In their own words, married men reveal what they really think about marriage, sex, housework, commitment, and intimacy. Much has been written about what women want from their relationships and marriages. But what men want has remained a mystery -- until now. In his groundbreaking new book, VoiceMale, author and journalist Neil Chethik reveals surprising truths about married men and challenges many of the myths about men that prevent couples from creating strong and lasting relationships.Based on a landmark survey of American husbands across the country, VoiceMale reveals that most men are not commitment-phobic, that they don't have sex on their minds all the time, and that they are willing to talk frankly about their relationships -- just not in the same way women do. Men have complex inner lives, just like women. But they have a unique, masculine style of loving that focuses more on doing than talking, on sharing space rather than sharing feelings, and on side-by-side closeness rather than face-to-face intimacy.In VoiceMale, Chethik weaves together real-life stories and survey results to create a unique portrait of the American husband. Men share their thoughts on the myriad issues that married couples face: commitment, money, careers, children, in-laws, and more. They openly discuss the character traits they seek in a woman when they're looking to marry. And they speak honestly about their struggles adjusting to marriage, raising children, balancing work and family, keeping marital sex exciting, and avoiding infidelity.Chethik spent two years traveling across the country, talking with men of different ages, religions, and ethnic backgrounds, in urban centers and rural towns. His interviewees had been married for anywhere from a few weeks to as long as seventy-two years. He notes the enormous changes in American marriage since the 1960s and explores how men have tried to adjust to them -- sometimes successfully, often not.Full of surprising revelations and the strong feelings that men have about their lives -- and about the women who share those lives with them -- VoiceMale demonstrates that despite their many differences, most husbands and wives ultimately want the same thing: a trusted fellow traveler in their journey through life.
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Neil Chethik is an author, speaker, and writer-in-residence at the Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning in Lexington, Kentucky. His first book, FatherLoss, was published in 2001. He lives with his wife and son in Kentucky.From Publishers Weekly:
As Chethik learns from in-depth interviews with 70 men and a survey of another 288, sex, money, in-laws, styles of communication, the division of housework and child-rearing philosophy are the most volatile areas of the marriage relationship. No surprises there. But within those categories Chethik culls insights about the importance of these issues and successful strategies husbands employ to minimize the friction they create. For example, Chethik (FatherLoss) found that couples who divide housework satisfactorily are less likely to consider divorce, less likely to stray, less likely to say their marriages are unstable, and, for good measure, they have more frequent sex. According to Chethik, marriages pass through four phases—newlyweds, family times, empty nest and mature marriage—and he explores husbands' changing viewpoints as they pass through these stages. Readers will find the discussions of mature marriages most original and will also be encouraged by the level of happiness reported by so many men in long-lasting relationships. Chethik ends with a number of suggestions on how to develop a happy marriage that are well taken and offered with a generous spirit.
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