No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret Not Sacred Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen

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9781560850281: No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret Not Sacred Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen

"A Marvelous Work with Wonder Bread," "Jesus-Fed-the-Multitudes Tuna Helper," and "I Knead Thee Every Hour Rolls" are among the special heirloom recipes reluctantly shared by Sister Christensen in No Man Knows My Pastries. This faux cook book chronicles the special love affair Mormons have with lowbrow eating and provides easy, step-by-step directions for preparation of the likes of bologna mock chicken wings. Sister Christensen illustrates her favorite culinary hints with photographs of herself with her buns in the kitchen and of Brother Christensen at his TV tray wolfing down her delectable delights. Her ingenious "Jell-O-Matrix" will help readers match flavors and ingredients with appropriate party themes; her "Mauve Wedding Punch" is guaranteed to match bridesmaids' dresses; and kids will "massacre" her "Mountain Meadows Muffins." From "In-Breads" to "Just Desserts," everyone can savor the self-identified "kreme" of Utah cuisine. "I've been mobbed for a recipe after more than one pot luck," Sister Christensen admits in her preface. It "makes me sad to think there are brethren and sisters who have not discovered the joy of diced Spam casserole." Out of duty to the betterment of ward dinners everywhere, she was persuaded to go into print. "So, sisters," she concludes, "get out your aprons and let's get cooking."

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About the Author:

Roger B. Salazar, a hairdresser, claims to have acquired cherished recipes from his Salt Lake Valley Relief Society clientele, which is how he conjured up "Sister Enid Christensen," the alleged co-author of his humorous book, No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen. Michael G. Wightman, a Salt Lake City music composer (part-time) and house painter (full-time), says he inherited family cookbooks from generations of zucchini-loving progenitors. These, along with his keen sense of humor and natural "Mo-look," were invaluable contributions to No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen, which he co-authored and for which he posed as "Brother Christensen."

Review:

Roger Salazar emerges from two hours in make-up ready for another book appearance. In his arms is an enormous, multicolored, molded Jell-O. "I never thought I would parlay my theater degree into book promotion," says Salazar, author of No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen. In nylons, permed wig, and press-on nails, Salazar has become Sister Enid Christensen, the quintessential Mormon housewife. Elaborating on the spiritual aspects of Jell-O sculpting, Salazar hints that his new cookbook published by Signature Books is a tongue-in-cheek parody of life in Utah. He is quick to brag that he knows hundreds of ways to prepare Jell-o, zucchini, and spam "three prerequisites to any successful suburban Utah meal." "I'm so proud to come from the Jell-O Belt," jokes Salazar, "which you may know stretches all the way from Burley, Idaho to Snowflake, Arizona. West Valley City (a suburb of Salt Lake City) is, of course, the Jell-O capital of the world!" Sister Christensen considers her recipes the height of haute cuisine. "These days people are tired of steak and potatoes," she says. "they crave more sophisticated dishes like casseroles." She breaks into a husky, contra-alto rendition of "Casserole-serole" to the tune of "Que Sera, Sera." "It's time for Martha Stewart to move over," laughs this self- proclaimed 'post-feminist icon,' "because people like me are coming out of the kitchen. It's the nineties, after all." No Man Knows My Pastries, with over 100 recipes and 50 photographs, bridges the gap between easy and edible, fast and fashionable. "It liberates housewives and house-husbands from kitchen drudgery, allowing them to focus on basic family values like sitting around the T.V." She adds, "Fast foods are glorious technological advances brought forth to assist in spreading the good word from the good book. Cooking from scratch leaves little time for church and family." "At first I was reluctant to share my special recipes," Sister Christensen explains. "It was not until God told me I was hiding my light under a bushel, and my dear friend Roger promised me advanced royalties, that I agreed to part with my sweet family's favorite recipes." Sister Christensen's creations include such mouthwatering temptations as "Sweet and Sour Spam," "Fig and Orange Jell-O Mold," "Sausage Souffle," "Tomato Soup Cake," "Processed Cheese Dip," "Bologna Angel Wings" (for the holidays), "Lumpy Dick" (a dumpling delicacy), and "Irish Postum" (Mormons don't drink coffee). "There may actually be some recipes in this book that can be used to make something edible," says Salt Lake Tribune's book reviewer Paul Swenson, "but mostly it should be kept out of the kitchen. You need a room with plenty of space to lie down and roll around in spasms of hilarity, away from hot surfaces and sharp objects." --Associated Press

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Book Description Paperback. Book Condition: New. Paperback. "A Marvelous Work with Wonder Bread, " "Jesus-Fed-the-Multitudes Tuna Helper, " and "I Knead Thee Every Hour Rolls" are among the heirloom recipes shared by S.Shipping may be from multiple locations in the US or from the UK, depending on stock availability. 127 pages. 0.204. Bookseller Inventory # 9781560850281

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