Behind the Counselor's Door: Teenagers' True Confessions, Trials, and Triumphs - Softcover

Kuczynski, Kevin

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9780757318412: Behind the Counselor's Door: Teenagers' True Confessions, Trials, and Triumphs

Softcover

ISBN 10: 075731841X ISBN 13: 9780757318412

Publisher: Hci, 2015

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Enter the office of Kevin Kuczynski, licensed high school counselor...

A lot of things go on behind Mr. Kuczynski's closed doors ... shouting, crying, talking, finger-pointing, and yes, the slamming of doors. Students, families, teachers, friends, enemies―they all contribute to the often complicated and heart-wrenching drama that plays out in hearts and minds behind those closed doors. Sometimes the stories turn out poorly, but sometimes they end in unimaginable joy.

Kuczynski's goal in writing this book is not to create a 'reality show in a book,' but to use the stories of turmoil and struggle that have unfolded before him as a teaching opportunity. It is to engage teenagers mentally and emotionally so that they develop better choice-making skills and cultivate their ability to succeed despite seemingly unsurmountable obstacles and challenges. In Behind the Counselor's Door, counselor Kuczynski opens the doors to his office just enough for us to peer into the cauldron of emotional turmoil within and experience some of the emotional events of his many years of high school counseling: home and family chaos, the regret of a one-night-stand, the mind-erasing effects of partying too hard, an unexpected pregnancy prior to graduation, and the crushing impact of drugs and alcohol. And, of course, there are still the suicides, the abuses, peer pressure and more to confront. Yet, this is not a book about just the dark side of life and it's not about making lemonade out of lemons, either. It's about finding the seeds, planting a tree and making lemonade for the rest of life.

Teenagers will empathize with the trials and tribulations in the students' stories, but behind those closed doors are also ingredients for making life a success: perseverance, achievement, inspiration, accomplishment, affirmation, self-confidence, and so much more. When teenagers take the journey with Mr. Kuczynski, don't be surprised when they come back people of character and conviction, ready to climb mountains and achieve greatness.

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About the Author:

Kevin Kuczynski, MA, LLPC, LSC, BCPC, is a high school guidance counselor in Warren, Michigan, providing responsive services including counseling, consultation, referral, and peer mediation. He also helps students establish personal goals and develop future plans including college and career planning. He brings a wealth of private practice experience, where he specialized in adolescent, family, and marital therapy. He received his bachelor's degree from Cedarville University and his master's degree from Liberty University. He has been involved with various professional organizations over the years including the Macomb County Counseling Association. He is a current member of the American Psychotherapy Association, the American School Counseling Association and currently serves on the advisory board for a large private counseling center in Southeast Michigan. He has published in the Student Assistance Journal as well as other resources.

Introduction

If the walls of my office could talk they would have much to say. In my years of school counseling, I have had more than 25,000 interactions with teenagers, in various roles. But what I enjoy most is working with students individually behind the closed door of my office. My office walls have witnessed dramas both big and small, filled with joy and sorrow, and all-encompassing to the students they've affected. There have been arguments, some between parents and their children, others between students who were so-called 'best friends' and had a falling out. Many of these started calmly but nearly ended in fist fights.

I've helped students cope with a friend's suicide, the loss of a family member, a parent's job loss, a divorce, and―more commonly as the economy weakened―the loss of a home due to foreclosure.

I've had students who had a sexual encounter they regret, or were in an abusive relationship where they felt trapped and couldn't find a way to escape. I have had pregnant seniors on the verge of graduation, and pregnant ninth-graders. There were others who partied too hard on the weekend and didn't remember what took place, and those with full-blown substance abuse addiction. I've seen students struggling with self-mutilation and eating disorders. I've made numerous referrals to child protective services, provided food resources for students who had none, and even had students leave school because they got married over the summer.

I've also witnessed the joy of those who celebrate that they are graduating and the sadness of those who have finally come to terms with the fact that they cannot walk with their class because of failed courses. There have been tears of happiness, joy, and laughter as students realize how far they have come in four years.

Of the thousands of students I've worked with over the years, many faced problems or personal issues. Sometimes, a school-related concern is actually a home issue or family problem. In spite of the poor choices made by many students I've worked with, I have also had the privilege and honor of working with numerous exceptional teenagers who chose the right path. Some students rise to the top because they are just good kids with great parents and a strong and supportive family unit, while others have had to overcome extreme family and personal issues to become success stories that inspire us all. Teenagers who achieve greatness are not swallowed up by their trials and tribulations. They choose to overcome adversity. They want better for themselves. They flourish instead of flounder; excel instead of crumble. They achieve success by firmly committing to a goal and renewing their desire each day to work and attain it. This success could be with family or friends, in education and career, or any other goal set by someone who works hard to achieve it.

It's a privilege to learn from these students and an honor to impart guidance to them. After talking with many of these teenagers over the years, I wanted to examine what made them so amazing, and why they have such a strong desire to excel, never being content to settle for mediocre results in life.

What makes these kids yearn for success when others are apathetic? The level of resiliency varies from person to person, but what I find in speaking with these students is that they make a choice to achieve greatness, to be successful. Like them, you must want something better for your life, and then work hard to achieve it while not making excuses for a lack of success.

Your choices determine the path you take in life. You either make choices that lead you down a path of disappointment and setback, or one toward excellence and prominence. Obstacles and hardships that arise may be out of your control. But you can control how you respond to them.

The stories and lessons in this book are the result of numerous sessions with students and their families: their pain, anger, and tears, as well as their successes, triumphs, and victories. Some students came from strong and united families while others lacked any consistent parental involvement. The sum of these interactions has given me perspective to help teenagers work through their heartache, and I hope it can help you, too.

Society tells us not to feel because if one does not feel one cannot be hurt. In my opinion this could not be more wrong. My students have been willing to open wounds and share their feelings and heartaches. This has allowed me to help them cope, through anger and often tears, as they process much of the baggage they carry. I am a better counselor, coworker, friend, husband, and father because my students have been so gracious over the years to trust, confide, and share with me some of the deepest darkest hurts―and joys―in their lives. I have truly been honored by those who have opened their hearts and lives to me. I am humbled by the genuine willingness of my students to let me help them by working through the struggles in their life, and guiding them on their journey.

If these office walls could talk they would offer insight, direction, and purpose. The students who came to my office were often at a crossroads. Some students desired to achieve greatness, while others floundered due to apathy and a lack of desire for personal excellence. For some, the choice was their own; for others, an extenuating circumstance led them down a path that was not their choosing; for still others, their lack of maturity, experience, and coping skills made them give up.

Some students may never visit their school counselor; others might not even have a trained school counselor. Even if you never set foot in a counselor's office, my desire is to open the door to show you what takes place, and to communicate the lessons learned from my students to encourage you to be personally responsible for your level of success in life, and to achieve it no matter what circumstances may impede you on your journey from adolescence to adulthood.

While the experiences in this book are from my students, the issues and the lessons are universal and timeless. The book is in three parts: School, Life, and Tips to Succeed. It covers virtually everything high school students may face, from considering community service, to grief and loss, dating and sex, friendships, college and career planning, and so much more. I write about my students' experiences to inspire you to:

Always strive to do the right thing even when it's not easy;

Take each moment as exactly that;

Make choices that allow you to live with passion and purpose instead of missteps and regrets.

I am hopeful that you will see the value in having a strong work ethic, a passion to succeed, and an awareness of the world around you. These characteristics will serve you well throughout life, and can lead you to excel in school, relationships, and a career. I don't claim to know it all or have all of the answers, but―through the lives of thousands of students―I have witnessed teenagers making choices and later dealing with the consequences of those choices for the rest of their lives.

The journeys on these pages both begin and end with choices. What I have found is that if you want your life to be a success, you must have purpose, values, and morals to help shape the choices you make. It becomes very difficult to make positive choices that propel you forward for the good of yourself and those around you if you don't have strong moral standards guiding those choices. Your morals and values are what keep you accountable when temptation enters your world and encourages you to do otherwise. They become the framework you use to make decisions. Making wise and healthy choices in all areas of your life (academics, relationships, what you watch, what you listen to, how you prioritize your time, etc.) will help you achieve your goals.

This book includes stories about situations that most teenagers can relate to. It is intended to be an opportunity for awareness and a resource to do a self-check of one's motives and ambitions. The pages that follow are an honest (sometimes even blunt) look at how teenagers can take personal responsibility and not just survive high school, but thrive.

My hope is that you will learn from reading about your peers so you can know how to deal with key issues in your lives before they occur, thus helping you make better decisions today to improve your tomorrows. I want to shed some light on adolescent issues that need to be discussed more openly at home. I intend to incorporate my own thoughts and perspectives through the trials, triumphs, and tribulations of my students. The students I write about have since graduated, many of them years ago, but they had an impact on my life and I trust they will leave an imprint on you.

It seems many teenagers wander around just existing instead of living. They appear confused and bewildered, lacking the maturity to remain focused on the task or goal in front of them. They don't seem to have a purpose. Lacking any concrete direction, some young people simply live for the moment regardless of the ramifications or consequences. Empowering these teenagers to challenge and ultimately change this thinking is something that I strive for every day as a high school counselor.

I am here, the lights are on, and the first student has just arrived and sat down. Please come in as we step into the office of a high school counselor and go behind closed doors. . . .

�2015 Kevin Kuczynski. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Behind the Counselor's Door: Teenagers' True Confessions, Trials, and Triumphs. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.

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