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Synopsis: Zombies hate clowns. They also hate hippies, not to mention zip-lines, penguins, moon penguins, nudists, weddings, sharing, and kittens. They really hate unicorns, and strangely don't mind Canadians. Each ghoulishly colorful painting reveals a funny and unexpected scene of zombie disgruntlement, cataloging the stuff that really riles up the walking dead (astronauts, rain, bagpipes, re-gifting, and more) with wit, humor, and, of course, brains. Zombies Hate Stuff offers an unexpected and irresistible perspective on the zombie apocalypse and the pop culture phenomenon that will not die.
From the Author:
Hello. I am the guy who wrote and illustrated Zombies Hate Stuff. And when I say "wrote," I mean that I avoided using any actual sentences and stretched 80 individual words into a 64 page book. Perhaps it is also worth mentioning that my editor thought of four of those words. So, let's do the math: Between 2008 and 2011, I wrote 76 words. The chances of my winning a Pulitzer Prize this year are fairly slim.
On the bright side, I also painted 56 watercolor illustrations to accompany the text, and since a picture is worth, like, six BILLION words, you are probably now regretting the fact that you inwardly mocked my intellectual capacity while reading the preceding paragraph.
By now you are surely asking, "Greg Stones, how do you know so much about zombies? How do you know what they hate? And why do you smell of urine?"
First of all, leave my bed-wetting out of this. Secondly, I have no idea what zombies actually hate, partially because they don't exist, but mostly because research makes me sleepy.
My history with the undead boils down to this: I saw Night of the Living Dead for the first time in 2004 and thought it was really cool, so I started adding zombies to my paintings. Not gross, rotting ghouls like you see these days, but classy zombies who understand the importance of a good suit and tie. (The small amount of research that I did do showed that nine out of ten victims prefer being eaten by a professional living corpse who looks the part, versus some slacker zombie who thinks that it is actually okay to wear pajama pants in public.) Getting back to my incredibly enthralling artistic evolution: first I painted lone zombies wandering through pretty landscapes, then I unleashed the walking dead on a series of unsuspecting penguins, and finally I turned the ghouls against the entire world in a series of pieces entitled "Zombies Hate..." whatever. Eventually it occurred to me to organize all these random zombie hatreds into a book.
More imagined questions from my audience:
Will this book help us survive a zombie apocalypse?
Yes, obviously. If you know that zombies hate clowns, you will not become a clown, with the added bonus that there will be one less clown in the world. Based on this fact alone, Zombies Hate Stuff benefits the entire planet.
Should this book become a huge success, how soon will you begin to display diva-like behavior?
And so concludes my first stab at writing about myself on an Amazon product description. Either my editor at Chronicle will read this and think "Wow! What a writer! Let's have him create ten more books for us!" or "Wow...I can't believe we published one of his books..."
Let's keep our fingers crossed, because a book about a bed-wetting zombie clown who hates penguins sounds like publishing gold to me.
Thank you for your time.
Title: Zombies Hate Stuff
Publisher: Chronicle Books (March 21, 2012)
Book Description Chronicle Books, 2012. Hardcover. Condition: Used; Very Good. Dispatched, from the UK, within 48 hours of ordering. Though second-hand, the book is still in very good shape. Minimal signs of usage may include very minor creasing on the cover or on the spine. Seller Inventory # CHL2053310
Book Description Chronicle Books, 2012. Hardcover. Condition: Good. All orders are dispatched the following working day from our UK warehouse. Established in 2004, we have over 500,000 books in stock. No quibble refund if not completely satisfied. Seller Inventory # mon0002735175
Book Description Chronicle Books. Hardcover. Condition: Fine. 1452107408 Books shipped daily. Professional seller. Seller Inventory # Z1452107408Z1
Book Description Chronicle Books. Hardcover. Condition: Very Good. 1452107408 Books shipped daily. Professional seller. Seller Inventory # Z1452107408Z2
Book Description Chronicle Books, 2012. Hardcover. Condition: Fine. Daily dispatch from the UK. Seller Inventory # mon0000022777
Book Description -. Hardcover. Condition: Very Good. Zombies Hate Stuff This book is in very good condition and will be shipped within 24 hours of ordering. The cover may have some limited signs of wear but the pages are clean, intact and the spine remains undamaged. This book has clearly been well maintained and looked after thus far. Money back guarantee if you are not satisfied. See all our books here, order more than 1 book and get discounted shipping. Seller Inventory # 7719-9781452107400
Book Description Chronicle Books, 2012. Hardcover. Condition: Very Good. Dispatched daily from the UK. Seller Inventory # mon0000297552
Book Description Chronicle Books. Hardcover. Condition: Good. 1452107408 Item in good condition. Textbooks may not include supplemental items i.e. CDs, access codes etc. Seller Inventory # Z1452107408Z3
Book Description Chronicle Books. Hardcover. Condition: Very Good. 1452107408 Item in very good condition! Textbooks may not include supplemental items i.e. CDs, access codes etc. Seller Inventory # Z1452107408Z2
Book Description Chronicle Books. Hardcover. Condition: GOOD. Spine creases, wear to binding and pages from reading. May contain limited notes, underlining or highlighting that does affect the text. Possible ex library copy, thatâ€™ll have the markings and stickers associated from the library. Accessories such as CD, codes, toys, may not be included. Seller Inventory # 2808726817