When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along - Hardcover

Coleman PhD, Joshua

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0061148423 ISBN 13: 9780061148422

Publisher: William Morrow, 2007

Synopsis

This unique book helps parents work through the pain, shame, and sense of loss that they feel when their relationship with their older or adult children has not turned out as they hoped or expected

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we lose the opportunity to be the parent we desperately want to be and must mourn the loss of a harmonious relationship with our child. Although this situation may seem hopeless, When Parents Hurt is designed to help us through this intensely difficult situation with compassion and thoughtfulness.

Through healing exercises and case examples, Dr. Joshua Coleman helps parents:

• Reduce anger, guilt, and shame
• Learn how temperament, the teen years, a partner’s or their own mistakes, and divorce can harm the parent-child bond
• Come to terms with their imperfections, as well as their child’s
• Develop strategies for reaching out and for maintaining their self-esteem through trying times
• Understand how society’s expectations contribute to the risk of parental wounds

By helping parents recognize what they can do—and to let go of what they cannot control—When Parents Hurt helps families develop more positive ways of relating to themselves and each other.

About this title

About the Author

Dr. Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized expert in parenting, couples, families, and relationships. He is a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. The author of two critically acclaimed books, The Marriage Makeover and The Lazy Husband, he is a frequent contributor to the San Francisco Chronicle, and his advice has been featured in the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, Psychology Today, the Times (London), and elsewhere. He is a frequent guest on the Today show and has appeared on 20/20, Good Morning America, and many other news programs. He lives with his family in the San Francisco Bay area.

From the Back Cover

This unique book supports parents who are struggling with the heartache of having a teenager or an adult child who is troubled, angry, or distant. Such rifts can cause unspeakable sorrow that parents too often must bear alone. Psychologist and parent Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., offers insight, empathy, and perspective to those who have lost the opportunity to be the parent they desperately wanted to be and who are mourning the loss of a harmonious relationship with their child. Through case examples and healing exercises, Dr. Coleman helps parents:

• Reduce anger, guilt, and shame
• Learn how temperament, the teen years, their own or a partner's mistakes, and divorce can strain the parent-child bond
• Come to terms with their own and their child's imperfections
• Maintain self-esteem through difficult times
• Develop strategies for rebuilding the relationship or move toward acceptance of what can't be changed
• Understand how society's high expectations of parents contribute to the risk of parental wounds

By helping parents recognize what they can do, and let go of what they cannot, Dr. Coleman helps families develop more positive ways of healing themselves and relating to each other.

Reviews

Parenting and relationship expert Coleman points out that one can be a devoted parent and still have things run amok. Parents who have made mistakes and those who haven't can both be involved in a hurtful relationship with an older child; Coleman's focus is on helping the parent cope and carry on. In individual chapters, he explores the many reasons why a relationship can falter, examining how divorce, mismatches in child/parent personalities and the demands of a competitive society can adversely affect the child/parent relationship. Using case studies from his psychology practice as well as his own experiences as a divorced father who once faced a difficult time with his eldest daughter, Coleman provides strategies for managing the guilt and regret that can arise in parents as children grow into teens and young adults. He advises parents to take responsibility for their past actions, to make amends, to forgive both themselves and their children, and to move guilt and shame to the background and gratitude to the foreground. By following these "essential principles," Coleman claims, emotionally wounded parents will begin to overcome the pain of relationships gone awry and move on to a more hopeful future. Coleman's personable writing style makes this an engaging read despite the serious subject matter. (June)
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Edition details

• Publisher: William Morrow
• Publication date: 2007
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0061148423
• ISBN 13: 9780061148422
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 320