Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws

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9780470049990: Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws
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You can survive the "kitchen wars"—and live in peace withyour family

"My sisters-in-law couldn't stand me. I was really hurt when mykids weren't mentioned in their grandmother's obituary because theyweren't 'full-blooded' family."

"My mom is always giving advice, always telling me to do suchand such when she doesn't do it herself. If my husband and I have afight, she takes his side!"

"My sister did call me a week later to apologize but proceededto tell me everything that was wrong with me, my husband, and mychildren."

Sound familiar? There's nothing new or unusual about conflictbetween mothers, sisters, and other female family members—butthat doesn't make it any less painful or destructive. Adding to thehurt of relational abuse within the family is the permanent natureof the relationship: you can sever relations with an abusivefriend, but you can't stop being the sister/daughter/niece of anabusive relative. Does that mean that there's no way out?

In Forced to Be Family, you'll discover how to determine whethera female family member is being abusive, recognize the sources ofthat abuse, and break the vicious cycle that keeps the abuse alive.You don't have to choose between accepting abuse and "making ascene." This insightful, reassuring guide gives you the strategiesand understanding you need to reestablish warm and lovingrelationships with the women who will always be closest to you.

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From the Inside Flap:

The weapons are formidable—intimidation, betrayal,belittling, exclusion, and more—and their sting is sharpestwhen wielded by a mother, a sister, or another family member.Relatives are permanent fixtures in your life; they know yourpersonal history, your likes and dislikes, and yourvulnerabilities, giving their cruelty and criticism a special powerto wound. What can you do about it?

In Forced to Be Family, Cheryl Dellasega, the acclaimed authorof Mean Girls Grown Up and Surviving Ophelia, takes a close look athow women in families relate to and transgress against each other.Drawing on hundreds of stories from interviews, correspondence, andsurvey groups, Dellasega examines the dynamics of relationalaggression among family members (Relative RA) and helps youovercome this heartbreaking situa-tion and peacefully coexist withwomen who will always be close to you.

To help you understand and cope with the most difficult aspectsof Relative RA, this guide is built around six insights into femalerelationships within families:

  • Women form intense and complex bonds with their femalerelatives.

  • Women expect more from—and forgive more of—familymembers than friends.

  • The permanence of family gives Relative RA a special power.

  • Relationships with in-laws operate under a different set ofassumptions than those with blood relations.

  • Even the most vicious abuser can still feel great affectiontoward her victims and be unaware of her cruelty.

  • Even the most difficult family relationships can be navigatedusing basic strategies to empower you and others.

Cheryl Dellasega introduces you to scores of women who haveexperienced what you are going through now. You'll meet theadministra-

tive assistant who still battles with her five

sisters for her parents' attention and approval, the high-levelexecutive whose alcoholic sister envies and belittles her success,and the accomplished journalist whose mother resented and beratedher to her dying day.

You'll learn how to determine whether the difficulties you'rehaving with a family member are, in fact, RA. And you'll discovertechniques for identifying and defusing destructive patterns ofinterpersonal and familywide behavior that can persist for months,years, and even generations.

Don't let the heartache of Relative RA continue to poison yourmost important rela-tionships. Read Forced to Be Family and learnhow to live in peace with your loved ones.

About the Author:

Cheryl Dellasega, PhD, is a professor in the department of humanities at the College of Medicine and Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of Mean Girls Grown Up and four other books: Surviving Ophelia, Girl Wars, the award-winning The Starving Family, and Bloggrls, a fiction series for girls.

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Book Description John Wiley and Sons Ltd, United Kingdom, 2007. Hardback. Condition: New. Language: English. Brand new Book. Understanding and dealing with relational aggression among female family members Cheryl Dellasega's Mean Girls Grown Up broke new ground with its in-depth examination of bullying behavior in adult women. Now Dellasega goes one step further to examine the even harsher reality of female family feuds sisters who sabotage, ex-wives who wage subtle warfare, and other family situations where women emotionally wound each other. Using clinical insights and real-life stories, Dr. Dellasega explains why these female family antagonisms have a special power to hurt and offers practical strategies to help readers restore relationships and reclaim their lives. Cheryl Dellasega, PhD (Hershey, PA) is a professor in the College of Medicine and Department of Humanities and Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of Mean Girls Grown Up (see below) as well as two other books, Surviving Ophelia (0-345-45538-X) and Girl Wars (0-7432-4987-9). Seller Inventory # APC9780470049990

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Book Description Wiley. Hardcover. Condition: New. 272 pages. Dimensions: 9.1in. x 6.2in. x 1.1in.You can survive the kitchen warsand live in peace with your familyMy sisters-in-law couldnt stand me. I was really hurt when my kids werent mentioned in their grandmothers obituary because they werent full-blooded family. My mom is always giving advice, always telling me to do such and such when she doesnt do it herself. If my husband and I have a fight, she takes his side!My sister did call me a week later to apologize but proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with me, my husband, and my children. Sound familiar Theres nothing new or unusual about conflict between mothers, sisters, and other female family membersbut that doesnt make it any less painful or destructive. Adding to the hurt of relational abuse within the family is the permanent nature of the relationship: you can sever relations with an abusive friend, but you cant stop being the sisterdaughterniece of an abusive relative. Does that mean that theres no way outIn Forced to Be Family, youll discover how to determine whether a female family member is being abusive, recognize the sources of that abuse, and break the vicious cycle that keeps the abuse alive. You dont have to choose between accepting abuse and making a scene. This insightful, reassuring guide gives you the strategies and understanding you need to reestablish warm and loving relationships with the women who will always be closest to you. This item ships from multiple locations. Your book may arrive from Roseburg,OR, La Vergne,TN. Hardcover. Seller Inventory # 9780470049990

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Book Description John Wiley and Sons Ltd, United Kingdom, 2007. Hardback. Condition: New. Language: English. Brand new Book. Understanding and dealing with relational aggression among female family members Cheryl Dellasega's Mean Girls Grown Up broke new ground with its in-depth examination of bullying behavior in adult women. Now Dellasega goes one step further to examine the even harsher reality of female family feuds sisters who sabotage, ex-wives who wage subtle warfare, and other family situations where women emotionally wound each other. Using clinical insights and real-life stories, Dr. Dellasega explains why these female family antagonisms have a special power to hurt and offers practical strategies to help readers restore relationships and reclaim their lives. Cheryl Dellasega, PhD (Hershey, PA) is a professor in the College of Medicine and Department of Humanities and Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of Mean Girls Grown Up (see below) as well as two other books, Surviving Ophelia (0-345-45538-X) and Girl Wars (0-7432-4987-9). Seller Inventory # APC9780470049990

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