Kiss-Off Letters to Men : Over 70 Zingers You Can Use to Send Him Packing, Mess with His Head, or Just Plain Dump Him

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9780609807927: Kiss-Off Letters to Men : Over 70 Zingers You Can Use to Send Him Packing, Mess with His Head, or Just Plain Dump Him

Dear WWA (Woman with Attitude),

Is your bank account dwindling because Mr. Wonderful is also Mr. I Left My Wallet at Home? Does your dream guy feel the need to pat your tummy and mention that you could stand to lose a few pounds, even if he has put on a few himself? Have you forgotten what the words "a quiet table for two" mean, settling instead for tatty bar stools and buffalo wings? Have you been plagued by a sneaking suspicion that the whiff of perfume you caught when he took off his shirt wasn't from a secret shopping trip for your upcoming birthday? Are you thinking it is time to get out of your relationship while your sanity it still intact?

Well, there's no better way to tell him it's over than with a mighty missive that will do the job for you. Let Kiss-Off Letters to Men be your inspiration, with more than 70 letters you can easily adapt to dump him, deflate his ego, or simply make his blood boil. Take it from us, girlfriends -- a letter works: every one in this collection is based on a real-life relationship we or our friends have had. Let Kiss-Off Letters to Men be your guide to ending doomed relationships -- for good.

Your friends,
Erica and Muara

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

About the Author:

ERICA DANKOFF is a professional writer and former stand-up comic. She lives in New Jersey, where she is working on a book and film projects.
MUARA JOHNSTON, a former nationally syndicated television show producer, deejay, and manager of nonprofit organizations, currently lives in Los Angeles, where she is studying film.

Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Chapter 1

Dumping . . . time to take out the garbage . . .

The relationship is kaput. He dumps you, you dump him. . . . It's all the same in the end, isn't it? Or is it? Of course we all know it's far better to be the dumper than the dumpee. Remember: the garbage man gets paid for his job while the garbage ends up in a landfill in New Jersey.

Forget dieting‹the fastest way to lose dead weight is to dump your boyfriend. Here are a few creative suggestions if you want to go out with a bang—and not the good kind.

Dear __________,

I really have to thank you. You've taught me all I need to know about bad relationships.

A date with you is dinner at Wings and Things. An evening of romance is a rented porno flick and microwave popcorn. For my birthday I wanted to see R.E.M. in concert, but the closest I got to Madison Square Garden was watching the WWF on TV.

Weekends you spent slothing on the couch while I did your laundry. When you wanted sex, I was expected to roll over; when I wanted to make love, Cindy Crawford was on Letterman. I'm tired of looking at your barely covered gut, cleaning your ashtrays, and picking up your empty beer cans.

I've been a short-order cook, waitress, bartender, and busboy to your ever-present cronies, but my friends were considered snobs simply because they bathed daily.

I have a news flash for you. I'm out of here! I've found a man who loves me, respects me, and treats me right. He pays the check and the bills, has hired a maid, and makes love to me like you never could.

You better start looking for another lackey to pick up the slacky!

Good riddance!

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

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Erica Dankoff, Muara Johnston, Hope Carpenter (Illustrator)
Published by Three Rivers Press (2001)
ISBN 10: 0609807927 ISBN 13: 9780609807927
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Dankoff, Erica, Johnston, Muara
Published by Harmony (2001)
ISBN 10: 0609807927 ISBN 13: 9780609807927
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