A Complete Guide to Effective Excuses - Softcover

Allred, Wayne

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1885027052 ISBN 13: 9781885027054

Publisher: Willow Tree Books, 1996

Synopsis

An outrageous "how to" guide for improving excuse-making skills. Includes dozens of excuses you can use today, written and tested by some of the premier liars in America. People generally don't believe your lame excuses anyway, but they may come down on you easier if you have an entertaining one.

About this title

From the Back Cover

Problems Because of Lame Excuses? Try Some of These:

For not making a commitment: "My spiritualist tells me I was a squirrel in my previous life. And I'm most likely coming back as a chicken."

For having a dirty house: "As a hobby, I am a pest and rodent watcher. I need to attract as many varieties as I can to photograph and catalog them. Look! Over there is a rare roach-rat cross, extremely difficult to breed in captivity."

For forgetting an anniversary: "I was trapped in an elevator for 2 days with a world famous razorback hog hunter named Floyd and his hound dog, Bess, two garlic salesmen and a lawyer."

For having badly behaving kids: "Their biological father was a stunt man."

For not going out with someone: "My brother is coming down with rabies and I need to stay home and make sure he doesn't bite the dog."

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

From the Introduction: You may have noticed that there is no introduction in this book. Of course I have a very good excuse for this and no, the dog didn't eat it. At least, not the version that I was typing because what happened was that when I sat down to write it, I was drinking an Italian soda and while waiting for the computer to boot up, I took a drink. Just at the exact moment when I was raising the glass to my lips, I got a sudden urge to cough. While fighting that urge for a split second, I inhaled and snorked a bunch of Italian soda up the wrong pipe. It wound up in my nose which made me sneeze at the same time I was spilling the rest of the soda all over my keyboard.

After this, not only was typing very slow since it takes considerably more time to lift fingers off from sticky keyboards than non-sticky ones, but in my effort to hurry, while using all of the strength in my fingers, I lost my balance. This caused me to fall off from my chair and while falling to the floor, my head must have hit the corner of the table which also could explain why I have such large bags under my eyes, a tendency to misuse big words and insomnia. In any case, I was unconscious until it was too late for me to submit the introduction to the publisher. And so, thinking that I must have gone off to Canada on vacation having forgotten to write the introduction, my editor inserted some lame biographical information in its place, which I replaced with this.

Thank you.

About this edition

• Publisher: Willow Tree Books
• Publication date: 1996
• ISBN 10: 1885027052
• ISBN 13: 9781885027054
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 116
• Illustrator: Mecham David