Running With Jesus: The Prayers of Malcolm Boyd - Hardcover

Boyd, Malcolm

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0806640685 ISBN 13: 9780806640686

Publisher: Augsburg Fortress Pub, 2000

Synopsis

Malcolm Boyd illustrates his understanding of the nature of prayer in this provocative collection. Sometimes his prayers are startling, and sometimes they are raw—but they are always fresh and sincere.

They will lead you toward an intimate understanding of God—here and now. Some of the 135 prayers collected here first appeared in Boyd’s groundbreaking and bestselling book, Are You Running with Me, Jesus?, while others are from Human like Me, Jesus. Many are new—just for this volume.

You’ll resonate with Boyd as he exposes his fears and failures, his joys and his love through these prayers. Ten sections dealing with issues from gritty urban life to sexuality and prayers of joy for simple pleasures help you find prayers relevant to your own situation. Most of all, you’ll find a model for expressing yourself—all of yourself—to God in new ways. This is must-reading for anyone looking to broaden their life of prayer.

About this title

About the Author

Malcolm Boyd is poet/writer-in-residence at the Los Angeles Cathedral Center of St. Paul. An Episcopal priest for 44 years, he is the author of 25 books including the best-selling spiritual classic Are You Running with Me, Jesus? (over 1 million in print) For the last ten years, more than 34 million readers of Modern Maturity magazine have enjoyed Father Boyd s popular You and I column.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Days and Nights of the Soul (pre-publication version):

I m crying and shouting inside tonight, Jesus, and I m feeling completely alone. All the roots I thought I had are gone. Everything in my life is in an upheaval. I am amazed that I can maintain any composure when I m feeling like this.

The moment is all that matters; the present moment is of supreme importance. I know this. Yet in the present I feel dead. I want to anchor myself in the past and shed tears of self-pity. When I look ahead tonight I can see only futility, pain, and death. I am only a rotting body, a vessel of disease, potentially a handful of ashes after I am burned.

But you call me tonight to love and responsibility. You have a job for me to do. You make me look at other persons whose needs make my self-pity a mockery and a disgrace.

Jesus, I hear you. I know you. I feel your presence strongly in this awful moment, and I thank you. Help me onto my feet. Help me to get up.

I m nowhere, and I couldn t care less. It s so still. Am I on the moon? Am I on the earth? Am I here at all? But, if so, where?

I feel disengaged from life at this moment. Time has stopped, and nothing matters. I have nowhere to hurry, no place to go, no sensible goal. I might as well be dead.

I want to feel a breeze blow against my face, or the hot sun warming me. I want to feel life, Jesus. Help me to feel love or anger or laughter. Help me to care about life again.

I m scared, Jesus. You ve asked me to do something I don t think I can do. I m sure I wouldn t want to do it except that you asked me.

But I don t feel strong enough, and you know I lack the courage I d need. Why did you ask me to do this? It seems to me that Jim could do this much, much more easily. Remember, I told you I m afraid to stand up and be criticized, Jesus. I feel naked in front of everybody, and I can t hide any part of myself.

Why can t I be quiet and have peace and be left alone? I don t see what good it will do for me to be dragged out in front of everybody and do this for you. Don t misunderstand me. I m not saying I won t do it. I m just saying I don t want to do it. I mean, how in the hell can I do it?

You know me better than anybody does, but then you go and ask me to do something crazy like this. I can t figure you out. I wish you d just leave me alone today, but if this is what you think is best, I ll try. I ll try. But I don t want to. Pray for me, Jesus.

I know it sounds corny, Jesus, but I m lonely. I wasn t going to get lonely anymore, and so I kept very busy, telling myself I was serving you. But it s getting dark again, and I m alone; honestly, Christ, I m lonely as hell.

Why do I feel so sorry for myself? There s no reason why I should be. You re with me, and I know it. I ll be with other people in a little while. I know some of them love me very much in their own way, and I love some of them very much in mine.

But I still feel so damned lonely right now, in this minute that I m living. I feel confused about how to get through the next few hours. It s silly, but I feel this way because I m threatened by me, and I wish I could get through to you, clearly and with a kind of purity and integrity.

And yet, while I say this to you, I ve been unkind to certain people whom you also love, and I ve added to misunderstanding and confusion.

Take hold of me and connect me with other people, Jesus. Give me patience and love so that I can listen when I plug into these other lives. Help me to listen and listen and listen . . and love by being quiet and serving, and being there.

You said there is perfect freedom in your service, Jesus. Well, I don t feel perfectly free. I don t feel free at all. I m a captive to myself.

I do what I want. I have it all my own way. There is no freedom at all for me in this, Jesus. Today I feel like a slave bound in chains and branded by a hot iron because I m a captive to my own will and don t give an honest damn about you or your will.

You re over there where I m keeping you, outside my real life. How can I go on being such a lousy hypocrite? Come over here, where I don t want you to come. Let me quit playing this blasphemous game of religion with you. Help me to let you be yourself in my life so that I can be myself.

The drinks are tranquilizing me. But even while I m being tranquilized, I don t want to be.

I remember the cutting edge you lived on. You didn t get tranquilized. You went right on, and then you gave back love. I seem to have run out of love, and I m relating very badly right now.

Don t leave me alone, Christ, because I ve left you. I just want the easy way out, any way out at all, but you know I really don t. I hurt inside and wish I could tear myself away.

Get me back on my own cutting edge. Help me to put away the tranquilizers and just be myself with you and the others you place with me.

Edition details

• Publisher: Augsburg Fortress Pub
• Publication date: 2000
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0806640685
• ISBN 13: 9780806640686
• Binding: Hardcover
• Number of pages: 118