If I'm Waiting on God, Then What Am I Doing in a Christian Chatroom?: Confessions of a Do-It-Yourself Single

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9780310269106: If I'm Waiting on God, Then What Am I Doing in a Christian Chatroom?: Confessions of a Do-It-Yourself Single

'If you doubt that God has a sense of humor, you haven't read about Kerri's love life yet!' Discouraged with dating books written by authors who married just after puberty and then tried to give relationship advice---'I didn't meet my husband until I was seventeen, and I'm so glad I waited'---Kerri decided to write her book as a single woman in the trenches trying to meet Mr. Right. Stand-up comedian Kerri Pomarolli shares her side of the Christian dating scene and brings a fresh new light to dating, faith, and being single. In this tell-it-how-it-is book, Kerri offers a glimpse into the mind and heart of a single woman as she shares her personal stories of joy, frustration, pain, and late-night snacks. If I'm Waiting on God, Then What Am I Doing in a Christian Chatroom? is the humorous and moving story of one woman's search for real faith and true love. 'This book is hilarious. It's perfect for the God-fearing gal who's looking for love in all the wrong places. I found myself uplifted, knowing I wasn't alone.' ---Christia Mantzke, recording artist 'Finally! We men get a glimpse of what is really going on in the minds of Christian single women! I couldn't put it down!' ---Jay Pesek, Nashville Speakers Bureau

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About the Author:

Kerri Pomarolli is a comedian, actress, and writer. She has appeared on the Tonight Show and the Comedy Central channel, among many others. She currently lives in Southern California.

Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

If I'm Waiting on God, Then What Am I Doing in a Christian Chatroom? Copyright 2006 by Kerri Pomarolli Originally published by Portley House Publishing 2004 Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Pomarolli, Kerri L., 1973- If I'm waiting on God, then what am I doing in a Christian chatroom?: confessions of a do-it-yourself single / Kerri L. Pomarolli. --- 1st. ed. p. cm. ISBN-10: 0-310-26910-5 ISBN-13: 978-0-310-26910-6 1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Dating (Social customs) --- Religious aspects --- Christianity. 3. Online dating. 4. Man-woman relationships --- Humor. I. Title. HQ801.P73 --- 2005 306.73082 --- dc22 2005027570 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means --- electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other --- except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Interior design by Michelle Espinoza Printed in the United States of America 06 07 08 09 10 11 * 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Kerri Pomarolli 15 Chapter 1 Beginnings While enjoying some cheese dip at a ladies' church function, I sat down near two twentysomething girls and noticed they were not wearing rings on their left ring fingers. Great, I thought to myself, I'm not alone. I was ready to meet some nice single girls and actually have a conversation that did not involve homeschooling or breastfeeding. I approached them and we introduced ourselves. My track record at church ladies' functions had involved a lot of craft circles and lectures on the benefits of making the perfect Christmas tree ornament out of old dried flowers. I was basically just there for the free food. Jennifer told me she had just moved from Wisconsin to California and was staying with her boyfriend's parents until she found a place of her own. She briefly described her relationship: 'It has been five months, and he is just the greatest,' she said in that totally-in-love, high-pitched, sickeningly happy girlie voice. I asked where she met him, and she smiled and shot her friend a knowing look. They both giggled and I immediately jumped in with, 'The internet?' 'Why yes!' they laughed. 'How did you know?' She went on to tell me how she logged on to a Christian dating site where she met 'Mr. Right.' And just like that, she's in California! 'Well, that's great. I tried the online thing and ended up with a stalker. The police were involved and everything --- it was so 16 If I'm waiting on God, then what am I doing in a Christian Chatroom? amazing!' I said with a huge smile and more than a hint of sarcasm. I then told them I was writing a book about my experience. After hearing the title, they were not too impressed. Were there any single women left on the planet who hadn't fallen prey to the world of internet dating? Had everyone sold out like me? I went home and dove into a bag of potato chips and some chocolate chip cookies for comfort. That was supposed to be me, not Jennifer! With the click of my mouse I was going to design my husband. Kind of like that 80s movie Weird Science where two guys had the bright idea to design the perfect woman on their computer and then watch her magically appear before their eyes. They ended up with Kelly LeBrock and that ain't bad. What a great concept! I mean, I had tried everything else --- well, almost everything. Why not embrace our world of technology? Let's talk about dating. Oooohhhh, did I say a bad word? Do I believe in the pagan ritual of . . . dare I say it again . . . dating? Well, do I? Do you? I mean, did the powers-that-be leave out of the Bible the apostle Paul's letters to the Americans? I'll listen to them. But seriously, the world has all these rules about dating --- what to do . . . what to wear . . . what not to wear --- and I'm confused! I know dating is a very vital part of our culture today, and I know God has an opinion. He wants my heart to be pure, among other things. Yeah, well I do too! Where's the discrepancy? Oh yeah, it's when I watch too many romance movies and start to take dating tips from Meg Ryan that all chaos breaks loose. You know, I've actually looked up 'courtship' and 'dating' in a Bible concordance and they were not there. There are no little notes in red on the side of my Bible that tell me anything about this concept at all. I think people in the Bible turned twelve and were magically married by God or by their parents --- case closed. Of course, I can't let it go, so I read the next best thing . . . every self-help book available to today's woman: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I Gave Dating a Chance, Boundaries in Dating, Loving Your Husband (if I ever get one) Bible study, The Power of a Praying Wife, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts . . . Ha! Obviously way before it starts! Yes, I became a self-help junkie. So I read all these self-help books because I'm a planner and because I figured there was a blueprint in them somewhere for the perfect relationship. If Oprah wasn't advertising any Christian dating books, I'd have to find the best ones myself. I know you laugh, but these books are addictive --- and all along the Bible was sitting right there in front of me, patiently waiting to be opened. And don't you think my Father God was, and still is, patiently waiting for me to talk to him about it? I have asked the opinions of 175 strangers, acquaintances, pastors, mentors, and friends . . . but not of God. That would be too easy! He is just sitting up there in heaven saying, 'Would you please let me handle this?' He then waits for my response. And then he waits some more --- years, in some cases. He is such a gentleman and will not intrude unless asked, and then . . . look out! God takes over and life is never the same. I've learned that it is a powerful prayer when we actually ask God to get involved in our lives. I did just that and this is my story --- before and after. I'm not a teacher or a preacher, and I don't believe this book has the answers to life's great spiritual truths. This is not a 'howto anything' book. Maybe it's more along the lines of 'how-notto.' This book was written in the moment, as much as possible, so I could portray the emotions going on in my crazy little head as they happened. No matter what your spiritual beliefs or background, I hope my story can speak to you, and when you take my journey with me, we can laugh along the way. Remember, if you doubt that God has a sense of humor, you haven't read about my love life yet! As I reveal the blunders in all areas of my life, my hope is that you will be able to grasp how loving, patient, and gracious our God really is. In my life it is God who has been doing the waiting. He's been waiting for me to screw up enough times in order for me to realize I can't do this alone. I can't be a 'do-it-yourself Christian.' It doesn't work. It's hard and God doesn't want my life to be a series of mishaps. So he just loves me, gently prods me, and waits.

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