Off to College: A Guide for Parents (Chicago Guides to Academic Life) - Hardcover

Martin, Roger H.

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 022629563X ISBN 13: 9780226295633

Publisher: University of Chicago Press, 2015

Synopsis

For many parents, sending their child off to college can be a disconcerting leap. After years spent helping with homework, attending parent-teacher conferences, and catching up after school, college life represents a world of unknowns. What really happens during that transitional first  year of college? And what can parents do to strike the right balance between providing support and fostering independence?
With Off to College, Roger H. Martin helps parents understand this important period of transition by providing the perfect tour of the first year on today’s campus. Martin, a twenty-year college president and former Harvard dean, spent a year visiting five very different colleges and universities across the United States—public and private, large and small, elite and non-elite—to get an insider’s view of modern college life. He observes an advising session as a student sorts out her schedule, unravels the mysteries of roommate assignments with a residence life director, and patrols campus with a safety officer on a rowdy Saturday night. He gets pointers in freshman English and tips on athletics and physical fitness from coaches. He talks with financial aid officers and health service providers. And he listens to the voices of the first–year students themselves. Martin packs Off to College with the insights and advice he gained and bolsters them with data from a wide variety of sources to deliver a unique and personal view of the current student experience.
The first year is not just the beginning of a student’s college education but also the first big step in becoming an adult. Off to College will help parents understand what to expect whether they’re new to the college experience or reconciling modern campus life with memories of their own college days.

About this title

About the Author

Roger H. Martin served as president of Moravian College in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and Randolph-Macon College in Ashland, Virginia. Today, he serves on the Board of Education in Mamaroneck, New York, and is president of Academic Collaborations, Inc., a higher education consulting firm. In 2008, Martin spent a year experiencing life as a first-year student at St. John’s College in Annapolis, Maryland, which serves as the basis of his book Racing Odysseus: A College President Becomes a Freshman Again.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Off to College

A Guide for Parents

By Roger H. Martin

The University of Chicago Press

Copyright © 2015 The University of Chicago
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-226-29563-3

Contents

Preface, 
Introduction, 
1. Making the Transition, 
2. Orientation, 
3. Teaching and Advising, 
4. First-Year Finance, 
5. Living on Campus, 
6. Health and Safety, 
7. Athletics and Physical Fitness, 
8. First Gens, 
9. First-Year Students with Disabilities, 
10. Growing Up, 
Postscript, 
Acknowledgments, 
Notes, 
Index, 

CHAPTER 1

Making the Transition

High school students have a somewhat fanciful notion of what college will be like once they arrive at orientation. Disneyland with a beer garden readily comes to mind. All they know is that their lives as college students will be a vast improvement over their lives in high school.

To begin to get a sense of what the transition is like for high school students as they go off to college, I make a plan to interview Phoebe and Nathan — the two MHS seniors I had recently met at Senior Seminar — as they prepare to leave for orientation at Tufts University, a medium-size, highly selective university in Medford, Massachusetts, only a few minutes from downtown Boston. I will interview them again next June to find out what they learned as new students. Their parents have agreed to join us, so I'll have an opportunity to know what's on their minds as well.

Nathan has been accepted into Tufts School of Engineering. Not only does he want to be an engineer, he already knows he wants to be a mechanical engineer because, he says, "I've been tinkering with mechanical objects all my life." Phoebe, in contrast, doesn't have a clue what she will major in. Maybe math. Maybe Spanish. All Phoebe knows is that she will be taking lots of different courses in the School of Arts and Sciences. She is bubbling over with enthusiasm and is proudly wearing a brand new Tufts sweatshirt. According to Dr. Fritz Grupe, founder of MyMajors.com, only 20 percent of incoming college students, like Nathan, know what they want to major in. Phoebe is more typical, as part of the 80 percent who have no clue.

I ask Nathan and Phoebe how they hope college will be different from high school. Nathan says with self-assurance that he hopes he can take courses that he wants to take rather than being told what to take. I don't have the heart to tell him that most undergraduate engineering programs are extremely proscribed, even more so than high school! Phoebe agrees with Nathan. With great confidence, she tells me that she is also looking forward to making her own decisions, but when she notices that her parents are looking at her in a strange way she checks herself and adds, "Not that I don't have freedom at home right now. I mean, I'm a very independent person and mom and dad have given me plenty of leeway. But at college I will really be on my own." Both Nathan and Phoebe agree that with all this newfound freedom and independence, college will be just short of achieving Nirvana.

Indeed, most high school seniors will publicly claim they no longer need their parents, but privately they aren't too sure about this. I ask Nathan and Phoebe how they plan to survive without their parents telling them what to do. Before Nathan can answer my question, his father assures me that his son will do just fine. "I'm not sure about that, dad," Nathan jumps in with a grin, "Who's going to do my laundry?" Everyone laughs, especially Nathan's mother.

Phoebe's mother, who is obviously struggling with the fact that her daughter will soon be leaving for college puts a different spin on my query. She says that the real question is how she and her husband are going to survive without Phoebe. "She is the tech support in our house," Phoebe's mother says. "I'm not sure how we're going to cope without her." Phoebe picks up on her mother's distress and declares with obvious affection that she's going to miss her parents greatly and might even be a little homesick for awhile. And then, not wanting to be too sullen, adds a bit of levity: "Actually, I'll miss Mayzie the most." Mayzie is Phoebe's dog.

I ask Phoebe and Nathan how often they plan to come home during the school year to visit their parents or how often their parents plan to visit them at Tufts. Both are planning only for the major holidays, but Phoebe adds that she will be seeing her parents at some of her soccer matches. She is hoping to play on the varsity team.

I then ask them how, outside of home or campus visits, they plan to stay in touch with their families. The average college student is in contact with their parents via all means of communication an unbelievable 13.4 times per week! "Tough question to answer," Phoebe's mom volunteers. "We're a close family and we've always had great conversations around the breakfast and dinner table. This will obviously have to change. With Phoebe away at college maybe we'll text each other." I half-jokingly ask Phoebe's mom whether she can text as fast as her daughter. "You better believe it!" she boasts.

I turn to Nathan's mother. She says that she plans to stay in touch with Nathan by calling him on his cell phone. "And she'll do this every hour," Nathan laughs. "Also by e-mail and texting," Nathan's mom continues, ignoring her son.

First-year college students are notorious for packing far more than they really need — such as a year's supply of coffee filters — so I am curious to know what Nathan and Phoebe are planning to take with them to college the next day. Phoebe tells me that since she shares half her wardrobe with her mom this will be a challenge. "You mean, dear, since you use half my wardrobe this will be a challenge," Phoebe's mother affectionately corrects her daughter. "Also, I plan to take my 'bankie' and the pillow my brother Liam made me for my eighteenth birthday. You know, the brown and light blue pillow with 'TUFTS' crocheted into it." Phoebe pauses to give the question a bit more consideration and then says, "And the disco lights grandpa gave me. Also lots of alarm clocks because I have trouble waking up." When Nathan says he is only planning to take a bed set with sheets, his mom blanches. "Nathan, do you really think that will be enough?" It seems Nathan's family still has more packing to do that night.

The hour is growing late and everyone has to get up early the next morning for the drive to Tufts, so I ask Nathan and Phoebe what they think their biggest challenge will be as first-year college students. Similarly, I will ask them the following June what their biggest challenge was. Phoebe reveals that because she's a very social and positive person she is nervous about who her roommate will be. "I just hope she isn't a negative person," she says shaking her head. "If she is, getting along with her will be my biggest challenge." Nathan is worried he will get involved in a million different activities and struggle to keep up his grades. He hopes to get involved with groups like Engineers Without Borders and the Tufts Emergency Medical Services. "But I'm wondering," Nathan says, "Will I be overextending myself? Can I manage my time effectively?"

And what do Nathan and Phoebe's parents hope for their kids as they leave for college? Phoebe's father says that he hopes his daughter will remain a happy, well-rounded young woman. "She's into music and athletics," he says. "We just hope that she continues to develop these talents." Nathan's mom hugs her son. She hopes Nathan will excel academically and enjoy his classes. She pauses. "I also hope Nathan fits in socially."

What Happens When Your Child Arrives for Orientation?

It's move-in day, and almost overnight Tufts University has been transformed. Whereas only the day before this place was like a ghost town, on this morning the streets and parking lots are jam-packed with cars and trucks as families deliver their children to the residence halls that surround the campus. Upper-class students are putting up signs advertising various clubs and organizations, hoping to get an early start on recruiting new blood. Orientation leaders in their blue shirts are patrolling the quads in groups of three or four, giving directions to lost parents and otherwise trying to be helpful.

Yolanda King, the director of Residence Life, has let me know that I've been assigned to Houston Hall to observe a first-year residence hall meeting later in the day and that Tommy Travis, the sophomore resident assistant (RA), is expecting me.

New students are signing in and getting their room keys from upper-class RAs in Houston's ample lounge. The RAs look confident; the first years look nervously expectant and unsure of themselves. Down a hallway a father is straining to get a huge refrigerator through the narrow hallway doors. The mother follows with an equally large window fan. It's amazing to me the amount of junk families bring to college for their children! What I know from experience is that most of this stuff will return home two weeks from now when moms and dads are back on campus for Parents and Family Weekend. I think of Phoebe who must be arriving on campus about now with her collection of alarm clocks and disco lights and wonder whether she, too, is realizing that she brought too much.

A young man with a 1950s-style crew cut greets a new student and her parents, and then introduces himself to me. It's a busy day for Tommy Travis, who is working hard to put both students and parents at ease. Only a few minutes prior, Tommy says, he had to deal with an impatient mother who decided to stand in the registration line in place of her son who had inexplicably wandered off. When she was told by an RA staffing the table that she couldn't register in her son's place, she called her son's cell phone but didn't get an answer. Uttering some choice expletives under her breath she marched off in a huff. Hopefully, this mother will learn that she can no longer take care of her son's business. He will now have to do this for himself and face the consequences if he screws up.

Tommy excuses himself to answer another parent's question. In the entryway, a campus police officer is trying to untangle a mini traffic jam that is developing in front of the building. When things are sorted out I strike up a conversation with him. Sergeant McCarthy has been on the Tufts University Police Force for thirty-seven years, and I'm glad to be able to talk with him about a concern that all of us in higher education have, namely, the safety of the new students. He says that this week will be pretty quiet, but by the end of next week at least three or four first-year students will probably end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. As a former college president I know the scene all too well.

At about 11 A.M., families are asked to take a break and walk down the hill to Cohen Auditorium, where new students and their parents will get a pre-matriculation warm-up from Bruce Reitman, the dean of Student Affairs and Jim Glaser, dean of Undergraduate Education. The matriculation ceremony will follow.

Dean Reitman begins his address by saying that while some parents are worried about what their children will do without them, others are preparing to pop the cork on the champagne bottle, thankful that their sons or daughters are finally out of the house and on their own! Nervous laughter from the audience. He then gets serious. He says that he knows what some of the students in the auditorium are thinking — or maybe it's the parents who are thinking this — that because Tufts is a competitive place, better to focus on academics and put off joining clubs or teams. "But what I want you to know," he continues, "is that what you will learn outside the classroom is just as important as what you learn inside." He encourages the new students sitting before him to take advantage of the cultural and campus activities that are available at Tufts. "Get involved now. You'll be happy you did!" he says. Turning briefly to campus safety, he then urges students to use the university's communication system. "I know that most of you have gmail or hotmail accounts, but we don't always know these addresses. If there is an emergency or if we need to get in touch with you we must do this via your university e-mail address and phone messaging system. If you don't use the system you're going to be in trouble."

Jim Glaser, dean of Undergraduate Education, is up next. His advice to the new students is profound, and I notice several of them taking notes. Glaser tells them not to be passive about their education, to take their professors out to coffee ("It's free at the library," he says). He goes on to say that they should learn from their peers, especially since many of them come from rather incredible backgrounds; to take advantage of all the things that are happening on campus including meeting and hearing from campus guests like Colin Powell, George Bush Senior, Stephen Sondheim, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Salman Rushdie, and Bill Richardson. (He says that the last-mentioned celebrity, the governor of New Mexico, is a Tufts's alum). He suggests, furthermore, that students not let problems overwhelm them but instead address these problems immediately and, if necessary, use the counseling center. "Seek help," he says. "If you hide, you will get lost. Students who have balance in their lives will be successful." Finally, he encourages the students to glory in the power of the liberal arts and sciences because the BA and the BS are practical degrees. "Knowledge will always change," he says "but skills like writing, talking, thinking — all things the liberal arts will teach you — are constant."

The matriculation ceremony, when this incredibly diverse collection of recent high school graduates will officially become college students, will soon take place. So everyone briskly marches from Cohen Auditorium back up the hill to the Green, a large area in the center of campus. I find a seat among parents and families under the shade of a large elm tree just in front of Ballou Hall. As 1,313 new students file to their seats, I spot Phoebe and Nathan together in the procession and wave to them. They smile and cheerfully wave back.

President Larry Bacow is introduced by Dean Glaser, who tells us that he is a graduate of MIT where he was professor of environmental studies and chancellor before coming to Tufts, that each year he runs in the Boston Marathon, and that he has a passion for sailing. I have met Bacow and he is, indeed, a very impressive person.

Having been a college president myself, I can imagine what is going through President Bacow's mind as he approaches the podium and the excitement he likely feels at the start of a new academic year, seeing so many eager young men and women and their parents sitting before him. I wonder whether he will make the comment that was standard fare for my college generation and that terrorized practically everyone: "New students, look to your right. Now look to your left. One of you won't be here at graduation!" But Bacow doesn't do this. Instead, he begins his address by playing an audio of Bob Dylan's tune from the 1960s, "The Times They Are a-Changin'." Cleverly using the theme of this song, he compares his college generation — the same generation as most of the parents in the audience — with the college generation represented by the 1,313 students sitting before him. When he and his wife went to college in the late sixties, he says, it would have been impossible to imagine an African American president or a Latina Supreme Court justice, a global economy turned upside down by financial crisis, and a nation challenged by climate change and health care. "What makes Bob Dylan's words so true today," he says, "is the fact that change seems to be the only constant." He then suggests how these new students should take advantage of the next four years. He recommends that they play to their weaknesses not their strengths, that they take at least one course every semester in a subject they know nothing about, and that they read voraciously. "You cannot expect to get all your information from tweets and texts," he says. President Bacow next touches on a key to college success, specifically, the importance of time management. He points out that many students fall into the trap of staying up too late, dragging themselves out of bed just in time for their first class. They then hang out with friends until dinner and don't start doing their homework until 11 P.M. Before they know it, it's 3 A.M. and they still haven't gone to bed. A few hours later they get up and repeat the same cycle. "Treat school work like a 9:00 to 5:00 job," he says. Many parents are nodding in agreement.

After encouraging the students to get to know the faculty, to get off campus ("Go to Fenway Park. Even Yankee fans are welcome!"), and to get involved, President Bacow gets very serious. He says that if they look hard enough they will find many temptations on a college campus. "We admitted you because we thought you had good judgment," he says. "Please do not prove us wrong. If you would not be comfortable explaining to your parents why you did something, don't do it." He then turns to a topic that is current on all college campuses, which is to say, the dangers of drinking. "Let me give you some blunt advice about drinking," he says. "Nothing good ever happened to anyone while they were drunk. Tufts is not a consequence-free zone. Your Tufts ID does not entitle you to flout the law."

He has an equally serious message for the parents — namely, to let go. Their kids will never chill out unless they do, and they need to let them fight their own battles. If the refrigerator breaks in their suite they shouldn't be calling the president's office to get it fixed. "Learning to deal with large organizations is another useful life skill that your sons and daughters will master at Tufts, if you let them."

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Off to College by Roger H. Martin. Copyright © 2015 The University of Chicago. Excerpted by permission of The University of Chicago Press.
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Edition details

• Publisher: University of Chicago Press
• Publication date: 2015
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 022629563X
• ISBN 13: 9780226295633
• Binding: Hardcover
• Number of pages: 240