500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars

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9781629144665: 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars
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Now several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than five hundred first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates.

Among the true dating tales and revelations you will find in this book are:

* How Miller and his date learned the limitations of a man being too emotionally expressive. ("Most guys consider revealing more about themselves emotionally and communicating on a deeper level nearly as enjoyable as falling face-first onto an ice pick--or spending the rest of eternity listening to Celine Dion music.")

* Miller's realization that sometimes men have to pay a heavy price for their dates' previous relationship behavior.("At least six different times, God has matched me up with a woman who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me.")

* Miller's misguided social experiment to separate dating from status by spending less than $20 on the date, purchasing everything at a 99¢ store, and what he learned, as a result, about his date and himself. ("I realize now that on the journey of romance, thrift and creativity will take you only so far - for the rest of the trip, you'll need MasterCard.")

* Revealed for the first time the inner workings of a man's brain.
("Cerebellum. Responsible for coordinating movement and maintaining balance. Used primarily when a man has had eight beers and is endeavoring to make his way to the bathroom without tripping over the dog and pulling the fish tank over on top of them.")

* How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's holiday party only to find his date and his ex-wife bonding like high school girlfriends. ("Pam would take Amy aside and present to her a list of all 273 of my failings, most of which, she confides to Amy, won't become noticeable until month three of Amy's being with me. Amy is stunned; she'd only been aware of 149 of my failings.")

But 500 Dates is about much more than dating. Its humor essays also cover romance, relationships, breakups, attraction, the nature of love, and how both men and women view the art, science, expectations, and reality of courtship and turning courtship into something deeper and longer lasting in the twenty-first century. Throughout these essays, a portion of which were previously published in various media, Miller provides a sense of hope about one's romantic prospects. Readers will find that the end of a marriage, even a long-term one, does not mean the end of romance--or one's sense of humor.

youtube.com/watch?v=rSAOtqT4mS4
Here is a 2-minute promotional video for humorist Mark Miller's "500 Dates: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars", a collection of humor essays about Miller's experiences in the world of dating and romance. Some consider Miller a dating expert, though he's still waiting to hear back from Scarlett Johansson.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

About the Author:

Mark Miller has held positions as a nationally syndicated dating columnist for the Los Angeles Times, a dating blogger for the Huffington Post (along with a wealth of other publications), a TV sit-com staff writer/producer, a stand-up comic in nightclubs and on TV, and a writer for comedians such as Jay Leno, Dana Carvey, Roseanne Barr, and Jim Carrey. He lives in Los Angeles.

Review:

Mark is a very good friend and brilliant writer. He is like a brother to me. At first, I wrote that he is like a sister to me, but he seemed upset by that, so I revised it.”
--Kevin Nealon, Cast member of Saturday Night Live” and Weeds”

Mark and I used to perform our stand-up acts at the same L.A. comedy clubs. He’d always tell me, Michael, one day you'll be starring in a major, respected TV comedy show.’ And I'd always tell him, Mark, one day you'll write a book about 500 women turning you down.’”
--Michael Richards, Cast member (Kramer) of Seinfeld”

"Having known how funny and insightful Mark is since our early days in the San Francisco comedy scene, it brings tremendous joy to my grateful heart that he's finally decided it’s safe to share this hilarious and helpful book with the world at large."
--Kevin Pollak, Comedian, actor, writer

I’ve appeared on hundreds of shows without making it big. Mark has dated hundreds of women without finding his soul mate. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one with elusive dreams. Plus, I laughed a lot while reading his book much like his women must have reacted when he brought up the subject of a second date. Your pain is our entertainment, Mark.”
--Fred Stoller, Actor, comedian, author of Maybe We'll Have You Back: The Life of a Perennial TV Guest Star

This is the book I would have written if I had the stomach to date 500 guys and then reveal all about those experiences. Kudos, Mark, and thanks for saving me the trouble!
-- Annabelle Gurwitch, N.Y. Times best-selling author of I See You Made an Effort: Compliments, Indignities, and Survival Stories from the Edge of 50

500 Dates is a godsend, because now when you get back from your own 500th date, you’ll have something exciting to look forward to. Yes, it's a book and not a human, but it's likely a lot more entertaining and fun to be with than your date was.”
--Lori Gottlieb, N.Y. Times best-selling author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Mark Miller's essays made me jealous that I’m happily married and not dating. Not because I could get laid a lot, but because I’d be writing funny essays like these.”
--Joel Stein, Time Magazine columnist

If there’s only one single book everyone should read about dating, this isn’t it. But this one is laugh out loud funny. I laughed my Yak-off!”
-- Yakov Smirnoff, Comedian and professor of psychology at Missouri State University

Mark Miller was always funny, way back when we were writing for the great Jimmie Walker, and has continued to be. Now in the world on online dating he has done it again! I’m sick of him being the funny one!”
--Louie Anderson, Comedian, actor, author, Family Feud” TV host

I’ve dated hundreds of frogs. And none of them was Mark Miller. He’s not only a Prince but a hilarious one at that. His book is a fun-filled bible of dating disasters, sure to make you laugh.”
--Marilyn Anderson, Dating, Flirting and Kissing Coach on TV's "Extreme Makeover" and author, NEVER KISS A FROG: A Girl's Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp

Any guy who's had 500 dates must know what he's talking about or be in need of serious psychological care. Either way, you’ll enjoy Mark’s very funny and insightful book."
--Robert S. Levinson, Bestselling author of The Evil Deeds We Do, Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers

I use humor to teach you how to speak successfully. Mark uses humor to teach you how to date successfully. Between the two of us, you can have a pretty humorous, romantic, outspoken life!”
--Judy Carter, Motivational humorist, communications expert, bestselling author of The Comedy Bible and The Message of You

As a publicist, I’ve represented hundreds of major celebrities. Mark Miller has dated hundreds of women. Perhaps we should combine our talents and start a dating service for celebrities. Until then, enjoy his very funny book about the highs and lows of romance, specifically his, in the 21st century.”
--Michael Levine, Acclaimed Hollywood publicist, best-selling author, motivational speaker

Bravo, Mark Miller, for not giving up on love. 500 dates later and he still has the cock-eyed optimism of a hormone-infused teenager!”
--Marla Martenson, Professional Matchmaker/Certified Life/Dating Coach, author of Hearts on the Line

Some guys are funny on stage, some are funny on the page. Mark Miller is that rare breed who’s funny on both. Why he’s not making out like a bandit on the dating scene is beyond me but thank God he’s not or we wouldn’t have this very entertaining account of what's going on out there!”
-- Robert Masello, Author of What Do Men Want From Women?, Robert's Rules of Writing, The Romanov Cross, former columnist for Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Elle

I enjoy Mark Miller’s stories about dating so much I hope he never finds love.”
--Sam Greenspan, Author of 11 Points Guide to Hooking Up

Mark Miller’s anything-but-objective look at the dating scene is sweet, funny, and insightful.”
--David Misch, Screenwriter, teacher, and author of Funny: The Book: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Comedy

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

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Book Description Skyhorse Publishing, United States, 2015. Paperback. Condition: New. Language: English . Brand New Book. Now several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than five hundred first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates. Among the true dating tales and revelations you will find in this book are: * How Miller and his date learned the limitations of a man being too emotionally expressive. ( Most guys consider revealing more about themselves emotionally and communicating on a deeper level nearly as enjoyable as falling face-first onto an ice pick--or spending the rest of eternity listening to Celine Dion music. ) * Miller s realization that sometimes men have to pay a heavy price for their dates previous relationship behavior.( At least six different times, God has matched me up with a woman who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me. ) * Miller s misguided social experiment to separate dating from status by spending less than $20 on the date, purchasing everything at a 99 store, and what he learned, as a result, about his date and himself. ( I realize now that on the journey of romance, thrift and creativity will take you only so far - for the rest of the trip, you ll need MasterCard. ) * Revealed for the first time the inner workings of a man s brain. ( Cerebellum. Responsible for coordinating movement and maintaining balance. Used primarily when a man has had eight beers and is endeavoring to make his way to the bathroom without tripping over the dog and pulling the fish tank over on top of them. ) * How Miller took his date to his ex-wife s holiday party only to find his date and his ex-wife bonding like high school girlfriends. ( Pam would take Amy aside and present to her a list of all 273 of my failings, most of which, she confides to Amy, won t become noticeable until month three of Amy s being with me. Amy is stunned; she d only been aware of 149 of my failings. ) But 500 Dates is about much more than dating. Its humor essays also cover romance, relationships, breakups, attraction, the nature of love, and how both men and women view the art, science, expectations, and reality of courtship and turning courtship into something deeper and longer lasting in the twenty-first century. Throughout these essays, a portion of which were previously published in various media, Miller provides a sense of hope about one s romantic prospects. Readers will find that the end of a marriage, even a long-term one, does not mean the end of romance--or one s sense of humor. Seller Inventory # AAC9781629144665

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