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Create the Life You Need! offers proven techniques yo take control of your future
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In Create the Life You Need! Dr. Charles Franklin, Ph.D., LCSW, BCD, has brought together for the first time the full range of tried-and-true methods and techniques developed over his long career as a therapist and teacher. Together, they offer invaluable help for us all in facing life’s many diverse challenges. Holder of a master’s degree in social work from the University of Washington and a doctorate in sociology from the University of Colorado, Dr. Franklin is a licensed Clinical Social Worker and a certified Divorce and Child Custody Mediator. In addition to his research, writing, and personal counseling work, he has provided private and public outpatient community mental health and inpatient services to a broad range of clients since 1971, and is a qualified Spanish/English bilingual therapist. He has been an undergraduate and graduate instructor at six universities, teaching family therapy, social welfare, social psychology, sociology of conflict, and social conflict analysis. His expertise and multiple problem-solving approaches to psychological and interpersonal problems also have led to wide success as an educator, negotiator, program manager, consultant, administrator, and leader in his profession. As a volunteer, Dr. Franklin has worked with the American Friends Service Committee and provided family mental health care after major disaster, community services during racial violence, poverty assistance, psychiatric inpatient services, and educational/community development aid in Guatemala. He has received awards from Colorado Amigos de las Americas, the Colorado Medical Society, the American Red Cross, and the Municipalidad de Fraijanes in Guatemala. In his non-professional life, Dr. Franklin enjoys painting, music, and biking.Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:
From Chapter 3
Intimacy requires understanding. Successful couples share where they are, what they want, and why they want it. This lets them become practically and emotionally supportive, since they have to find agreement. Understanding requires open exchange.
Intimacy requires empathy. We must know what our companion is feeling and why. Thus, we could imagine having the same feelings in the same situation. Empathy requires that we tune in to ourselves and find an emotional similarity with our companion.
Intimacy also needs affection. Affection includes love, admiration, and encouragement. Yet strong affection makes us vulnerable to pain. Problems can switch our emotions and even our commitment. Caring makes us happy but vulnerable to sadness, excited but possibly fearful and proud. But if the relationship fails, we could feel ashamed. Thus, affection has a high value, but it must be carefully maintained.
We want our companions to be romantic. That means not just intellectually and emotionally beneficial to us but also physically and sexually attractive. And we want to be attractive to them.
A successful relationship requires a lot! But the benefits are enormous. Self-esteem is increased, encouragement is strong, and assistance is always present. Our learning, growth, and accomplishments are strongly enhanced. Plus happiness is present.
The way to find a companion is by dating. Its purpose is to find out about each other. Thus, at the end of a date, you should know something about the person you’ve been out with that you didn’t know before, and that person should know something about you that was unknown before. This includes things we like and things we don’t. Both are essential.
How does dating compare with courting? Courtship has a different purpose. It is not to show the other person who you are; it is to convince that person to join you. Therefore, people who are courting anticipate what the other person would want to see and receive. They create the appearance they believe will sell themselves best.
That is not reality; it is fake. It might work to deceive the person you are courting in the short run, but since it is not who you actually are and is not sustainable in the long run, the other person will be shocked to discover who you really are, will feel betrayed, and could leave with anger. Nonetheless, courters hope to permanently capture the other person as their spouse.
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