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Manology: Secrets of Your Man's Mind Revealed by Gibson, Tyrese, Rev Run (2014) Paperback - Softcover

 
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About the Author:
Tyrese Gibson, also known simply as "Tyrese," is a dynamic figure in entertainment today who has had huge success as a multi-platinum and Grammy nominated R&B singer, songwriter, actor, bestselling author, and television producer. After the release of several critically acclaimed and award-winning albums, he transitioned into films, including Baby Boy, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Fast Five, and the Transformers trilogy. Gibson also created the bestselling comic book, Mayhem. His most recent music endeavor, Open Invitation, debuted at #1 and included the hit single, "Stay," which remained #1 for 11 consecutive weeks. Gibson's first book, How to Get Out of Your Own Way, instantly became a New York Times bestseller.

Rev Run, a.k.a. Joseph Simmons, is one of the founding members of the pioneering hip-hop group, Run-DMC. His hit MTV show, Run's House, aired for six seasons. Starring alongside his wife Justine and their six children, Run became America’s favorite father and a model of family values, humor, and spirituality. He is the author of Words of Wisdom and the coauthor with his wife of Take Back Your Family. Run’s daily inspirational words of wisdom are followed by nearly 3,000,000 people on Twitter and have established him as a thought leader in the world of social media.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:
Manology INTRODUCTION

TYRESE


As I write this, my daughter Shayla is five years old. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, inquisitive, and vivacious little girl, full of life and love. Without a doubt, she is, and always will be, the love of my life.

When I put her to bed, I have her say the following affirmations with me:

“Who’s the greatest little girl in the whole world?”

“Shayla,” she responds.

“Who can be anything they want to be when they grow up?”

“Shayla.”

“Who loves you unconditionally more than anything in the world?”

“My daddy!”

I have Shayla repeat those words not only because she is beautiful, and she is the greatest (at least in my admittedly biased eyes), and she can be anything she wants to be when she grows up, and I do love her more than anything, but also because I know that if I don’t reenforce those facts in her mind, eventually certain people she meets or certain things that she may be exposed to or experience in the world might trick her into thinking otherwise.

Or more specifically, men will.

I believe that almost all little girls start off believing that they are smart and beautiful and can accomplish anything, but far too many have much of that beauty, confidence, and optimism stolen by some of the men they encounter.

Maybe it’s a daddy who leaves one day and then never comes back. Maybe it’s an uncle or preacher who steals not only their innocence but much, much more. Maybe it’s a teenage lover who whispers sweet nothings in her ear but then steps out behind her back. Maybe later on it’s a boyfriend who’ll never commit, or a husband who does but then still doesn’t want to stay at home.

No matter what the situation, it seems like in a blink a beautiful, confident young girl can be transformed into a self-doubting and despairing woman, not because there is anything inherently wrong with her but because she could never figure out the men in her life.

That’s why this book is about stopping that slide and helping women regain that confidence and positive outlook.

Not because all men are cheaters, manipulators, or pimps. No, as Reverend Run and I hope to show you, there are plenty of good men out there.

Instead, the truth is that no matter what heights your relationships have soared to, or depths they’ve sunk to, there is always more you can learn about the men in your life. Unfortunately, in this society we tend to stunt that growth by not confronting some very basic, and sometimes raw, truths about men and their relationship to women.

As you’ll see, I happen to love confronting truth. When I pray at night, the number one thing I ask to be blessed with is clarity, no matter what it reveals. As was mentioned in the opening prayer, it’s impossible to be stressed or depressed about situations and relationships that you have clarity on. Having grown up around people who hid from the truth and spent their lives confused and unclear, I never want to live like that.

I grew up in the Watts section of Los Angeles, in a house dominated by dysfunction. Where there was no father. Where when a man did show up, violence usually wasn’t far behind. Where addiction, depression, and, sadly, even abuse became the norm. The adults in the house never really confronted or challenged the situation, and as a result, nothing ever really changed. In a house where truths were under the rug, I wanted to take that rug out to the front yard, shake it up and down and beat it with a broom until every one of the nasty, dirty little realities came falling out and scurried away from me.

I’m blessed to have experienced a level of success I never even dreamed of coming up in the ghetto. Two movies I was featured in, Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Fast Five, broke box office records worldwide and collectively went on to gross $1.7 billion. Several years ago I decided I was “done” with the music industry, but at my fans’ urging last year I released an album called Open Invitation-Reloaded, which was number one for two weeks and featured a single, “Stay,” that itself was number one for eleven weeks. Every day I think, “Thank God I listened to my fans!”

I also wrote a New York Times bestselling book called How to Get Out of Your Own Way, and one of the biggest thrills of my life was standing onstage with Oprah Winfrey and Stevie Wonder in Chicago during the taping of Oprah’s final show and having her tell me, “Tyrese, oh my God, I read your book and it was powerful.”

But the only reason that child who never imagined a life beyond the streets was able to make his way to the big screen and stand onstage with Oprah was that I wasn’t afraid to look past my circumstances and address the unfamiliar. I know how hard it can be to change your perspective and attitude. I also know just how rewarding those changes can be when you finally do make them.

In Manology I want to encourage you to look past what you think you know about men and consider some of the insights Reverend Run and I are going to share in this book. It isn’t always easy to share some of the less flattering aspects of your past, but if this book can bring clarity to even one woman, then it will all be not only worthwhile but perhaps even the most important thing I’ve ever done.

I know I can make a difference because men are one subject I happen to be extremely knowledgeable about—specifically, what’s going on in our minds. Having made that journey from the hood to Hollywood, I’ve witnessed the full range of the male spectrum. I’ve seen what men do and think when it seems like they don’t have any future beyond their block, and I’ve seen what they do and think when suddenly there aren’t any barriers between themselves and their fantasies—when the true depths of their desires, for better or worse, are not only tolerated but celebrated.

And those truths that I’m going to share with you will often be raw, and parts may even make you uncomfortable. But that’s how I give it to my friends, and if you’re reading this, then I consider you a friend too.

Each time you start to pick up this book you should hesitate just a little, because what I’m saying is hitting so close to home. If I’m not striking that nerve, then I’m not being a good friend. Because in these pages I’m peeling back all the layers and revealing MY complete truth. Unapologetically.

I’m OK with not everyone appreciating my perspective or my honesty. My goal for this book is to promote a dialogue in which we can really talk about what’s going on with your relationships and expectations. When you’re finished reading, hopefully there will be some fundamental shifts in how you view men.

Instead of basing your life on how you’ve been taught things ought to be, you can make rational, controlled decisions on how we actually ARE. For better or worse.

Obviously every time we say, “Men do this” or “Men think that” there are going to be exceptions to those rules. You don’t need to look any further than Rev and me to see that not all of us are alike.

Also, I need to stress that just because I have insight into the behavior and motivations of men, I am still very much a work in progress as a man myself. I’ll tell you right now that I’m in therapy for some of the things I experienced and witnessed during my childhood, and while I’m making great progress, I don’t consider myself all the way home yet.

I’m honored to be sharing these pages with Rev Run, but I want to stress to you that there’s no “Reverend” before my name. I’m still just plain old Tyrese Gibson, and trust me, Rev and I have very different views and perspectives, not to mention different types of language we use to express our views.

Respectfully agreeing to disagree is one of the foundations of Rev’s and my friendship. In fact, our friendship was actually born out of a disagreement!
THE CONFLICT THAT SPARKED A DIALOGUE


It all started several years ago after I received one of Rev’s “Words of Wisdom” emails: You know! Those inspirational emails you saw him writing while he sat in that bubble bath at the end of every Run’s House.

At that time, my perception of Rev was probably the same as most people’s. I knew that he was one of the greatest rappers of all time and that his group, the legendary RUN DMC, was perhaps the most influential in the history of hip-hop. But I also knew him as the star of Run’s House, as a man who managed to navigate the turbulent seas of celebrity through finding God and then used that faith as a foundation on which to build a beautiful family. Like a lot of men, especially African-American men, I was extremely inspired by what Run had created. When the show finally ended, I was still searching for that inspiration, which is why I ended up subscribing to his “Words of Wisdom” emails.

While I loved receiving those emails, one day I got one that I just couldn’t cosign. I can’t remember exactly how it was worded, but essentially Rev was saying that once you’re married, there’s zero room for infidelity or misbehaving. Not because you don’t want to anger your wife but because you don’t want to anger God.

I respected what he was saying, but I also felt that even after invoking God’s name in their marriage vows, most men will refuse to stay faithful if the sex is bad. Just on impulse, I sent him a short note explaining my views, assuming that would be the end of it. In my mind, there was no way that Run was actually sending these messages out from his own email account. I was content just to float my thought out into the universe and never expected it to go any further than that.

So imagine my surprise when several minutes later I got a reply back saying, “Is this really Tyrese? The singer? If so, call me back at this number. Rev.”

Huh? I was shocked, but I collected myself and called Rev immediately. After a little bit of small talk, we got into it and started arguing about cheating. And arguing. And arguing. We ended up staying on the phone for several hours until we finally decided that we’d just have to “agree to disagree.” But despite our differences, the conversation had been stimulating and inspiring. We could both tell that a great new friendship had emerged.

Some people might call it a mentor/protégé thing or a “bromance,” but we started saying that Rev was my “MAN-tor,” which, as we’ll explain, is a term we coined for a man who teaches another man how to mature and evolve. However you want to label it, it was clear to me after a few more conversations that Rev had quickly emerged as one of the major forces in my life. Any man who not only talks but also “walks” the word of God is my hero.

Soon we began talking almost daily, chopping it up about everything under the sun—the music industry, films, our kids, fame—but particularly relationships, a subject I really respect his opinion on. It’s been said before, but I really felt like Rev was a hip-hop Bill Cosby. So when he talked about what it took to be a man of God and raise a family with respect, spirituality and integrity, I had to listen.

Whenever we spoke, I would try to get his opinion on not only what was holding me back but also what was holding men and women back in general. Because everyone—at least everyone I know—wants something similar to Run’s House in their own lives. Maybe not down to the last detail, but a similar mix of regality and ghetto love.

As Run will share, those conversations were incredibly healthy and motivating for him too. While he’s evolved so much over the years, he still has room to grow and speak. Speaking with me gave him the energy to keep pushing in that direction. When I would press him to go deeper into his truths, it forced him to reexamine his own life.

We started calling this process “iron sharpening iron.” Because just as only iron can sharpen iron, often it takes two intelligent, inquisitive, strong-willed individuals to sharpen each other. If you just sit back and become comfortable with what you’ve got, you’re never going to stay sharp. But if you have someone else who’s always pushing and challenging you, then the growth in your life and career will always be that much greater!

We both live our lives in the spirit of “People who know better should do better.” Our hope is that by learning the inner workings on your man’s mind, you’re going to know what you’re really dealing with in a relationship. And armed with that knowledge, you’re going to do so much better at finding the happiness and fulfillment you deserve in your relationships.

OK, I’ve said my piece. So now I want to let my partner Rev Run have his chance to speak.
REV RUN


Since Tyrese just said that this book should be about raw, honest truth, let me start by sharing some of my own:

I wasn’t a big fan of Ty the first time I met him.

The story (and it’s one that I didn’t even share with Tyrese until we started working on this book) of how our relationship started off on the wrong foot is this:

Back in the early 2000s, RUN DMC agreed to perform at Watts Day, a charity event Tyrese was throwing in his old hood. I didn’t know him personally; we only did it because Jam Master Jay liked Tyrese and wanted to help him out.

When we arrived to perform, Tyrese was nowhere to be found. Still, we took the stage and launched into a set of some of our greatest hits: “Rock Box,” “Sucker MCs,” “Peter Piper,” and “Jam Master Jay.” Songs that never failed to get a crowd hyped.

Just as we launched into “Run’s House,” Tyrese pulled up in a tricked-out truck. He jumped out, and immediately the crowd gravitated to him.

But as soon as “Run’s House” was over, Tyrese gave everyone a wave, hopped back in his truck and drove off. He had listened to all of one of our songs and then broken out. This little punk is going to leave during the middle of a RUN DMC set? I thought to myself. When we’re playing for free at HIS charity event. Oh, hell naw!

From then on, whenever I’d see Tyrese on the TV, or hear one of his songs on the radio, I’d get a little annoyed. “Little Tyson Beckford pretty boy wannabe,” I’d say under my breath. As much as I’d like to think I was above that sort of behavior, the truth is I had let my insecurities get the best of me.

So when he suddenly emailed me out of the blue that morning, I was shocked. But as I reread his message, I could tell he probably didn’t even remember the incident at Watts Day. (Not only did he claim not to remember it when I finally brought it up but he claimed it didn’t even happen. Trust me, it happened.)

Even though he was writing to challenge something I had said, there was a tone of respect in his email. Rather than hold on to an old grudge, I thought to myself, Wow, dude actually reached out to me. Let me hit him back and see what he’s about. And as he just related to you, we immediately launched into a heated debate over what I’d written.

“I can’t believe you want to tell women that cheating is inevitable,” I told him after he explained his position. “You can’t tell a woman that. It’s not right. Man, you just want to run amok on the earth, but still have a woman in some sexy Victoria’s Secret thing waiting to rub your feet when you get home at night. Sorry, it doesn’t work like that. You better go take out the trash and tell your woman you love her on your way out to the garage.”

Though that was just th...

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  • PublisherAtria Books
  • Publication date2014
  • ISBN 10 1451681852
  • ISBN 13 9781451681857
  • BindingPaperback
  • Number of pages304
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