Miasha Never Enough: A Novel

ISBN 13: 9781416553380

Never Enough: A Novel

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9781416553380: Never Enough: A Novel
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Some prayed for my death, but I didn't go anywhere. I was a bad bitch before -- wait 'til they see me now....

In a single act of violence, beautiful gold digger Celess lost her best friend, Tina, and her good looks. She also lost her former love, Michael, when he learned her secret. Now depressed, suicidal, and horribly disfigured, Celess gets a phone call that changes her life.

Her heartbreak and a near-death experience transform Celess into a woman whose healed spirit takes her in new directions -- and straight into a modeling contract with one of Hollywood's top agencies. In Los Angeles, she reconnects with two old friends, Terry and Derrek, and through them, finds new friends and a new love. Life is good once again. But under the Hollywood limelight, will Celess's checkered past come back to haunt her and destroy the new life she has built for herself?

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About the Author:

Miasha is the author of nine novels, including Secret Society and the Essence bestseller Mommy's Angel. She and her family reside outside Atlanta, Georgia. For more information, visit her website at Miasha.com

Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

The Introduction

Flashbacks of my life appeared in my thoughts. Tina's pretty smile, money, cars, designer clothes, jewelry, and the men -- oh, the men! I think I might have been smiling in the hospital bed when I thought about the men. Their sexy asses. I couldn't believe the turn my life had taken. I couldn't believe I was up in the hospital once again having doctors fight to save my life. What was going to come of all this, I didn't know. Was I facing life or death? I wondered. And if I was to survive this one, what would I do differently? How would I live my life? I felt myself regaining consciousness as more thoughts filled my head.

"Celess," I heard a woman's voice mumble. It grew louder. "CELESS!"

I opened my eyes slowly and blinked several times trying to adjust to the bright lights. Ms. Carol was standing over me.

"She's awake!" Ms. Carol shouted.

A nurse entered the room and began waving her hands in front of my face. Naturally, my eyes followed her hands and that was a for-sure sign that I was no longer in a comatose state. Days later, right before my discharge, Ms. Carol came to see me and try to talk some sense into me.

"So," she said, shaking her head back and forth. "What are you going to do, live the rest of your life in and out of the hospital, pitying yourself?"

"That's not what I want," I answered, depressed.

"Then what do you want?"

"I want my life back. The way it was before."

"Well, I don't know about that, Celess. I mean, you weren't living right before and that's why you're suffering now."

"I know. So really it's not up to me. It's karma."

"But you can change all of that," she said, reaching into her pocketbook. "I've been doing some research and I found out that men who go through with the sex change tend to have happier lives post-op than pre-op."

I looked at the pamphlets Ms. Carol had in her hands and didn't say anything.

"I just think you should do it. I know you want to be a woman more than anything, and you have so much more living to do. This is your second brush with death because of the same thing. How much longer are you going to allow this dark cloud to hang over you? And how many more times do you think God is going to spare your life?" Ms. Carol pressed.

I thought about what Ms. Carol was saying and she was right. I did want to be a woman. But I was letting my situation get the best of me. I was letting sadness and depression take control of me, and I was actually getting used to sympathy. Maybe I was pitying myself, and that was no way to live for somebody like me, who'd loved life at one time.

Ms. Carol interrupted my thoughts. "You're so young, Celess. You're only twenty-two years old. You have a full life ahead of you. Why let it waste away?"

I finally spoke. "All right. I want to do it."

Ms. Carol's face lit up. "Are you serious?" she asked. "I mean, by no means do I want you to go through with this on my account. I want it to be something you really want to do."

"Ms. Carol, I'm tired of living this way. You're right, I'm only twenty-two. I could be doing so much, seeing so much, being so much. If it was meant for me to die, I would have been dead. God must have a plan for me. And who am I to disrupt that?"

Ms. Carol nodded and with tears in her eyes she said, "I just think you'll be so happy. I can see you being this beautiful woman with so much to offer this world."

"Well, whatever the outcome, I'm tired of risking my life for one organ. Cut the shit off," I said plainly.

Ms. Carol went on to explain the procedure and the costs based on her research. She even gave me the names and numbers of a few surgeons. Most were out of town, but they were specialists and had achieved optimum results. When it was all said and done, I took Ms. Carol's advice. I left the hospital with a mission to accomplish. I was going to be a woman once and for all.

Getting sexual reassignment surgery, or SRS, took a lot more than what I initially expected. I thought I could research a surgeon, schedule an appointment, and have it done. That was so not the case. I was ordered to be evaluated by a psychiatrist for six months -- luckily, I had Ms. Carol -- and a medical doctor had to determine me a suitable candidate according to the guidelines of the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association. In the meantime, I opted to go ahead and get the facial feminizing surgery I had discussed with my doctor in the past. I had the forehead surgery, which included scalp advancement, brow elevation, the removal of my superorbital bossing, and the contouring of my orbital rim. I also had a rhinoplasty, otherwise known as a nose job. I waited a month to have a cheek augmentation. Then I got hair transplants. I had just completed my genital electrolysis and was ready for my actual sex change, or a vaginoplasty, as it's called in medical terms. Along with that procedure I was getting a boob job the same day. I stored my sperm in case in the future I wanted to have a baby. I didn't think I would -- especially not with my sperm -- but when the option was presented to me, I said what the hell, you never know.

I was nervous going into the surgery, even after undergoing so many others beforehand. But this was the big one, the one that would forever make me a woman. There was no turning back. I spent about nine days in the hospital after having my penis inverted to create a vagina. Then three months later I was back in for the follow-up procedure, the labioplasty, where the doctor basically perfected the form and look of my new sex. The next day I was on my way back home to Philly from Portland, Oregon. I had my name changed legally as well as my Social Security number.

It took close to two long, gruesome years before I was done with all my surgeries and I officially became Celess. It took me a little while to get fully comfortable in my new skin. Actually, it seemed like I would never get there. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I was pleased with the results. I looked pretty like I had before I was shot in the face. And my body was right. It was just that I was still self-conscious. I guessed it was because of having been cooped up in the house for so long, and then whenever I did go outside I wasn't receiving attention from men like I used to. A casual hello or a minor glance was all I got; the stop-and-stare and the turning heads were a thing of the past. Maybe it was me, but I kept asking myself had I made a mistake. Had I lost my sex appeal when I lost my penis? I didn't know. But what I did know was that I was bound to be one miserable tranny if shit didn't change soon.

Ms. Carol invited me on a shopping trip to Woodbury Commons, an outlet mall of high-end stores in upstate New York. I didn't want to go, partly because I didn't do the outlet shopping shit and partly because I hadn't been in the mood to go anywhere since my transformation. But she practically begged me, and when I thought about it, I realized I could use some lounge-around clothes and I did need some new bras for my recently enhanced bustline. So I decided to go. It was a good thing too, because it was there that I met Brad, a New York City-based photographer. He was eyeing me while I selectively picked through the marked-down items in Dolce & Gabbana. He approached me and handed me his business card.

"Excuse me for intruding, but I couldn't help but notice your stunning beauty," he said with what sounded like a Russian accent.

I smiled and took the card. Not that I cared what it said or who he was. But the fact that he was the first guy to compliment me in such a way in such a long time made me feel open. Shit, I could have fallen in love with him right then and there.

"I'm a fashion photographer and I'm actually in the process of shooting an editorial for Harper's Bazaar magazine -- "

"I love Bazaar," I cut him off. I was overexcited and maybe even a little fake, but I couldn't help it. I could not keep my cool with the guy.

"Yeah? Well, I'd love it if you could come and do a test shoot for it. I think your look is just perfect for the story."

"Well, here, take my number," I said, almost throwing myself at him. "Call me. I'll do it."

I gave the photographer my cell phone number and got back to shopping. I didn't have any expectations and figured if he called, he called. Shit, I was just happy he called me beautiful.

I heard from Brad a couple days later and took the train to New York that following week. It was right before Christmas in 2004.

"Hold that, yes. Great. That's beautiful." Brad guided me as he snapped away. "Last frame."

I exhaled after the last flash sparked. It had been one long day in New York. Scene after scene, wardrobe change after wardrobe change, shot after shot. I was exhausted to say the least, but my adrenaline was pumping.

"How did I do?" I asked Brad.

"Just as I expected," he responded. "Fantastic. You can get changed."

I smiled at Brad's report and headed toward the changing room. Inside were two guys who were apparently getting ready for their photo shoot. They looked up and greeted me as I entered. Then they continued doing what they were doing before I walked in. I waited a few seconds before grabbing my clothes off the hangers to see if they would offer me privacy. When they didn't I figured I was expected to change in front of them. The nervousness quickly evaporated as I remembered I had nothing to hide anymore. I was a woman with a well-constructed vagina, and, in fact, I was eager to show it off. I hadn't gotten any opinions on it from people other than doctors and nurses, so a positive reaction from the guys in the dressing room would be a morale booster.

I pulled off the big fluffy dress I was in, took down my panty hose, and slipped into my jeans panty-less. I noticed the guys peeking and I smiled inside at their obvious hard-ons. I felt myself growing confident and horny at the same time. Then I thought of having a threesome with them. Hell, they were good-lookin...

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Book Description SIMON SCHUSTER, United States, 2016. Paperback. Condition: New. Language: English . Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****. Some prayed for my death, but I didn t go anywhere. I was a bad bitch before -- wait til they see me now. In a single act of violence, beautiful gold digger Celess lost her best friend, Tina, and her good looks. She also lost her former love, Michael, when he learned her secret. Now depressed, suicidal, and horribly disfigured, Celess gets a phone call that changes her life. Her heartbreak and a near-death experience transform Celess into a woman whose healed spirit takes her in new directions -- and straight into a modeling contract with one of Hollywood s top agencies. In Los Angeles, she reconnects with two old friends, Terry and Derrek, and through them, finds new friends and a new love. Life is good once again. But under the Hollywood limelight, will Celess s checkered past come back to haunt her and destroy the new life she has built for herself?. Seller Inventory # APC9781416553380

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Book Description SIMON SCHUSTER, United States, 2016. Paperback. Condition: New. Language: English . Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****.Some prayed for my death, but I didn t go anywhere. I was a bad bitch before -- wait til they see me now. In a single act of violence, beautiful gold digger Celess lost her best friend, Tina, and her good looks. She also lost her former love, Michael, when he learned her secret. Now depressed, suicidal, and horribly disfigured, Celess gets a phone call that changes her life. Her heartbreak and a near-death experience transform Celess into a woman whose healed spirit takes her in new directions -- and straight into a modeling contract with one of Hollywood s top agencies. In Los Angeles, she reconnects with two old friends, Terry and Derrek, and through them, finds new friends and a new love. Life is good once again. But under the Hollywood limelight, will Celess s checkered past come back to haunt her and destroy the new life she has built for herself?. Seller Inventory # APC9781416553380

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