Boundaries in Marriage Leader's Guide

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9780310246145: Boundaries in Marriage Leader's Guide
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Improve your relationship with your spouse! Gain life-changing insights on: -What boundaries are, why they're vital to a healthy marriage, and how each partner can establish them -How values form the structure and architecture of marriage -How to protect your marriage from intruders, whether other people or personal idols -How to work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries---and a spouse who doesn't It Takes Two Individuals to Become One Flesh Only when a husband and wife know and respect each other's needs, choices, and freedom can they give themselves freely and lovingly to one another. Boundaries in Marriage gives the couples in your group the tools they need. By applying the powerful biblical and relational principles presented in this ZondervanGroupware , couples can make a good marriage better and even save one that's headed for disaster. This leader's guide gives you the clear, step-by-step instructions you need to maximize interaction, support, and insights within your group. Most of the preparation has been done for you---just follow the easy-to-use lesson plan, complete with helpful tips. Because this book includes the full text of the participant's guide, it's the only guidebook you need to track page-for-page with your group. [Sidebar] Boundaries in Marriage sessions: 1.What's a Boundary, Anyway? 2.Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage 3.Setting Boundaries with Yourself 4.Values One and Two: Love of God and Love of Spouse 5.Values Three and Four: Honesty and Faithfulness 6.Values Five and Six: Compassion and Forgiveness, and Holiness 7.Resolving Conflict in Marriage 8.Some Warning Signs to Help Your Marriage Boundaries in Marriage kit includes: 1 -- 105-minute VHS and DVD included---use either one 1 -- Leader's guide* 1 -- Participant's guide* 1 -- Boundaries in Marriage softcover book* *Also sold separately

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About the Author:

Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and co-host, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California. El Dr. Henry Cloud es un conferenciante de gran popularidad. Con el Dr. John Townsend es anfitrion del programa de radio New Life Live!, ademas de ambos ser fundadores de la Clinica Cloud-Townsend y de la organizacion Cloud-Townsend Resources. Es el autor de varios libros premiados con el reconocimiento Medalla de Oro, entre ellos 'Limites' y 'El poder transformador de los grupos pequenos'. El Dr. Cloud, su esposa y sus dos hijas radican en el Sur de California.

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Boundaries in Marriage Leader's Guide Copyright 2002 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 ISBN-10: 0-310-24614-8 ISBN-13: 978-0-310-24614-5 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version . NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means---electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other---except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Published in association with Yates and Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000, Literary Agent, Orange, CA. Interior design by Rob Monacelli Printed in the United States of America 05 06 07 08 09 10 * 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 Session One What's a Boundary? BEFORE YOU LEAD Key Points * Love is at the heart of marriage, but it is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. These ingredients are freedom and responsibility. * For intimacy in marriage to develop and grow, there must be boundaries. * In the simplest sense, a boundary is a property line. It denotes the beginning and the end of something. * If I know where the boundaries are in our relationship, I know who 'owns' things such as feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. I know to whom they 'belong.' And if there is a problem with one of those, I know to whom the problem belongs as well. * When spouses are free to not react to each other, each takes responsibility for his or her own issues and loves the other person even when he or she does not deserve it. Free from each other's control, each gives love to the other freely, and that love transforms the individuals and produces growth in their marriage. * Words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are, consequences, emotional distance, geographical distance, other people, and time (as in 'time away from') are some examples of boundaries. * We are responsible for our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love, all of which lie within our boundaries. Synopsis Marriage is about love. It is being bound together by the care, need, companionship, and values of two people, which can overcome hurt, immaturity, and selfishness to form something better than what each person alone can produce. Yet while love is at the heart of marriage, it is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. These ingredients are freedom and responsibility. While many things go into producing and maintaining love, over and over again one issue is at the top of the list: boundaries. When boundaries break down, marriages break down as well. For intimacy to develop and grow, there must be boundaries. In the simplest sense, a boundary is a property line. If I know where the boundaries are in our relationship, I know who 'owns' things such as feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. I know to whom they 'belong.' And if there is a problem with one of those feelings, attitudes, or behaviors, I know to whom the problem belongs as well. A marriage relationship requires that each partner have a sense of ownership of himself or herself. The first way in which clarifying boundaries helps us is to define where one person ends and the other begins. What is the problem, and where is it? Is it in you, or is it in me? If we can see that the problem is our problem and that we are responsible for it, then we are in the driver's seat of change. Freedom, responsibility, and love---something incredible happens as these three ingredients of relationship work together. As love grows, spouses become freer from the things that enslave: self-centeredness, sinful patterns, past hurts, and other self-imposed limitations. They gain a greater and greater sense of self-control and responsibility. As they act more responsibly, they become more loving. Put differently, when spouses are free to not react to the other, they take responsibility for their own issues, and they love the other person even when he or she does not deserve it. Free from each other's control, they give love to each other freely, and that love transforms the individuals and produces growth in their marriage. We'll look at Stephanie and Steve's marriage in light of this triangle of freedom, responsibility, and love. Stephanie was suffering from the emotional distance that being on the wrong side of a one-sided relationship creates. But she took some steps to change that relationship. First, she figured out where she ended and where Steve began. When she did, she realized that there was really very little of her in the marriage. She had adapted to her husband and had complied with him so much that she could no longer even remember what it felt like to be herself. But she realized that she could not blame Steve for her loss of herself. She was the one who, afraid of conflict, had complied with his wishes. She had to take ownership of her passivity. At this point in her journey, Stephanie made a mature decision. She took responsibility for her own misery and began to work on it in the relationship. She didn't---as many people do---leave the relationship in order to 'find herself.' Nothing is farther from 'getting boundaries' than leaving a relationship! Boundaries in marriage are about healing relationships, not ending them. As Stephanie took ownership and responsibility for her life, Steve was forced to take responsibility for his own, and their marriage improved. Steve also learned to love Stephanie's freedom. He began to be attracted by her independence instead of threatened by it. Their love grew, and they grew as individuals as well. They became better defined, more free and responsible, and more in a position to love and be loved. This is the high calling God created marriage to be. Session Outline (52 minutes) I. Introduction (8 minutes) A. Welcome (5 minutes) B. Opening Prayer (1 minute) C. Overview (2 minutes) II. Discovery (42 minutes) A. Video Segment: Stephanie's Story (2 minutes) B. Time for Thought: A Look in the Mirror (5 minutes) C. Video Segment: Love, Freedom, and Responsibility (3 minutes) D. Time to Talk: Love, Freedom, and Responsibility (10 minutes) E. Video Segment: Boundaries in Marriage (7 minutes) F. Time to Act: Identifying My Property Lines (15 minutes) III. Wrap-up (2 minutes) Recommended Reading 'A Tale of Two Couples' and 'What's a Boundary, Anyway?' the introduction and chapter 1 in Boundaries in Marriage Session One: What's a Boundary, Anyway? 15

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