The Secret Lives of Girls: What Good Girls Really Do--Sex Play, Aggression, and Their Guilt

3.54 avg rating
( 54 ratings by Goodreads )
 
9780743201070: The Secret Lives of Girls: What Good Girls Really Do--Sex Play, Aggression, and Their Guilt

From playground games of "chase and kiss" to rough-and-tumble soccer games, from slumber party stripteases to romantic fantasies behind closed doors, author Sharon Lamb coaxes out girls' true stories with uncommon sensitivity and focus. The result of more than 125 fascinating interviews with pre-teens, teenagers, and adult women, "The Secret Lives of Girls" reveals the ways that girls use their minds and bodies for private sexual play, mischief, and hidden aggression. To truly understand what little girls are made of, Lamb suggests, we must listen not only to what they say to us but also to what they don't say, taking into account their hidden selves and the lives that we adults don't see. Yes, girls are known to be "good," but they manage to act out in decidedly ungirlish ways and, despite many parents' fears, be the better for it. What's most remarkable about Lamb's conclusions is that we needn't join the chorus of voices deploring a "girl-poisoning" culture for damaging our daughters. Instead, Lamb finds reason to celebrate girls' resilience in the face of pressures to conform -- and she does it by listening to them and to the women they have become. "The Secret Lives of Girls" explores such in-depth key issues as: Using aggression wisely -- when girls need to walk away or to settle verbally, and when to fight. Girls needn't grow up afraid of their own toughness and power. Building self-esteem, self-respect, and the ambition to achieve -- anger and aggressive feelings can be the impetus for creative and productive work. Eighty percent of female executives of Fortune 500 companies identify as having been tomboys. Participating in highly physical sports -- karate orboxing, or team sports like soccer -- teaches girls to feel that their bodies are competent, and that they deserve to take up space. Recognizing daughters as sexual beings -- their love of sexy dress-up, their yearning to understand their bodies and their sensual desires. Accepting some kinds of sexual play -- teaching the difference between fun and bullying; setting a positive and supportive tone from birth through the grade school years. From tomboys like "Julia," who runs with the boys in the streets of New York to "Abby," who led a "naked parade," the girls who share their stories here describe a hidden but fascinating world made up of more than girlish innocence. "The Secret Lives of Girls" is a welcome and much-needed addition to the literature on girls' lives and culture. It celebrates girls' hidden strengths, play, and needs, and opens a door for parents that can teach them how to understand their daughters better and help them grow.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

Review:

Let girls be girls, counsels psychologist Sharon Lamb in her provocative book The Secret Lives of Girls. "I want to be able to free girls and women to take off the shimmering costume of a femininity that equals goodness--to acknowledge all aspects of being human," she writes.

Reporting on 125 interviews with girls and women, Lamb details and normalizes the sexual play and anger expressed in the privacy of girls' bedrooms and playhouses. The result is a groundbreaking and guilt-free guide for parents and teachers to assist girls in accepting their sexual and aggressive feelings. Her portraits of girls' exuberant sexuality ("practice kissing," "I'll show you mine") and spontaneous anger (not-so-dear diary, pranks, and "cutting down") are fresh and fascinating. One particularly memorable chapter describes games of "naked Barbie" and applauds the lessons learned about becoming a sexual person rather than just a desired object.

Lamb's observations are so sharp that readers may wish the chapters offering her smart suggestions for change were longer. Some readers may be surprised and others unsettled by the vivid scenarios Lamb portrays. Still, by listening to girls and telling their stories without judgment, Lamb invites them to stop living a double life that ignores their anger and sexual feelings. She provides parents and teachers with a powerful and practical model of how to understand and nurture the hidden and genuine strengths of every girl. --Barbara Mackoff

About the Author:

Sharon Lamb, Ed.D. is a professor of psychology at Saint Michael's College in Colchester, Vermont, and a clinical psychologist in private practice. She has worked with Carol Gilligan and Jerome Kagan at Harvard, as well as trained at Harvard Medical School. She lives in Shelburne, Vermont, with her husband and two children.

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

Top Search Results from the AbeBooks Marketplace

1.

Sharon Lamb
Published by Free Press (2002)
ISBN 10: 0743201078 ISBN 13: 9780743201070
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 1
Seller:
Ergodebooks
(RICHMOND, TX, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Free Press, 2002. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. Bookseller Inventory # DADAX0743201078

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 19.78
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

2.

Sharon Lamb
Published by Free Press (2002)
ISBN 10: 0743201078 ISBN 13: 9780743201070
New Hardcover First Edition Quantity Available: 1
Seller:
Irish Booksellers
(Rumford, ME, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Free Press, 2002. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. book. Bookseller Inventory # M0743201078

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 23.91
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

3.

Lamb, Sharon
Published by Free Press (2002)
ISBN 10: 0743201078 ISBN 13: 9780743201070
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 2
Seller:
Murray Media
(North Miami Beach, FL, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Free Press, 2002. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. Never used!. Bookseller Inventory # P110743201078

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 38.00
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 1.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

4.

Lamb, Sharon
Published by Free Press
ISBN 10: 0743201078 ISBN 13: 9780743201070
New Hardcover Quantity Available: 1
Seller:
Cloud 9 Books
(Wellington, FL, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Free Press. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. 0743201078 New Condition. Bookseller Inventory # NEW7.0297511

More Information About This Seller | Ask Bookseller a Question

Buy New
US$ 59.99
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 4.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds