Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

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9781620875261: Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

"Leanne Shirtliffe writes with hilarity and poignancy as to the trials and pains (literally) of motherhood. She is our new Erma Bombeck!"
--Elizabeth Boyle, New York Times best-selling author
As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.

In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:

  • The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.
  • The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks.
  • The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie."
  • The horror of glitter.
  • And much more!
A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' college, eh, therapy fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

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About the Author:

Leanne Shirtliffe is an award-winning humor blogger. She writes funny stuff for the Huffington Post and Nickelodeon's NickMom.com. When she's not stopping her twins from licking frozen flagpoles, she teaches English to teenagers who are slightly less hormonal than she is.

Review:

"Leanne Shirtliffe is awesome and so is this book. I'm bad at writing blurbs." -Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess), #1 New York Times bestselling author of Let's Pretend This Never Happened

"Toddler diarrhea and newborn vomit isn't all that entertaining, but somehow when Leanne Shirtliffe writes about it, it's laugh-out-loud funny. I swear, she's living in my house and taking notes. Actually, I wish she were--we'd have a freaking blast together." -Jill Smokler, New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy

"Leanne Shirtliffe has a sharp eye for the little moments of insanity that make up the modern parenting experience. Also, she's super funny and the chapters are short enough to read in the four minutes you're allowed in the bathroom each day." -Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, bestselling author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour

"When you become a parent, conversations start to sound more like a game of Mad Libs than anything actually sane. In the laugh-out-loud book Don't Lick the Minivan, Leanne Shirtliffe shares the funniest phrases she never thought she'd say. Hands down, the best book with the phrase 'He looks like a human Pez dispenser' I've read all year!" -Kristen Pomranz, Editor, Nickelodeon's NickMom.com

"Leanne Shirtliffe has written a side-splitting and thoughtful take on life with twins. As a humor writer, a parent, and a twin myself, this book had me laughing and thinking, then laughing again, long after I finished it. If you're into public fits of hysterics, try reading this book on a subway or bus, and prepare for strange looks from fellow passengers." -Terry Fallis, author of The Best Laid Plans and winner of both The Stephen Leacock Award for Humour and Canada Reads 2011

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

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Book Description Skyhorse Publishing, United States, 2013. Hardback. Book Condition: New. Language: English . Brand New Book. As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia. In Don t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as: The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan s paint with rocks.The funeral she officiated for Stripper Barbie. The horror of glitter.And much more! A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins therapy fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don t Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper. Bookseller Inventory # AAC9781620875261

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