I never wanted to read Sir Thomas Malory's great classic, Le Morte D'Arthur. All my friends warned me against it. But it seemed inevitable -- it is, after all, one of the foundational texts of English-language fantasy literature. It's also a repetitive, nonsensical slog through jousting tournament after jousting tournament, with dozens of knights (all of whom have ridiculous names) and nearly as many damosels (most of whom Malory doesn't bother to name). It's with you in mind that I wrote this. Take it, and read it, and avoid reading the raw vintage fifteenth-century Arthuriana. In this volume, I retell Le Morte D'Arthur, book by book, chapter by chapter. As we go, I point out all Malory's continuity errors, laugh at his bizarre sexism, and make a couple of jokes along the way. This volume (#1) describes the first two books of the saga. Thrill as Arthur is conceived! Marvel at what a jerk Merlin turns out to be! Enjoy the one bit of the story that everybody knows, with a sword stuck inside something! Be amazed as Malory repeats the sword-stuck-inside-something motif twice more in this volume alone! These are tales of Arthur's early days, back before he settled down and married Guenever and had the Round Table rolled into Camelot.
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