Mr. Ed: Dead: And Other Obituaries of the Most Famous People Who Never Lived - Softcover

Nelson, Barry; Schecker, Tom

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1402237448 ISBN 13: 9781402237447

Publisher: Sourcebooks Inc, 2010

Synopsis

"We Regret To Announce The Following Passings:"

Flying Nun Violates DC Airspace, Shot Down

Betty Crocker Dead at 88; Rich But No Longer Moist

Little Engine Could; Brakes Could Not

Mr. Ripley, talented at social climbing; not so talented at mountain climbing

Twinkling Little Star Explodes in Supernova; Scientists No Longer Wonder What It Is

Inigo Montoya, 50, unprepared to die

Intestinal Blockage Claims Life of Dagwood Bumstead, 51

A Bottle of Red, A Bottle of White & A Sad Tragedy on Long Island

And Unfortunately, More Announcements To Be Found When You Kindly Turn To The Inside Pages.

Every day, the obituaries are the first section millions of newspaper readers turn to, especially eager for the tributes to the rich, famous, powerful?and dead. The problem is, you never hear what happened to some of our favorite (and not so favorite) fictional pop culture icons.

Mr. Ed: Dead gives everyone from Barney the Dinosaur to Betty Crocker, the AFLAC Duck, Wilbur the Pig, Little Orphan Annie, Cinderella, the Pillsbury Doughboy, and dozens of others the one thing they've never had; a proper send-off. Did Dick and Jane mature to productive adulthood, or succumb to the mire of adolescent angst? Does the ever lovable Barney escape the prospect of extinction? Where is Waldo? (Really. We should have heard from him by now).

About this title

About the Author

Barry Nelson spent 18 years in commercial radio as a host and producer, and he has written for NPR's Cartalk. He lives in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

Tom Schecker performs standup comedy throughout the New York and Philadelphia areas. Schecker lives in New York, and has red hair.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

VARIETY AUGUST 8, 1973
MR. ED: DEAD
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - Palomino gelding TV star and talking horse, Mr. Ed, has died. He was 34. Ed, born Bamboo Harvester in Greensboro, KY, was the longtime companion of architect Wilbur Post. Post designed and built special stable in his home, where Mr.Ed stayed for much of the 1960s.

Ed's television career ended in 1966. A modeling career followed, primarily as a unicorn in posters marketed to preteen girls. In 1967, he appeared in the classic spaghetti Western I Crudeli (The Hellbenders). Known for his wry sense of humor, Mr. Ed inked a deal to appear with Charles Bronson in Chino.

During a delay in shooting of the Western, the talking horse accepted an offer he couldn't refuse from Francis Ford Coppola to do a cameo role in The Godfather. Mr. Ed did not read the fine print in the contract, which specified that only his head would appear in the film, or else he likely would not have agreed to the scene that lead to his death. Sadly, a chemical error in the film-processing lab destroyed Mr. Ed's scenes. Coppola did reshot the scenes with 1950s movie idol Black Beauty.

TRAGIC MURDER-SUICIDE AT GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE
Dick, Jane & Spot Dead
SAN FRANCISCO
(San Francisco Chronicle) -
Dick said, "Jump, Jane, jump!"
Jane jumped.
Dick said, "Jump, Spot!"
Spot said, "Bark! Bark!"
Spot jumped.
Dick was sad.
"Oh, oh, oh. What have I done?"
Dick jumped, too.
The policeman said: "This is not fun. No, no, no. Mother, Father, Tim, and Puff will be sad."

JOE CAMEL, 92 TOBACCO FIRM MOURNS LOSS OF DROMEDARY-ABOUT-TOWN
RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) - Joe Camel died at Philip Morris Medical Center yesterday. "We're flummoxed-Joe was in terrific shape. I just saw him at the RJR Smoking Lounge yesterday," said a R. J. Reynolds spokesman.

Rumors that the icon had been suffering from emphysema, pulmonary edema, heart disease, and cancerous lesions on the hump for 10 years were, according to the spokesman, "A pack of lies-he was a robust 92 and probably had another 20 years in him."

Camel retired from his position representing the merits of youthful tobacco addiction in 1997 and went into hiding after consumer groups threatened his life. He surfaced in Asia, performing philanthropic pursuits consisting chiefly of handing out free bundles of cigarettes to children in Vietnam, Laos, and Thailand.

Camel will be cremated after being treated with a thousand toxic chemicals and rolled in thin, fast-combusting paper

Edition details

• Publisher: Sourcebooks Inc
• Publication date: 2010
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1402237448
• ISBN 13: 9781402237447
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 188