Practical Wisdom: The Seeker's Guide to a Meaningful Life - Softcover

Mallinder, Frank

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1462040519 ISBN 13: 9781462040513

Publisher: iUniverse, 2011

Synopsis

Untapped potential exists within all people. In Practical Wisdom, author and intuitive coach Frank Mallinder shares practical wisdom that can help individuals live purposeful, high-energy lives that truly match their distinctive talents and capabilities. Filled with real-life examples, Practical Wisdom gives simple yet powerful steps that can dramatically improve people's lives. Mallinder helps readers face their fears of making big life changes and assists them in determining how their talents can be used and challenged every day through these objectives. Built on a technique guided by the four Cs-courage, clarity, commitment, and compassion-Mallinder shows how people can create new soul-enriching and ambitious life patterns by choosing to do what they've always wanted to accomplish in many aspects of their lives. Practical Wisdom provides step-by-step guides and formulas that aim to help readers let go of the fears that have prevented them from passionately engaging in life. By discovering their own directions and truths, people will live more meaningful and fulfilling lives.

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Practical Wisdom

The Seeker's Guide to a Meaningful LifeBy Frank Mallinder

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Frank Mallinder
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-4051-3

Contents

Acknowledgments..........................................................................................viiIntroduction: Do You need Another self-Insight Book?.....................................................xiChapter 1: Caution: You Are about to enter the Big Change Zone...........................................1Chapter 2: Just How Conscious Are You?...................................................................10Chapter 3: Here Is a Word You Won't Find in Wikipedia: Gapability........................................20Chapter 4: Do You Really Know the truth?.................................................................24Chapter 5: the Invisible Force: emotions.................................................................37Chapter 6: Life Is Like a Crowded elevator—Constrained and out of Your Control.....................50Chapter 7: the Real secret to a Meaningful Life..........................................................55Chapter 8: shift Happens.................................................................................64Chapter 9: the Master Key—the smile exercise.......................................................68Chapter 10: For the Doubters.............................................................................80Chapter 11: Finding true north...........................................................................82Chapter 12: there Is no silver Bullet....................................................................88Bibliography.............................................................................................97

Chapter One

Caution: You Are about to enter the Big Change Zone

Pete finished running his first marathon a few days before our twelfth coaching session. He was an eager student and a fast learner whom I coached for many months. What a different person he was in the twelfth session from the first time we talked! During his first coaching session, he said to me, "My goal for the coaching process is to be disciplined enough to pay off all of my debts, including my mortgage. I want to be able to enjoy a peaceful retirement with my wife." There was very little energy/excitement in his voice as he talked about his life and his goals. When I inquired about his debts and mortgage, I discovered that they weren't really a large percentage of his income, and the goal wasn't much of a stretch. The real issue was that Pete wasn't enjoying his life. He was bored and feeling unfulfilled even though he had a good job, a loving wife, and two wonderful toys: a motorcycle and sailboat. Like many of my over-forty clients, he was trying to fill the infamous hole in the soul, and he thought that getting coaching on a goal he perceived to be important would energize his life. The actual problem was that his real identity had gotten lost over the years, and he was not living a meaningful life. His real talents were not being used. Pete is a creative person who was drowning in a routine, rule-bound job as an internal auditor. He loves traveling, taking photos, exercising outdoors, and giving back to his community, and he had a strong desire to visit Ireland, which is the homeland of his father. None of these things were currently present in his life. In essence, the things that would create a meaningful life for him were missing.

Leading a meaningful life is much harder work than most self-insight gurus would lead you to believe. In my experience, most people aren't concerned about leading a meaningful life until they are forty-plus years old. Prior to that they believe that the activities that fill their planners are what create meaning. Their motto is "A busy life is a meaningful life." some people eventually realize that all of the things that consume their days do nothing to eliminate the emptiness and ache they feel for not fully being who they were sent here to be.

There is no digital device, no matter how frequently you use it or intently you monitor it that will soothe an aching soul.

My clients are generally surprised when they realize what it takes to create a life that is peacefully supercharged. You will know that you are peacefully supercharged when you feel the energy that comes from knowing and living your mission. You have the peace from clearly knowing who you are, and your energy is fueled by the excitement of fulfilling your mission. To attain a peacefully supercharged life, you must be ready to make a Big Change. By Big Change, I mean a change that will transform your life. It is the change that leads to the authentic you. The Big Change is what you do when you are ready to fully utilize all of your talents and live your life's mission.

Pete made the Big Change. During our twelfth coaching session, as I listened to him bubble over about the wonderful experience he had in the marathon, I felt privileged to be his coach. Pete had mastered all of things I believe are necessary to live out his potential in a meaningful way. He ran that marathon for two reasons. One was that he enjoys running and wanted to test his running skills in a marathon. The second and perhaps more significant reason was that he wanted to add meaning to his life by raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. He raised over $2,000.

Pete has broken out of his self-imposed subconscious fear-based restraints and is living the life of a creative and adventurous individual. He was able to transition from a life that was an incomplete match to his potential to one that is becoming a perfect match for his talents. He is finding meaning in all areas of his life where before there was little or no meaning. Instead of the relatively small and easy goal of paying off debt, Pete went for the Big Change and is now experiencing his talents and living a meaningful life. He's also making plans to visit Ireland.

Caution: You Are about to Enter the "Big Change" Zone

There are four major character traits required to make the Big Change. I identified these traits earlier when I considered what led my clients to success in making their Big Change. It just so happens that all of the traits begin with the letter C.

The four Cs of Big Change are as follows:

• Courage

• Clarity

• Commitment

• Compassion

Without the four Cs of Big Change,

• creating a peacefully supercharged, meaningful, and talent-driven life will not be obtainable or sustainable;

• implementing the practical wisdom I detail in this book (or implementing anything you read on self-insight for that matter) will be very difficult.

Let's look at each one of the four Cs.

Courage

Courage is perhaps the most important one of the four Cs. I define courage as the willingness to do things that the average person won't. Creating a joy-filled life requires that you look at parts of your life that you couldn't or wouldn't look at before. As you examine each part of your life, you must be ready to be honest with yourself about whether it is working or not. Courage also requires actions that may be uncomfortable and disruptive to life as you know it. To stop the cycle of doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result, you must have the courage to do things differently.

In order to run the marathon, Pete had to have the courage to do things differently than before. He had to create a training schedule that was much more rigorous than he had ever experienced. He had to have the courage to continue training even when it would have been easier to sit at home after a long day at work. Because he was training, his wife was upset that he wasn't always at home as he once was. He had to have the courage to face her displeasure with his workout schedule. Let me add that Pete wasn't neglecting his wife; he just wasn't there all of the time. (By the way, his wife is now running with him and they plan to run a half marathon together.)

Susan was a forty-eight-year-old client who unexpectedly found herself pregnant. She had one other child who was a junior in high school, and he no longer required untold amounts of time and attention. Her career was really taking off, and she was enjoying it a great deal. Her husband had his own business that was doing well. Susan thought that she was at the point in her life when she would have the freedom to do what she wanted. The unplanned pregnancy literally blew up all of her plans. It seemed to put a major kink in all of the things that she had worked on during our coaching sessions. Susan had a great deal of faith in God, and this was a major test of that faith. It took courage for her to examine what she was feeling versus what she believed in. This was the darkest, most difficult time of her life. The outcome of her courage was a wonderful daughter who has added immensely to the lives of Susan and her family.

When courage is absent as you embark on a Big Change, you will find yourself continually questioning the wisdom of your decision to go for it. Insufficient courage and an average life of low meaning sounds like, "I am comfortable where I am. Why push myself? Nobody will notice if I don't finish this. It doesn't matter anyway."

Courage is not something that you wake up with one morning and declare that you possess it. Courage is something you develop over time. You must create a solid foundation for your life in order to possess courage. In this book, you will learn things that will add to your level of courage and preparedness to live a meaningful life. There is no doubt in my mind that it takes courage to make the Big Change. Understanding the four Cs is one thing that will help open your eyes.

Commitment

Commitment is defined as the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled. When you are in the Big Change Zone, being emotionally impelled is mandatory. Anything less and you end up frustrated just as you have so many times in the past. Making the Big Change requires that you significantly alter what you have stored in your subconscious mind. What most people refer to as commitment is the willingness to say yes to what you think someone else wants you to do. We seldom say yes to a commitment because we want it; we say yes to make other people happy and get them off our backs.

The positive-thinking gurus have trained us to say yes anytime they ask a question that is supposed to lead us to a brighter and more prosperous life, as if simply saying yes in a loud voice will result in a new behavior. For most people, they are no sooner out the door of the positive-thinking gurus' seminars when they can no longer generate the commitment to follow through on what they had loudly proclaimed they would do just thirty minutes earlier. How can you be emotionally impelled if part of your Big Change is to elevate your emotional energy to a level you have seldom experienced? Most people don't really know what commitment is or what it feels like. Being fully committed feels uncomfortable when you first experience it. Be prepared for the discomfort when you launch your Big Change.

During our coaching call, I asked Bill if he was really committed to doing what it would take to make his catering business take off. Was he ready to complete the business plan, set a budget and stick to it, make thousands of phone calls (he hated doing cold calls), and devote ten to twelve hours a day to it for the first year? so far Bill had a different excuse every coaching call for why he had delayed diving into doing the things he said he needed to do for the business. I asked the question about commitment on this coaching call because I wanted Bill to come face to face with his level of commitment. As soon as I asked about his level of commitment, Bill said in a very direct voice, "Yes!" However, I sensed less-than-full commitment, and I explained that it was okay to say no to the question. I asked him to tell me what was in his heart and not what he thought he should tell me. There was long pause. I took that as my cue to explain the difference between real commitment and fake commitment. Within several weeks, Bill made a real commitment and charged full steam ahead with his business.

Commitment represents a state of internal energy that is imperturbable. When you are committed, you will do whatever it takes to maintain that level of energy. Most people mistake having an interest in something with making a commitment to it. The difference is immense. When you have an interest in something, it indicates that you would be happy to see your interest materialize. However, if it doesn't work out, that is okay, too. There is always a reason why you couldn't follow through.

If you asked me at any point in the past five years if I was committed to writing this book, I would have quickly responded yes. However, I wasn't. I had an interest in doing it, and I always had excuses as to why I wasn't working on it at the current time. Fear and procrastination were my constant subconscious companions on this book. It wasn't until late last year that I became committed to completing it. I realized that living my life's mission meant that I must complete and publish this book. When I realized that, the energy and creativity I put into it accelerated.

Here is a test you can use to determine if you are committed to a goal or an intention. Ask yourself, "What is the most important thing in my life that I intend to accomplish in the next ninety days? What am I going to accomplish toward the realization of my intention in the next seven days?" As you ask yourself these two questions, notice the energy you feel as you answer them. Did you feel a surge of power, or did you get a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and a reluctance to come up with answers? It you felt the latter, you are probably not committed. If you felt the former and you actually meet your seven-day goal, then you are committed to your intention. There is no sin in not really being committed to a goal. The problem with fake commitment is that it generates guilt and anxiety as well as a diminished sense of self-worth when you don't follow through. It is very difficult to fully commit to something when you lack clarity about who you are and what you really want from life.

Clarity

If you enter the Big Change Zone without clarity, you are doomed to wander around aimlessly while your frustration grows as you fail to reach your destination. Instituting changes that will help you create a more meaningful, joyful, and abundant life demands clarity on several different levels. The obvious one is that you must be very clear on what you want and why you want it. Secondly, it is important that you understand what your life's mission is and how the change will help fulfill it. The third aspect of clarity is that you must recognize the subconscious patterns that drive your behavior. You will need to understand which patterns are fear-based and what must change into in order to achieve your goal. Until you make the subconscious patterns changes, goal achievement will be nonexistent or short-lived.

When I started working with Jane, she was in a lot of emotional and spiritual pain. She had no mission statement, operated from fear-based patterns most of the time, and on every coaching call she wanted to focus on something different. First it was to find a job, then it was to be a leader in a service organization, then it was to be a writer, and the list goes on. All along the way we kept clarifying subconscious patterns and working on her mission statement. Slowly, clarity developed. The emotional and spiritual pain has been replaced with a feeling of joy, a clear direction for her career, and new power and joy in her writing.

I admire Jane a great deal because she had the courage to keep learning and looking at parts of her life that were not working. As fears were replaced with a strong sense of self, it became easier to make and keep commitments. Additionally, she no longer made commitments to things that don't fit with who she really is. What a release of energy that created. As her clarity evolved, her actions became bolder and more creative. The process has taken several years. When you enter the Big Change Zone, be prepared to spend more than thirty minutes getting to the answer. In three months you will have a solid start on your change. With commitment and the other three Cs, your Big Change will occur within six months to a year.

Compassion

The Dalai Lama is quoted as saying, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." If I may be so bold as to add to that statement, I suggest that if you want to be happy, you must not only be compassionate toward others, you must be compassionate toward yourself. Once you have learned to be truly compassionate toward yourself, then you can be more compassionate toward others.

Like Jane, whom I mentioned in the section on clarity, most of my clients have long-hidden, yet very powerful subconscious fear-based patterns that are the source of a never-ending barrage of negative self-talk. It is impossible to create a meaningful, mission-driven life if you don't love yourself. How can you create change if you are constantly criticizing what you are doing and thinking? How can you create joy and abundance if your constant companion is fear?

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Practical Wisdomby Frank Mallinder Copyright © 2011 by Frank Mallinder. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Edition details

• Publisher: iUniverse
• Publication date: 2011
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1462040519
• ISBN 13: 9781462040513
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 116