The Intuitive Parent: Why the Best Thing for Your Child Is You

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9781591846130: The Intuitive Parent: Why the Best Thing for Your Child Is You

You already have everything you need to raise a healthy, happy, intelligent child

Parenting today is practically a competitive sport, and marketers are all too happy to cash in. Scare tactics and scientific-sounding jargon make it seem like parents are in constant danger of hard-wiring their children’s brains for failure.

In fact, this state of parental anxiety is totally unnecessary—and possibly bad for our children. Babies are born with an appetite to learn. Children are naturally curious about the world and eager to explore it. They don’t need flashcards, educational videos, or the latest iPad app to help speed their development. Attempts to get children speaking and reading before they’re developmentally ready may even harm them in the long run.

In The Intuitive Parent, Vanderbilt University child development specialist Dr. Stephen Camarata debunks the claims many of these “brain development” programs make. Using accessible, down-to-earth language he explains how parents can intuitively support their child’s brain development by simply paying attention. Babies and children develop at their own pace; what’s more, they are hardwired to signal to caregivers when they’re ready for the next step. Restrictive tools like flashcards may derail your child’s ability to learn holistically—and will definitely sap the joy from one of the most important jobs in the world: being a parent.

The key is to recognize the “ready to learn” cues your child is giving you and respond in a way that comes naturally. Routine activities, such as playing peekaboo, reading books to a toddler, talking, singing, feeding, and otherwise meeting the everyday needs of a child, are the true magic that ultimately wires a child’s brain and helps children become an intelligent, confident, curious, and talented adults.

Grounded in the latest science by a nationally recognized child development expert, The Intuitive Parent arms parents and caregivers with the confidence and knowledge they need to quit worrying and enjoy the time they have with their child—no fancy gadgets or pricey videos necessary.

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About the Author:

STEPHEN M. CAMARATA, PhD has raised seven children and is a professor in the department of psychiatry and a professor of hearing and speech sciences at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine. He is also an associate professor of special education at Peabody College at Vanderbilt and the author of Late-Talking Children. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee.

Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

contents

introduction

What Is Intuitive Parenting?

During more than twenty-five years as a researcher studying child development at Vanderbilt University, and as a practicing clinician working with ASD, Down syndrome, and other developmental conditions, I have never met a parent who did not want to give his or her child the best possible start in life, or to raise that child to become a healthy, happy, successful, independent adult. But over the last decade, I have noticed a marked increase in the anxiety—and guilt—parents feel about how exactly to go about it. The glut of information, accurate and inaccurate; an ever more competitive, global economy; and the burgeoning market of books, shows, products, programs, “experts,” apps, and devices marketed as essential aids in raising the smartest, healthiest, best baby ever have many parents feeling either overwhelmed, insecure, or intensely driven to succeed at this most important job.

Recently, the Guardian newspaper in London publicly wondered why modern parents are so anxious about raising their children—especially at a time when the likelihood of a child dying young is at an all-time low:1 “Why is it that at the very time in western history when humans have finally been freed from the probability that our children will die young, that anxiety about children has become [so] rampant?”2 Best-selling author Jennifer Senior talks about how children radically alter their parents’ lives in the book All Joy and No Fun, and discusses the never-ending anxiety parents have about raising their children, from the moment of birth through high school. In my own work as a child development specialist, I have talked with hundreds and hundreds of parents and most seem worried—if not downright petrified—by the short- and long-term consequences of their everyday parenting choices. One mother recently told me that if her son didn’t learn to read by the time he reached his third birthday, he wouldn’t be admitted to the competitive preschool they were applying for. This in turn would mean that he wouldn’t be selected for an academic magnet grade school. The poor little fellow was only eighteen months old at the time! A father insisted that his toddler shouldn’t waste time playing with blocks because it was crucial that her developing brain be “wired” to learn vocabulary—while insisting that his wife pound flash cards rather than play with their daughter because it was vital that they take advantage of a “critical period” for “neural plasticity” as soon as possible. This couple believed that they had only another year or two to get their daughter’s brain properly constructed for lifelong learning. If they didn’t, they mistakenly believed the opportunity would be lost forever and she would be doomed to a life of intellectual mediocrity. This kind of anxiety is a major obstacle to living in the moment with your baby or child and creates pressure to accelerate development and micromanage learning in a way that actually derails healthy intellectual and emotional growth and undermines a child’s self-confidence.

I feel for these caring, conscientious, concerned parents. The world can be a difficult place to navigate these days; they want to give their children every possible advantage, and a vast industry leverages their fears, hopes, and love for their child in order to “get eyeballs” or simply to sell them unnecessary stuff. But what the information glut and relentless marketing obscures is this: Focusing on—and unleashing—your natural personal parental intuition is exactly what it takes to raise intelligent, confident, curious, and talented children who will develop into equally talented adults. A surprisingly large body of scientific literature supports this conclusion; and I can vouch for it personally, having raised seven children—three daughters and four sons—in light of its principles. But too many parents these days have lost confidence in themselves and in the genius of Mother Nature.

That’s why I wrote this book: to show parents that they are already equipped with all the “state-of-the-art” know-how necessary to “wire” their child’s brain and instill in him or her a love of discovery and of learning that will last a lifetime; and that they can best prepare their child to thrive in school and in adult life through a natural process I call intuitive parenting.

What is intuitive parenting? Simply stated, intuitive parenting emphasizes focusing on your child, enjoying the moment, and reacting naturally to whatever the baby is doing. It’s a style of parenting that allows you to concentrate on being a learning partner rather than a taskmaster or über-teacher, and helps you resist the panic that comes with thinking that there are other things or more things you should be teaching your child at a given moment. It is a way of parenting that supports clearing your mind of all the noise, worry, guilt, and anxiety that are part and parcel of parenting in the modern world and living in the moment with your baby and, later, with your toddler and young child. It even works great with teenagers!

By reacting—and acting—intuitively, you will actually become the very best teacher (and parent) your child could possibly have. As your child grows from baby to toddler and then preschooler, he or she will be naturally and continually signaling you as to what they currently know, what they need to learn next, and precisely the right input needed from you for them to learn and to wire their brain. An intuitive parent’s main job is to pay attention to your child and then respond normally. And fortunately, this intuitive parenting is seamlessly integrated into the daily caregiving that babies and young children require. Feeding, diaper changing, bedtimes, wake-up routines, bath time, and quiet moments together all yield extremely powerful learning opportunities for your child’s developing—and plastic—brain. Whenever you are engaging in any of these everyday tasks and following your baby’s developmental lead, you’re doing the right thing for your baby’s brain.

By giving parents a greater awareness of their intuitive parenting powers, I hope to inoculate them against feelings of inadequacy preyed upon by self-styled experts and manufacturers of educational products claiming to accelerate “brain development.” In addition, I hope that the information herein helps reduce the overwhelming stress parents feel raising a child in what has become a highly competitive and peer-pressure-driven culture. That stress not only produces undesired outcomes in child rearing but it also all too often robs parents, especially mothers, of the natural enjoyment of interacting with their infants, toddlers, and preschoolers.

One of the most striking things about children—and human beings generally—is just how variable we are in personality, temperament, and learning style. How can any book on parenting possibly provide accurate and relevant advice for all parents and all their children? Even a cursory survey of current how-to books on parenting illustrates this problem. There are books that advocate “laissez-faire” parenting wherein children are essentially allowed to roam free in the belief—and hope—that nature will automatically teach them what they need to learn. At the other extreme are books that exhort parents essentially to micromanage their children beyond what even the most exuberant “helicopter mom” could possibly imagine. The truth is that there is no one-size-fits-all parenting approach just as there is no one-size-fits-all child.

But wait a minute! Isn’t this book advocating a particular parenting style? Actually, intuitive parenting is not a one-size-fits-all or one-dimensional approach. The fundamental principles—paying attention to your child and responding intuitively and naturally—can and should be done within the context of an individual child’s traits and any parent’s normal way of responding. Indeed, the foundational basis for intuitive parenting—following your child’s lead and responding to him or her—automatically coordinates their temperament, current knowledge level, and stage of brain development with your individual parenting style. You can find your child’s—and your very own—learning “sweet spot.” Free-range parents, “tiger mothers,” and everyone in between can readily implement the basic principles of intuitive parenting within the rubric of their own personal parenting style and comfort level.

Every parent who has more than one child understands, no, lives the fundamental truth that no two children are alike. In my own personal experience raising seven children, some were cautious, others were daring. Some were introspective, others were outgoing and gregarious. Although all had—and still have—a love of learning and an ample supply of curiosity, the way that each one learned and their individual patterns of strengths and weaknesses were—and still are—strikingly different. Another universal appears to be that each has a strong, positive self-image, a well-developed sense of humor, and a high degree of confidence in their abilities. No doubt these positive traits were inherited directly from their mother, who needed an ample supply of both to raise them and to be married to me!

Some of our children preferred a relatively high degree of independence and wanted to learn things on their own. Others seemed to prefer learning in groups and enjoyed receiving relatively frequent feedback. Some were self-starters, others benefited from having us provide incentives and supervision as a way of supporting their development and learning. All had vivid imaginations growing up, but some were more imaginative than others. In short, our parenting required not only the inevitable adjustments that every child requires as he or she grows up, but sensitivity to each of our children’s individual temperaments, learning styles, and needs.

To be sure, there are certain common elements in parenting, especially intuitive parenting, that benefit all children regardless of their individual traits. Independence, resilience, creativity, confidence, and thinking ability should be nurtured in all children. But how these are nurtured can vary greatly, depending on the individual child. And these common elements can be readily adapted to your own, individual parenting style and comfort level. A “tiger mother”3 could never be a “free-range”4 mother, and vice versa. Yet, in the end, both want the same things for their children, and each is trying to foster the foundational traits described above. Given all this variability in children—and their parents—which parenting elements could possibly be readily adopted by all? More important, which of these elements would nurture their children, facilitate brain development, and harness brain plasticity while also meeting their individual child’s needs—and also readily be incorporated into their own parenting style?

The breathtaking diversity in human abilities and capabilities is a direct reflection of the flexibility and resilience of the human brain. Like snowflakes, no two human brains are wired precisely alike.5 But the good news is that this remarkable organ comes well prepared to efficiently develop in a wide variety of environments offering a myriad of learning opportunities.

Parents: Take a breath, slow down, and experience the sheer joy—and fun—that infants, toddlers, and preschoolers bring to the learning experience. In doing so you will lay the foundation for the school years, adolescence, and beyond. Your precious baby will learn what you teach, and so much more, if he or she is simply given the opportunity. And you will be forming a lifelong positive relationship with your child. As a parent, your challenge is to filter out the nonsense and concentrate on responding naturally, confidently, lovingly, and intuitively to your baby’s needs. Trust Mother Nature—and trust your own intuition. Your parenting mantra will be to do what comes naturally and focus on nurturing and enhancing your child’s natural curiosity and problem-solving abilities.

HERE ARE THE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE PARENTING:


   · An intuitive parent is devoted to raising a confident, smart, emotionally healthy child.
   · An intuitive parent knows that all children are inherently curious—and can become highly intelligent—and that their goal as parents is to nurture and encourage these traits.
   · An intuitive parent is positive, confident, and in tune with his or her own inner “parenting voice.”
   · An intuitive parent knows there is no one-size-fits-all parenting or teaching style. Even children within the same family have different temperaments and needs; an intuitive parent can stick to his or her values but also provide individualized responses to a child.
   · Intuitive parents are patient, knowing that they have eighteen years—or more—to guide their child’s development and can therefore resist the anxiety and pressure to rush development or cram “knowledge” into their child’s head before the child is ready.
   · An intuitive parent knows that he or she is laying the foundation for an adult brain and resists “get-rich-quick” schemes that shortchange them—and their child. Their child’s brain becomes wired to reason and problem-solve, traits that can be adapted to whatever knowledge and challenges the future holds.
   · An intuitive parent is a guide—but also a partner in his or her child’s development.
   · Intuitive parents teach in response to their child’s interests and initiations and nurture their child’s own innate curiosity and love of learning.
   · An intuitive parent knows that a developing child—and their brain—needs to try, and to make mistakes, in order to learn.
   · An intuitive parent understands that he or she must foster a child’s sense of self by helping them discover how to regulate their emotions and how to overcome adversity.
   · An intuitive parent enjoys and takes pride in his or her child and maintains positive and optimistic interactions with that child regardless of temperament or learning style. Girls and boys learn early on that their parents are interested and engaged mothers and fathers who will help them when they need help, but that they are also empowered—and expected—to seek knowledge and solutions to their problems on their own.

You already have everything you need to properly raise and teach your child and ensure optimal development of his or her neural architecture for lifelong learning: love and affection, common sense, and a positive outlook. Everything else will arise naturally in the process of caring for, nurturing, and naturally interacting with your baby—and your growing child. No special tools or software or apps are required.

Now let me show you why and how intuitive parenting works.

chapter 1

Mother Nature’s Instruction Manual

Whenever you purchase a complex product such as an automobile or a computer, it comes with an instruction manual tha...

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Book Description Current Hardcover. Hardcover. Book Condition: New. Hardcover. 288 pages. Dimensions: 9.0in. x 6.0in. x 6.0in.The scientific case for parents to put down the flashcards and follow their instinct Parents are constantly overwhelmed with advice on how to raise smarter babies. All too often, fear is used to promote a particular cause (such as the vaccine-autism scare) or to market worthless products (such as Baby Einstein videos) that promise to make a child smarter or speed up development. Now Stephen Camarata proves that educational fads and public health scares arent just stressfulthey prevent parents from doing the things that would actually protect their child and promote learning and healthy brain development. Camarata draws on research, case studies, and experiences with his own patients to argue for a return to instinct-driven parenting. Developmental milestones are misleading, and earlier is not necessarily better. He shows why the best things parents can do are almost always low-cost, routine activities such as playing peek-a-boo, reading books aloud, and simply paying attention to their child and responding naturally. This is the true magic that ultimately leads to intelligent, confident, curious adults. This book will empower parents to recognize irrational fears and incredible claims that increase worry, steal their cash, and diminish their enjoyment of parenting. This item ships from multiple locations. Your book may arrive from Roseburg,OR, La Vergne,TN. Hardcover. Bookseller Inventory # 9781591846130

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