Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us And How to Let It Go - Softcover

Miller, Daniel A.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0982893000 ISBN 13: 9780982893005

Publisher: Ebb and Flow Press, 2012

Synopsis

ForeWord Review 2011 Book of the Year Award Finalist! What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control? At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers. At home, they obsess over finding the "right" person. Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong. As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children's preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views. Sound familiar? Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselves-or realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness. In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011) Daniel Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life. What's more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts. Sharing his journey of transformation, Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to "surrender": his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace. Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged "control freaks," Losing Control, Finding Serenity guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patterns-whether prodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidating-down to the roots. As most controllers will discover, their compulsion to control is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxieties, and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments. Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity gives readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the "decontrol" tools to: *Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment. *Avoid avoidance, with techniques for overcoming procrastination and reassuring exercises for resisting the urge to withdraw from loved ones. *Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggles with children. *Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying to change their romantic partner. *Maintain realistic expectations in sports, whether as a player or a coach, and gain the competitive edge. *Free the flow of creative thinking by varying the perspective, addressing the fear of failure and success, and relaxing rather than over-thinking everything. *Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and job satisfaction-and reduce conflict and dissension. *Learn to be patient and calmly accept "what is," even when adversity strikes, to enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life. * Pursue your passions and achieve greater life balance In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond anyone's control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery. Find out how losing control really means gaining control.

About this title

About the Author

Like most compulsive controllers, Danny was always driven to succeed. He graduated from UCLA with honors in business administration and finished in the top 5 percentof his class at the UCLA School of Law.
 
While still inhis twenties, he became a popular real estate instructor in the UCLA extensionprogram, and in his thirties he wrote a critically acclaimed, best-selling professional book, How to Invest in Real Estate Syndicates (DowJones-Irwin, 1978). 
 
Financial success came early to Danny. Celebrities and other wealthy people entrusted him withlarge sums to invest on their behalf. By his midthirties he could afford to live in the exclusive Old Bel Air section of Los Angeles.
 
But for all his achievements and success, Danny had no sense of inner peace and serenity. He was imprisoned by his fears, anger, and anxieties--all bedfellows of controllers--and thus not open to the joy and wonders all around him.
 
After suffering aseries of traumatic events and financial setbacks that he could not control--no matter how hard he tried--he finally began a new life journey based on letting go of control and accepting people and things as they are. He surrendered to the ups and downs and twists and turns of life instead of resisting them and trying to control people and events.
 
 In the process, he became an artist, a published poet, a successful businessman, a champion senior tennis player, a happilymarried man, and a much wiser parent.
 
Thus, throughletting go of control and embracing life as it is, Danny found a different and more gratifying kind of success--an internal, core sense of well-being. He now writes and speaks about the profound benefits of letting go of control and practicing acceptance. His website danielamiller.com features over seventy of his blog posts on the control and acceptance dynamics, his poetry and paintings, and keynote speaker information.

Review

"The guidance in this book is something I'd recommend to anyone struggling with control issues.    I found invaluable information and advice on how to let go of the need to control." --POSITIVELY PRESENT (March, 2011)

"In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond our control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is." --The Monthly Aspectarian

"Down-to-earth and honest, the book is full of psychological and spiritual insight. It is also full of real world solutions for reconnecting with the natural flow of life and with our personal truth. This one will be terrific for 12-steppers." --NEW AGE RETAILER (May-June, 2011) 

"Daniel Miller has done an amazing job in delving deeply into the crevices of how most of us would need to be in control, not always realizing how it rules and affects our lives and even more so--the lives and happiness of others. Daniel has clearly lived it, and has learned from it, and has designed a formula to teach people how to change these controls by finding, understanding, and releasing issues one step at a time. A must read for everyone! --IN LIGHT TIMES

About this edition

• Publisher: Ebb and Flow Press
• Publication date: 2012
• ISBN 10: 0982893000
• ISBN 13: 9780982893005
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 224