The Street Bible

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9780007107902: The Street Bible

First off, nothing. No light, no time, no substance, no matter. Second off, God starts it all off and WHAP! Stuff everywhere! Genesis 1:1 It's creative. It's colourful. It's the Bible as you've never read it. In this engaging new paraphrase, author and actor Rob Lacey renders the Bible in the language of the modern urban reader. Using MTV-style dialogue, Lacey lends fresh perspective to familiar stories and sayings. For new and seasoned readers alike, the street bible takes the message of the Scriptures into the 21st century to create the impact it had in the 1st century.

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About the Author:

Rob Lacey was a nationally known writer and performer and an award-winning broadcaster. He authored Are We Getting Through? and the street bible.

Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Genesis / Stuff Starts up Genesis 1:1-2:3 Something out of nothing 1-2 First off, nothing. No light, no time, no substance, no matter. Second off, God starts it all up and WHAP! Stuff everywhere! The cosmos in chaos: no shape, no form, no function -- just darkness... total. And floating above it all, God's Holy Spirit, ready for action. 3-5 Day one: Then God's voice booms out, 'Lights!' and, from nowhere, light floods the skies and 'night' is swept off the scene. God gives it the big thumbs up, calls it 'day'. 6-8 Day two: God says, 'I want a dome -- call it 'sky' -- right there between the waters above and below.' And it happens. 9-13 Day three: God says, 'Too much water! We need something to walk on, a huge lump of it -- call it 'land'. Let the 'sea' lick its edges.' God smiles, says, 'Now we've got us some definition. But it's too plain! It needs colour! Vegetation! Loads of it. A million shades. Now!' And the earth goes wild with trees, bushes, plants, flowers and fungi. 'Now give it a growth permit.' Seeds appear in every one. 'Yesss!' says God. 14-19 Day four: 'We need a schedule: let's have a 'sun' for the day, a 'moon' for the night; I want 'seasons', 'years'; and give us 'stars', masses of stars -- think of a number; add a trillion; then times it by the number of trees and we're getting there: we're talking huge!' 20-23 Day five: 'OK, animals: amoeba, crustaceans, insects, fish, amphibians, reptiles, birds, mammals... I want the whole caboodle teeming with a million varieties of each -- and let's have some fun with the shapes, sizes, colors, textures!' God tells them all, 'You've got a growth permit -- use it!' He sits back and smiles, says, 'Result!' 24-31 Day six: Then God says, 'Let's make people -- like us, but human, with flesh and blood, skin and bone. Give them the job of caretakers of the vegetation, game wardens of all the animals.' So God makes people, like him, but human. He makes male and female (for the 'how', see later). He smiles at them and gives them their job description: 'Make babies! Be parents, grandparents, great-grandparents -- fill the earth with your families and run the planet well. You've got all the plants to eat from, so have all the animals -- plenty for all. Enjoy.' God looks at everything he's made, and says, 'Fantastic. I love it!' 2:1-3 Day seven: Job done -- the cosmos and the earth complete. God takes a bit of well-earned RandR and just enjoys. He makes an announcement: 'Let's keep this day of the week special, a day off -- a battery-recharge day: Rest Day.' RL-Then we rewind a bit for the detail on man's arrival on the scene.* Matthew 6:9-13 Template for Talking to God 9-13 God in heaven, you're our dad. We respect everything you stand for. We want others to. Please bring heaven on earth: people living life your way, like the angels do. Please bring us what we need to keep us going each day. Please acquit us, as we cancel our grievances and throw them all away. Please pull us back from the edge of evil, if we're falling, or being thrown. 'Cos you're all that matters; you're able to do it and you're to take the credit. You're on your own. It's your throne. Absolutely! RL-More instructions on using the hotline to God: don't milk it; do it in secret -- God sees. Don't invest in goods with a sell-by date; build up your balance in heaven. Don't let dosh boss you around. Don't panic. Don't judge, especially when you're just as guilty. Don't waste sacred things on couch potatoes or airheads... Matthew 7:7-12 Keep on 7-8 'Keep on keeping on at God. Keep asking -- you'll get it. Keep searching -- you'll find it. Keep pushing the doors -- you'll get through. If you don't ask, you won't recognize the answer. If you don't search, you won't remember what you're looking for. If you don't push the door, you won't know if it's been opened. Luke 15:1-32 Dad of the decade 1-3 Jesus is surrounded by a whole range of undesirables. 'Course, the religious leaders and law enforcers spot this and start their 'tutting and frowning' routine again; 'this chap doesn't only talk to these lowlifes; he actually shares his lunch with them!' they whine. So Jesus says, loud enough for the Tutting Club to hear... RL-A trilogy of stories about losing things. But the first two, a coin and a sheep, are just warm-ups for the big one... 11-12 'This factory owner guy has two sons. The kid brother gets it into his skull that he's had enough. He goes to his dad, and as much as wishes the old man dead: he asks for his half of the inheritance, sharpish. The dad almost has a heart attack from the shock, but he sits down, does the sums, sells some shares and hands over half the family assets. 13-16 'The son doesn't even hang around to hear his dad's top ten tips for survival. He legs it. Within weeks he's off to foreign climes, spending the nights filling the glasses of the designer set with his liquid assets. He has such a great time he can't remember any of it the next day. 'Course, the money goes down the toilet. So do the 'friends' when they realize he's skint. So he surfs around and finds a site called www.worstjobsposs.com. He scrolls through the search results and ends up cleaning out the pigsties -- not such a great career move, since he still counts himself Jewish. 17-20a 'He's there with his shovel, scratching away and suddenly a light bulb goes on just above his head: 'What am I doing? The worst job in the old man's empire is, like, jet-setter status compared to this. If I had any food in my stomach, I'd be throwing up. I'll hitchhike home. Work on a speech -- something like 'You don't have to think of me as family, but please, give us a job.'' 20b 'After a long hot trip, he turns the corner into his old street. His dad sees him and runs out into the street in his slippers, throws his arms round him, lifts him up and spins him round. And the noise! The whole street hears it. Soooo embarrassing!

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