - "Kept me entertained and well written." - "A very good parody." - "It wasn't what I expected, but it was still amazing." - "Well written and downright hilarious." - "Excellent parody of Twilight." - "It must be good my teenager hasn't put it down." - "Edward's Twilight was awesome." - "The ending is very cool." - "Creative and funny." - "Hilarious and spot on, the author did a good job." - "I love Twilight but this book was a great parody." - "The author's use of synonyms just slayed me. Priceless." - "Well written and very humorous." - "I love a good parody and this is a GREAT one!" - "The parody is flawless." - "This novel is a parody and a very good one." - "5 stars baby! I love the ending." "Great read and highly recommended." - "I love Twilight but this is hilarious." - "Very funny and creative." - "I've read a few Twilight parodies, this is the best." - "Would recommend this book to any Twilight fan that can take a joke." - "This parody was hilarious and spot on."

BOOK DESCRIPTION

Edward's Twilight is a wickedly irreverent parody of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, and is the first and only book to tell Edward's version of Twilight. Far more faithful to the original story than any other book, Edward's Twilight is the first true Twilight parody. Set in the eccentric town of Full Moon, Washington, the alternate universe of Twilight's Forks, and narrated by Edward Cullen himself in the voice of his alter ego, Edwin Dullen, Edward's Twilightentertainingly recreates Meyer's vampire tale as Edwin Dullen and girlfriend Jezebella Penguin perfectly and mercilessly spoof the wacky relationship between Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. Nothing is off limits as Edwin and Jezebella offer witty and critical commentary on Meyer's characters, writing, and all things Twilight.

About this title

From the Author:

QUOTES FROM EDWARD'S TWILIGHT

"What is she doing? Sniffing her hair? Curses, swearwords, and unholy vexations! She smells it, that putrescent rotting aroma of the dead known in the world of perfumery as the vampire bouquet."

"That is so much better, Edwin. Things are now as clear as the muddled plot of a teenaged girl-vampire-werewolf love triangle in a dream-induced novel."

"Actually, a lot of people in Full Moon believe the werewolf legend. People have been finding piles of smelly, shredded clothes in the woods for a couple of years now."

"If Stephenie had not written us into that literary blasphemy of hers, we would not be doomed to an existence of endless ridicule and disparagement."

"The sweet fragrance of her blood excited my most base instincts and my most contemptible desires. I would definitely need to see Father Karras for confession."

"Have you thought about killing me?"

"In all of vampire history, there has never been a twinkling vampire. That nonsensical idea has set vampirism back at least two thousand years."

"Research? No way," Jezebella retorted. "I just wrote down some random stuff that I made up."

"You could prick my finger and have a little taste," Jezebella offered, rubbing a finger lightly over my lips and then easing it into my mouth.

"Knowing that you hunger for my blood makes wanting to be with you even more irrational, reckless, and crazy, but I crave that spine-chilling sensation of menace and fear that I feel in your presence."

"If this had not been written into Twilight we would not have had to spoof it and I would have been spared this undignified humiliation."

"Taking no chances with her safety, we locked Jezebella in a closet upstairs in Argyle's office with Nosferatu and Barnabas posted as guards for the duration of the tournament."

"An old crone Gypsy fortune teller with a traveling Romanian carnival mysteriously foretold that Jezebella would join me 'in the fourth book.' Although this vague prophecy gave me a measure of hope, I was grief-stricken at the thought of suffering through three more volumes of this sleepy literary impersonation."

"I'm sure, Edwin," she whispered, turning her head to the side and exposing her luscious, quivering neck to me.

"There was a lot of talk in those Twilight books about Denali, but in reality there is no town or village named Denali anywhere in Alaska."

"After only a few weeks, not only was I willing to leave my family and friends, give up my dreams, and sacrifice my self-esteem, but I was also ready to forfeit my humanity and even my very life in order to spend eternity with a manipulative, controlling, and emotionally distant vampire with anger issues."

"My face morphed into a grimace of confused torment that looked like that famous painting called The Scream. My body perversely twisted this way and that way in a frenzied corporeal tantrum that resembled a chaotic jumble of the thriller dance, the funky chicken, the twist, the running man, and the hokey pokey. I finally collapsed atop the desk and lay drooling like a rabid dog. I must have looked like an unhinged lunatic."

"In the space of mere seconds, a few molecules of Jezebella's tomato juice scent had reduced me to a sordid, mindless monster, loathsome and shameful in the weakness of my hunger. I swallowed hard and inched closer."

"The idea of a vampire with a buff, toned, chiseled body of nearly indestructible stone with venom for blood is completely absurd and preposterous. The whole idea completely disregards not only time-honored literary tradition but also the fundamental and irrefutable laws of biology, biochemistry, and physics. You can Google it."

From the Back Cover:

My fiendish hunger for Jezebella was urgent. Her scent was sweeter than any human I had ever smelled and I eventually dared to creep a few inches more toward her side of the table. My self-control quivered as I struggled to choke back my desire and restrain my desperate urges. I was deranged with longing and frenzied with sinful desire for this luscious human creature. As my body convulsed with lust I could feel myself channeling the spirits of the great vampire masters - Lugosi, Lee, Hamilton, Murphy, Nielsen, Count von Count.

About this edition

• Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
• Publication date: 2012
• ISBN 10: 1475162154
• ISBN 13: 9781475162158
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 6
• Number of pages: 152