Fakespeare in the Park (Regular Show)

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9780843183450: Fakespeare in the Park (Regular Show)
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Hast thou heard of Shakespeare in the Park? Bro, this is so much cooler.

Mordecai and Rigby are trying to slack off again, only this time it's about to ruin The Park's Shakespeare festival. This clever novel presents a light-hearted story of how Mordecai and Rigby from Regular Show try their hardest to get out of work and in the process wreak havoc on the festival in The Park. As usual, they must rely on their friends to help them cleanest up thy mess.

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About the Author:

Gabe Soria is a Brooklyn-based writer of weird fiction and strange music journalism whose work has appeared in Mojo, Arthur, and DC Comics’ Batman Adventures, as well as a graphic novel with Macmillan titled Life Sucks.  This is his first book for Cartoon Network Books.

Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

PROLOGUE
 
GONGGGGGGG . . . GONGGGGGGG . . . GONGGGGGGG. The bell in the clock tower in the town square began to ring twelve long and spooky times. On the craggy hilltop overlooking the sleeping city, three figures gathered ’round a cauldron bubbling over a fire, going about their weird business. It was midnight—the witching hour. And in this case, we mean witching hour literally, because the three figures were honest-to-goodness WITCHES, and midnight is their time to shine.
 
“The chimes have sounded, my sisters!” said Cronella, the eldest of the three. She looked the most like a traditional “witchy” witch—she was dressed in pointy shoes, striped socks, gray rags, and a pointed hat. She jabbed a bony finger in the direction of the town’s glittering lights. “Look yonder! There it is, the humble place where soon a great reckoning shall occur!”
 
Her sister Blandene looked up from the cauldron, into which she was sprinkling some salt from the shaker she had just taken out of her fanny pack. Blandene was dressed a tad less traditionally than Cronella; she liked to wear jeans and an oversize sweater with a kitty cat on it. She squinted in the general direction her sister’s gnarly finger was aiming.
 
“There’s going to be a great reckoning at the bowling alley?” said Blandene. “Great! Do we get to go? I haven’t been bowling in, like, forever.”
 
“No, not the bowling alley! Cast your eyes widdershins,” said Cronella.
 
“Widder-what?” said the third sister, Putricia, who didn’t look up at all. Putricia, being the youngest sister, was dressed like a mall goth. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground, focused on the handheld video game she was playing.* “And is that stew ready yet? I’m starrrrrrving.”
 
“What kind of witches are you that you don’t even know what widdershins means? I mean, c’mon! Was I the only one paying attention in class? I . . .” Cronella sighed and took a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Her doctor had warned her about her blood pressure. “The left. A little over to the left of the bowling alley.”
 
“Oh, okay. The LEFT.” Blandene squinted harder as she looked to the left of the bowling alley. “At Taco’Clock? Even better. They have the BEST guacamole, and their chips are homemade.”
 
Putricia looked up from her game. “Did I hear someone say Taco’Clock? Omigod, let’s go. Their guacamole is the BOMB.”
 
“No, your OTHER left, you idiots.”
 
“Rats. I was really looking forward to that guacamole,” said Blandene. She and Putricia joined Cronella at the edge of the cliff to get a better look. “Okay, to the left . . . Hmm. Oh! You mean the Park?”
 
“Yes! The Park.”
 
“Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” said Putricia.
 
“Because it’s cooler and more mysterious to just point and say, ‘Look yonder,’ that’s why!” Cronella threw her hands up. “We’re weird! We’re witches! Being mysterious is our thing. Duh!”
 
“Well, you don’t have to get so bent out of shape about it,” Putricia said, with a roll of her eyes.
 
“I’m NOT bent out of shape! I just take this weird-sisters thing seriously, okay?”
 
“Okay, you two. Break it up.” Being the middle sister, Blandene was used to having to come between the other two witches. “So, what’s the plan?”
 
“The plan is this: We shall go to the Park, set up shop there, and watch these amazing events unfold,” said Cronella. “When necessary, we’ll give advice to the players in this drama. You know, standard witch stuff.”
 
“Sounds good,” said Blandene. “Do you have some sort of scary prophecy to say before we eat and hit the road?”
 
“I thought you’d never ask!” Cronella waved her hands around in a witchy manner, and the fire below the cauldron flared up, lighting her face dramatically from below. In the distance, lightning began to crackle, and thunder boomed, even though the night was cloudless. Cronella began to speak:
 
A globe-headed King,
 
His brow bedecked with worry,
 
Annoyed by two Knaves
 
Who hath inspired his fury.
 
The Players shall fall,
 
A Spirit will rise,
 
To say any more
 
T’would spoil the surprise.
 
A spooky silence fell over the witches’ circle, a silence soon pierced by the appreciative slow clapping of Blandene and Putricia.
 
“That was very nice, Cronella,” said Blandene. “Excellent job!”
 
“Yes! Real awesome prophesying. I got goose bumps,” said Putricia, who held out her arm for her sister to inspect. She did, indeed, have goose bumps.
 
Cronella closed her eyes and put a hand to her heart. “Thanks, sisters. That means a lot to me. Even now, the King sleeps, perchance to dream of the events to come. We shall see him and his anonymous crew. But for now: It’s chowtime!”
 
The witches ladled witch stew into their bowls and began to eat, and here we shall leave them, for they have terrible table manners and they’re kind of gross to watch. Thus our prologue ends, and using the magic of literature (and theater), we switch our scene as our story REALLY begins . . .
 
CHAPTER ONE
 
 “Aaaaaaaaaah! Nooooooooo!”
 
Benson screamed as he jumped out of bed still half asleep, trying to put out an invisible fire. His tangled sheets twisted around his legs, and he fell to the floor with a thump. Panting, he looked around. He wasn’t back there, back then. It was now, and he was in his bedroom, in his apartment. And he was okay. Kind of.
 
“The same dream again,” he muttered. “Every night for the past week, I’ve dreamt that I’m back there reliving that terrible night when . . . no—that’s all in the past. There’s nothing I can do to change it. I have to look to the future.”
 
Getting up, he stumbled into his kitchen, where his automatic coffeemaker was already making a fresh pot of java. He squinted in the glare of the bright red light from the coffeemaker’s clock: six o’clock in the morning, almost time to go to work. Taking his favorite mug from the cupboard, Benson poured himself a cup of coffee and went to the kitchen window. The sun was just beginning to rise, and it bathed him in the glorious golden light of dawn, making him look super impressive.
 
“It’s time to do some really positive thinking. If everything goes according to plan, today the Park turns a page, and a new era begins,” Benson said with a smile. He took a satisfied sip and smiled again. This is a really good cup of coffee.
 
“Everything is going to be just GREAT . . . as long as those boneheads Mordecai and Rigby don’t screw it up.” Benson closed his eyes and crossed his fingers. “Please don’t let them screw it up, Theater Gods. Pleasepleaseplease.”
 
And that, dear reader, is what we call FORESHADOWING. Pay attention, because something crazy is going to happen, and it’s going to happen VERY soon.

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Book Description Penguin Putnam Inc, United States, 2016. Paperback. Condition: New. Language: English . Brand New Book. Hast thou heard of Shakespeare in the Park? Bro, this is so much cooler. Mordecai and Rigby are trying to slack off again, only this time it s about to ruin The Park s Shakespeare festival. This clever novel presents a light-hearted story of how Mordecai and Rigby from Regular Show try their hardest to get out of work and in the process wreak havoc on the festival in The Park. As usual, they must rely on their friends to help them cleanest up thy mess. Seller Inventory # AAS9780843183450

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