David Letterman's New Book of Top Ten Lists: and Wedding Dress Patterns for the Husky Bride - Softcover

Letterman, David

Softcover

ISBN 10: 055376358X ISBN 13: 9780553763584

Publisher: Random House Publishing Group, 1996

Synopsis

Get the book that tells the world: “I like to read large-print TV tie-ins!”
 
Top ten wise-ass things to say to the clerk as you purchase this book:
10. “Don’t bother wrapping it. I’ll eat it here.”
9. “I can’t believe some jerks just go to the library and check out books for free!”
8. “MEEEEOW!! You sell books to kitties, don’t you?”
7. “Whoa! You must go to Letterman’s barber.”
6. “You know, they really ought to do one of those Cops-type shows about bookstore clerks.”
5. “I was going to shoplift this book, but my pants are already full of supermarket steaks.”
4. “Do you have a bag or something? I don’t want anyone to see me with this.”
3. “If this book gives me a paper cut, I’m suing your sorry ass.”
2. “Can you Super Size this?”
1. “You gotta sell me some diphthongs, man! I’m Hooked on Phonics!”

About this title

Review:

From the man who needs no introduction but gets one every night anyway on NBC... er, I mean CBS: One-hundred-and-sixty-five Top Ten lists! We couldn't find a Top Ten about the Internet to share with you, but here's a list that comes close (and closer every day):

Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Long-Distance Company

10. So-called "dial tone" is just a guy with a kazoo
9. Everyone you talk to sounds like the drive-through at Wendy's
8. All calls are ten cents for the first minute, $94 each additional minute
7. In the background of every call you make: giggling
6. When you tell the operator you're trying to call a friend in Vermont, she laughs and says, "Hey pal, this ain't the Jetsons!
5. No matter what number you dial, the same guy answers
4. They insist on being paid with "ass, gas, or grass"
3. Every time you pick up the receiver, dirty gray water pours out
2. They bill you for calls made by somebody named Pepe, and when you complain, they say, "Whatsa problem, man, you no like Pepe?"
1. Their slogan is "Reach out and touch yourself"

And, the book really does come with a special bonus set of plans for an end-table by Norm Stamper: it looks pretty solid.

From the Publisher:

David Letterman's Book of Top Ten Lists
and Zesty Lo-Cal Chicken Recipes

by David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman Writers

It's like watching TV -- with the added danger of paper cuts!

Top Ten Apologies to People Buying This Book:

10. Cheap glue will only hold the thing together for about six days.

9. Some kids sneaked into the printing plant and added the word "ass" to alot of the lists.

8. It costs about a dime to print one of these babies -- now take a look atthe retail price, sucker!

7. We're using the money we make to buy "little Dutch girl" outfits for Dave'spoodles.

6. The book was hastily assembled overseas by jabbering foreigners who don'tgive a damn about you or your family.

5. A drunk maintenance guy fell into the press and parts of him appear onpages 68-87.

4. Felt safe making jokes about the Amish on TV; forgot some of them mightactually see the book.

3. Dave insisted on writing some of these and we had to play along.
.
2. There is no remote control. Don't look for one.

1. The book ain't much better than the TV show.

Copyright (c)1995 by Worldwide Pants Incorporated

About this edition

• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Publication date: 1996
• ISBN 10: 055376358X
• ISBN 13: 9780553763584
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 188