The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

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9781611746457: The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out,” but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger—a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.  Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

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From the Inside Flap:

"The most important issue in a gay man's life is not 'coming out,' but coming to terms with the invalidating past where we learned that we are shameful...."

The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the past century, our intimate relationships are generally short-lived compared to straight relationships, sexually transmitted diseases among us are at epidemic proportions, and depression and suicide occur far more frequently than among straight men.

Even though an entire generation of us has openly and freely come out of the closet, we still find ourselves asking, "Are we really better off?" Through bravely honest individual stories and compassionate analysis, The Velvet Rage explores how our contentment has been destroyed by lingering, deep-rooted shame-a shame that can be traced to our childhood experiences of feeling "other" and perhaps emotionally abandoned by the first men in our lives, our fathers. Most of us rage quietly against the shame we feel so acutely, masking it behind a faŤade of beauty, creativity, or material success.

It doesn't have to be this way. There is a way out of this emotional bind.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly helpful strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, Velvet Rage is an empowering book you'll wish you read long ago.

It's not too late to begin healing now.

From the Back Cover:

The most important issue in a gay man's life is not "coming out," but coming to terms with the invalidating past where we learned that we are shameful. Only within that awareness can we confront the shame and eliminate its insidious influence over our lives. For certain, the most damaging part of social oppression has never been the act of oppression, but the oppression that we internalize within ourselves.

As a therapist and a gay man, I know that it is utterly life-changing when a man sees the truth about the shame that has driven him and his constant, sometimes frantic efforts to avoid it. This avoidance of shame has shaped our lives, determined our careers, and chosen our lovers. Not until we acknowledge its power over us are we free to choose a different, more fulfilling life. -- From The Velvet Rage

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Book Description Eddison Books Ltd, United Kingdom, 2012. CD-Audio. Book Condition: New. 2nd ; 7.25 Hours ed.. Language: English . Brand New. The most important issue in a gay man s life is not coming out, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, Are we better off? The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger--a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man. Bookseller Inventory # AAC9781611746457

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Book Description Eddison Books Ltd, United Kingdom, 2012. CD-Audio. Book Condition: New. 2nd ; 7.25 Hours ed.. Language: English . Brand New. The most important issue in a gay man s life is not coming out, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, Are we better off? The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger--a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man. Bookseller Inventory # AAC9781611746457

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Book Description Compact Disc. Book Condition: New. 2nd. Compact Disc. The historic, groundbreaking examination of the psychology of homosexuality: why it has lead many men to feel ashamed of their own identity and how to overcome that sense of shame.Shipping may be from multiple locations in the US or from the UK, depending on stock availability. 435 pages. 0.180. Bookseller Inventory # 9781611746457

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Book Description Highbridge Company. No binding. Book Condition: New. Audio CD. 435 pages. Dimensions: 5.8in. x 5.1in. x 0.6in.The most important issue in a gay mans life is not coming out, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, Are we better off The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and angera toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the authors own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man. This item ships from multiple locations. Your book may arrive from Roseburg,OR, La Vergne,TN. Audio CD. Bookseller Inventory # 9781611746457

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Book Description Tantor Media, Inc. 2012-06-12, Old Saybrook, 2012. audio CD. Book Condition: New. Bookseller Inventory # 9781611746457

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Book Description HighBridge Audio, 2012. Audio CD. Book Condition: New. book. Bookseller Inventory # M1611746450

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Book Description Highbridge Co, 2012. Audio CD. Book Condition: Brand New. unabridged; 7.25 hours edition. 435 pages. 5.87x5.06x0.56 inches. In Stock. Bookseller Inventory # x-1611746450

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