Wrestling with Love: How Men Struggle with Intimacy with Women, Children. Parents, and Each Other

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9780449905500: Wrestling with Love: How Men Struggle with Intimacy with Women, Children. Parents, and Each Other

In Wrestling with Love, psychologist Sam Osherson, author of the highly acclaimed Finding Our Fathers, reveals how men in our culture struggle to achieve intimacy in their relationships, even as strong messages about masculinity demand that they hide their desire for attachments. Osherson begins by offering a startling observation, based on his extensive experience with men: the desire to connect and the impulse to shun intimacy often arise at the same time. Osherson looks at how this ambivalence undercuts men at every stage of their lives, from boyhood through grandfatherhood, and offers concrete, workable advice for how men can free themselves from these conflicts.
From the Trade Paperback edition.

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About the Author:

Samuel Osherson, Ph.D., is a practicing psychotherapist and a research psychologist at the Harvard University Health Services, where he specializes in men's adult development.
From the Trade Paperback edition.

From Kirkus Reviews:

In the broadening wake of Iron John and Fire in the Belly comes an equally strong entry that focuses on conflicts common to men--between the need to connect and reluctance to do so, for example--and comes up with highly viable strategies and trustworthy solutions. Aimed at the mainstream population, this is an articulate, organized discussion that examines the pressure points in life and a complex network of attitudes and experiences that too often interferes with their resolution. After noting the difficulties that men have expressing anger, sorrow, love, and, especially, dependency, Harvard Health Services psychologist Osherson (Finding Our Fathers, 1986) looks closely at particular adult connections--with women, children, older parents- -and offers important insights deriving from everyday situations. ``It's not that men don't feel,'' he observes. ``It's that men often manage feelings in ways that wives don't understand.'' He goes on to record how grief, shame, and anger can obscure love; how women may evoke need and shame at the same time; and how struggles at work may be rooted in family dynamics. Pointing out the distancing effects of competitiveness or distrust, stressing affirmation and reconciliation, acknowledging the tenacity of resistance to change, Osherson recognizes the sources of many male attitudes (of ``manliness'' in particular), the competing voices men hear, and the need to name one's loneliness (men, he says, use a coded language when discussing feelings) and to have it heard. Throughout, he uses workshop exercises to demonstrate the process of self-discovery, and, in revealing the impact of a father's love on a grown man, he teaches lessons to the fathers of young boys. Easier to read than to act on, more moderate in tone than Bly or Keen--a lucid and perceptive offering. -- Copyright ©1992, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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