Phil Torcivia Nice Meeting You

ISBN 13: 9781453659229

Nice Meeting You

3.65 avg rating
( 26 ratings by Goodreads )
 
9781453659229: Nice Meeting You
View all copies of this ISBN edition:
 
 

A divorced man continues his hilarious search for true love as he struggles to learn what women really want.

Excerpt from Nice Meeting You - Breakup Form Letter

Dear [insert name of the person you will no longer be sleeping with, unless you get really drunk and lonely],

I [have enjoyed/was bored by/regretted] our relationship but [unfortunately/fortunately/thank freaking God] it has come to an end. You're a real [special/nice/stupid] person, and I'm doing this in print so that you don't have any misconceptions about why our relationship is over.

Here are the main reasons why I [don't love you anymore/need a break/can no longer stand the sight of you]:

[Insert all that apply.]

  • You smell.
  • You're a slob.
  • Your [pets/children/family] are nuisances.
  • You're cheap.
  • I found your Match.com profile, and it is chock full of lies. (Athletic and Toned? Really?)
  • You don't wash your [sheets/shirts/self] often enough.
  • You're a Boston [Celtics/Red Sox/anything] fan.
  • You dress as if you're going to a [trailer-park party/high school gym class/luau/funeral].
  • Your taste in [food/wine/TV shows/movies/music/coffee] sucks.
  • I found compromising pictures of you on [your cell phone/Facebook/my friend's phone].
  • Whereas you used to [workout/run/surf] multiple times weekly, now you spend more time [riding the couch/playing video games/surfing porn].
  • You haven't bought me [jewelry/flowers/chocolate/squat-ola] in months.
  • I'd rather pay twice the rent than have to stare at your [fat/hairy/bald] [back/butt/head] for another night.
  • I've met someone [nicer/better/prettier/more handsome/less annoying].
All that remains for us to settle at this point is the following:
  • [I am/You are] keeping the [sofa/pictures/videos/ring].
  • Please [leave my stuff in a bag on your front porch/bring my stuff to my place, and maybe we'll have farewell sex/donate my stuff to Goodwill, except my toothbrush, you ass].
  • You [are/are not] allowed to hang out in my favorite [bar/gym/restaurant].
I [thank/hate] you for the time we [spent/wasted] together. I wish you [good luck/facial warts/lonely nights]. If you'd like to discuss this in person, [I'm open to it/tough cookies/get over yourself]. I'm [sorry/glad/ecstatic] if this comes as a shock to you and causes severe emotional damage. Have a [nice/awful/lonely] life, you [deserve to find someone nice/loser/fuck nugget].

[Love/Sincerely/Yours/Ew, please go away],
[insert your name]
[The one that got away/It's your fault, so die already/Coming soon with a friend near you].

P.S. You're a [cadaverous/clumsy/incompetent] lover. Go get some professional help.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

From the Author:

Maybe I'm better off hanging with my buddies Jack, Jim, Jose, and Johnnie.

From the Back Cover:

God: "Oh, trust me, he's not going to hell; he's already there. If he keeps this up, I'll relocate him to the hottest section: Hollywood."

Moses: "I need to lead the author away from the misery that is single life. He's convinced that his wit will part the thighs of lovely women. However, usually he's left alone, holding his staff."

Online Date #124: "Nice? Sure, he's nice until it's time for post-coital conversation, and then he comes up with some lame excuse like, 'Sorry, you need to leave now. I have to get up for work at five.'"

Phil's Nephew: "My Uncle Phil is funny, but I don't understand why I rarely see him with the same girl twice. He must be like that kid up the street who doesn't play well with others."

Hot Female Bartender: "If you ask me, Phil is a kind, hopeless romantic. He knows how to listen, I rarely catch him staring at my boobs, and he was a total gentleman when he drove me home last week. Hm. Then again, it was his home and I did wake up in his bed ... naked."

Syd (Phil's cat): "He brings home these flower-scented human cat toys for us, and just when we feel comfortable enough to come out and play with one, he discards it. He's odd."

Symon (Syd's bitter brother): "Pop's really starting to piss me off. I can't be having my flaked tuna breakfast postponed by his bizarre mating rituals."

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

Top Search Results from the AbeBooks Marketplace

1.

Torcivia, Phil
Published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform (2010)
ISBN 10: 1453659226 ISBN 13: 9781453659229
New Quantity Available: > 20
Print on Demand
Seller:
Pbshop
(Wood Dale, IL, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2010. PAP. Condition: New. New Book. Shipped from US within 10 to 14 business days. THIS BOOK IS PRINTED ON DEMAND. Established seller since 2000. Seller Inventory # IQ-9781453659229

More information about this seller | Contact this seller

Buy New
US$ 10.52
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

2.

Phil Torcivia
Published by Createspace, United States (2010)
ISBN 10: 1453659226 ISBN 13: 9781453659229
New Paperback Quantity Available: 10
Print on Demand
Seller:
Book Depository International
(London, United Kingdom)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Createspace, United States, 2010. Paperback. Condition: New. Mervin Kaunda (illustrator). Language: English . Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****. A divorced man continues his hilarious search for true love as he struggles to learn what women really want. Seller Inventory # APC9781453659229

More information about this seller | Contact this seller

Buy New
US$ 15.16
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

3.

Phil Torcivia
Published by Createspace, United States (2010)
ISBN 10: 1453659226 ISBN 13: 9781453659229
New Paperback Quantity Available: 10
Print on Demand
Seller:
The Book Depository
(London, United Kingdom)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Createspace, United States, 2010. Paperback. Condition: New. Mervin Kaunda (illustrator). Language: English . Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****.A divorced man continues his hilarious search for true love as he struggles to learn what women really want. Seller Inventory # APC9781453659229

More information about this seller | Contact this seller

Buy New
US$ 15.71
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

4.

Torcivia, Phil
Published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform (2010)
ISBN 10: 1453659226 ISBN 13: 9781453659229
New Quantity Available: > 20
Print on Demand
Seller:
Books2Anywhere
(Fairford, GLOS, United Kingdom)
Rating
[?]

Book Description Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2010. PAP. Condition: New. New Book. Delivered from our UK warehouse in 4 to 14 business days. THIS BOOK IS PRINTED ON DEMAND. Established seller since 2000. Seller Inventory # IQ-9781453659229

More information about this seller | Contact this seller

Buy New
US$ 9.47
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 11.92
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

5.

Phil Torcivia
Published by CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (2010)
ISBN 10: 1453659226 ISBN 13: 9781453659229
New Softcover Quantity Available: 1
Seller:
Irish Booksellers
(Portland, ME, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2010. Condition: New. Mervin Kaunda (illustrator). book. Seller Inventory # M1453659226

More information about this seller | Contact this seller

Buy New
US$ 26.10
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: FREE
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds

6.

Phil Torcivia, Mervin Kaunda (Illustrator)
Published by CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (2010)
ISBN 10: 1453659226 ISBN 13: 9781453659229
New Paperback Quantity Available: 1
Seller:
Ergodebooks
(RICHMOND, TX, U.S.A.)
Rating
[?]

Book Description CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2010. Paperback. Condition: New. Seller Inventory # DADAX1453659226

More information about this seller | Contact this seller

Buy New
US$ 24.53
Convert Currency

Add to Basket

Shipping: US$ 3.99
Within U.S.A.
Destination, Rates & Speeds