Chicken Poop From the Hole: The Defecatory Precursor Edition

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9780976800415: Chicken Poop From the Hole: The Defecatory Precursor Edition
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NEW BOOK BY LAVANIMAL ECLIPSES SOUTH PARK FOR GROTESQUE HUMOR AND OUTRAGEOUS INSIGHTS INTO LIFE'S CONUNDRUMS. Exploiting life's adversities, Lavanimal masterfully paints analogies that ring true with religious fervor (he's a devout Mormon as well as a complete moron). Lavanimal's explosively descriptive imagery will indelibly stain the toilet bowl of your mind! A plethora unmentionable chapters, including a unique peek into the true meaning of a decades-old Church Primary song, will spark off a duck-fit in the most serious moments of your life. "Chicken Poop from the Hole" by Ilyan Kei Lavanway, a.k.a Lavanimal, is unlike any book you may have ever read before. Focusing on the frailties and adversities that afflict mortal life, this compilation of anecdotes and real life experiences is brimful of scatological humor that borders on the outrageous and obnoxious. Lavanimal's disclaimer states, "WARNING: Lude, Crude, Rude, and Socially Unacceptable. Read at your own risk!" If you are squeamish or scandalized by toilet humor, "Chicken Poop from the Hole" is definitively not for you. However, if you need a "butt-load of humor" to cheer you up and dispel your gloominess or you would like a fresh and hilarious insight into your "shituation," this book is definitely recommended. With a forthright candor and an ability to laugh at himself, Lavanimal draws scatological analogies to everything in life. His stories range from ordinary events to the most painful experiences, from childhood memories to present-day professional problems, and from his experiences as a missionary to that as a certified nurse assistant at a geriatric care facility. According to Lavanimal, you cannot control the "swirl of the toilet bowl of life," but you can certainly choose to be a floater instead of a sinker and find humor amidst the worst of circumstances and situations. Although he is beset by a host of health problems and has endured a lot of "crap" as an officer in the United States Air Force, the author shares how he has faced his challenges and hardships with a sense of humor and without wallowing in self-pity. While recounting his experiences, Lavanimal is absolutely unmindful of being subtle and inoffensive in his graphic details. His "shit-shack short-liners" and poems are equally shocking. An example of his vivid descriptions is, "Seismic reverberations propagating from the depths of my rectal epicenter warned me of a tectonic bowel movement in play." Another gem is, "A fart is actually a bowel- generated aerosol propellant for microscopic defecatory particulates." A particularly interesting analogy he gives is, "As a simple clap or shout sets off an avalanche on snow-laden mountain terrain, an internal tremor caused by sulfurous methane bubbles in the upper bowels resonated through my intestinal topography, triggering a titanic assvalanche!" Besides his real life stories and perceptive insights, the author shares invaluable tips too. He explains how to raise a stink if you are pissed off with your superiors, what you can do to prevent someone from accidentally shutting the lights off on you when you are in a restroom "unloading your colon," or how to wake up a slumbering partner by teasing the person's olfactory nerve with a whiff of "sulfurous squalor." Beware! By the end of "Chicken Poop from the Hole," you are likely to explode with "heinous paroxysms of hilarity." However, if you dislike this book, follow the suggestion given by Lavanimal at the outset, "Just tear out the pages and wipe your butt with them."

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