I Heart My Little A-Holes: A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting

3.76 avg rating
( 2,956 ratings by GoodReads )
 
9780062341624: I Heart My Little A-Holes: A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting

Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog.

Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

Review:

Karen Alpert

There are a Lot of Reasons I Wrote This Book, I Mean, Besides Money by Karen Alpert

When I had my daughter I remember looking down at my newborn and thinking there’s a reason God made babies ridiculously cute. So we wouldn’t give them away. Or eat them. Because having a kid is like the hardest thing on earth. I mean yeah it’s super rewarding and you can’t help but loving them to pieces, but no one ever tells you before you have kids just how difficult it’s going to be.

And you’d never know it from looking at Facebook or Pinterest. You’d think that having kids is all hunky dory and awesome and smiley, like unicorns flying over rainbows. Wait, unicorns don’t fly. Fine, unicorns with wings. But I digress.

So this is why I wrote this book. To let parents everywhere know that they are not alone. That parenting is hard for everyone. Being preggers, breastfeeding, tantrums, explosive blowout diapers, bedtimes, naptimes, scraping projectile vomit off the ceiling, scraping projectile poop off the wall, the terrible twos, the terrible threes, the terrible fours, etc etc etc.

Okay, pardon me while I get all serious for a moment here. Picture a mom who just had a baby for the first time. Her hormones are bouncing off the walls like a pinball machine that’s being played by a kid who just chugged four Red Bulls, her nipples feel like they’re being eaten by fire ants, and her new baby hasn’t let her sleep more than two straight hours in the past three weeks. This little tiny being is constantly with her, and yet she’s never felt so alone. This is the reason I wrote this book.

Picture a mom standing in the middle of a supermarket where her kid is literally going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs because she won’t buy them, and everyone in the store is staring at her like she is the worst parent on earth. This is the reason I wrote this book.

Picture a mom looking at the clock figuring out that she has exactly 84 minutes until her husband comes home from work. Or a dad knowing he has exactly 176 days until his wife comes home from Afghanistan. Or a mom doing it all alone day after day after day because she’s single. This is the reason I wrote this book.

Kids are awesome. We love them to death and once we have them we can’t imagine life without them. But they’re also little a-holes who torture us on a daily basis and make us feel like we’re doing it all wrong. This is the reason I wrote this book. To make people laugh and feel a little less alone in the impossible, awesome, horrendous, amazing, challenging, exciting, disgusting, unbelievable job of being a parent.


From the Back Cover:

Popular blogger Karen Alpert shares her hysterical take on the many "joys" of parenting—I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

Top Search Results from the AbeBooks Marketplace

1.

Alpert, Karen
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Quantity Available: > 20
Seller
BWB
(Valley Stream, NY, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Book Condition: New. Depending on your location, this item may ship from the US or UK. Bookseller Inventory # 97800623416240000000

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 10.24
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

2.

Alpert, Karen
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States (2014)
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 10
Seller
The Book Depository US
(London, United Kingdom)
Rating
[?]

Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2014. Hardback. Book Condition: New. 184 x 144 mm. Language: English . Brand New Book. Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it s all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they re a-holes. At times like these, it s only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it s against the law (and there s the suicide hotline). Plus, there s that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you ll wish you were wearing a diaper. Bookseller Inventory # AA89780062341624

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 10.26
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

3.

Alpert, Karen
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States (2014)
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 10
Seller
The Book Depository
(London, United Kingdom)
Rating
[?]

Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2014. Hardback. Book Condition: New. 184 x 144 mm. Language: English . Brand New Book. Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it s all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they re a-holes. At times like these, it s only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it s against the law (and there s the suicide hotline). Plus, there s that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you ll wish you were wearing a diaper. Bookseller Inventory # AA89780062341624

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 10.77
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

4.

Alpert, Karen
Published by Harper Collins Publishers
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Quantity Available: > 20
Seller
INDOO
(Avenel, NJ, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Harper Collins Publishers. Book Condition: New. Brand New. Bookseller Inventory # 0062341626

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 8.89
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.50
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

5.

Alpert, Karen
Published by Harpercollins (2014)
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Quantity Available: > 20
Seller
Paperbackshop-US
(Commerce, GA, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Harpercollins, 2014. HRD. Book Condition: New. New Book. Shipped from US within 10 to 14 business days. Established seller since 2000. Bookseller Inventory # VC-9780062341624

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 8.41
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

6.

Alpert, Karen
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Inc (2014)
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Quantity Available: > 20
Seller
PBShop
(Wood Dale, IL, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, 2014. HRD. Book Condition: New. New Book.Shipped from US within 10 to 14 business days. Established seller since 2000. Bookseller Inventory # IB-9780062341624

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 9.73
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

7.

Alpert, Karen
Published by William Morrow
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 4
Seller
Movie Mars
(Indian Trail, NC, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description William Morrow. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. 0062341626 Brand New Book. Ships from the United States. 30 Day Satisfaction Guarantee!. Bookseller Inventory # 17061695

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 9.98
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

8.

Alpert, Karen
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Hardcover Quantity Available: > 20
Seller
BargainBookStores
(Grand Rapids, MI, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Hardcover. Book Condition: New. Bookseller Inventory # 7301556

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 10.10
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

9.

Alpert, Karen
Published by William Morrow (2014)
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 20
Seller
Murray Media
(North Miami Beach, FL, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description William Morrow, 2014. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. Bookseller Inventory # 0062341626

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 11.72
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 2.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

10.

Alpert, Karen
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Inc
ISBN 10: 0062341626 ISBN 13: 9780062341624
New Hardcover Quantity Available: > 20
Seller
THE SAINT BOOKSTORE
(Southport, United Kingdom)
Rating
[?]

Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc. Hardback. Book Condition: new. BRAND NEW, I Heart My Little A-Holes: A Bunch of Holy-Crap Moments No One Ever Told You About Parenting, Karen Alpert, Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper. Bookseller Inventory # B9780062341624

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 7.40
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 7.40
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

There are more copies of this book

View all search results for this book