My Crazy Life: How I Survived My Family - Softcover

9781550377323: My Crazy Life: How I Survived My Family

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1550377329 ISBN 13: 9781550377323

Publisher: Annick Press, 2002

There's always the light. It's definitely hard to see when you're going through stuff. I thought I was really alone, but now I've heard so many people talking about all the hard things in their lives, and then they discovered the light. So just keep fighting.
- Samantha

It's difficult to estimate the number of kids who grow up in dysfunctional families, but we can say with certainty that the numbers are not small.

So what is life really like for these kids? What does it mean to grow up in a family where alcoholism plays a role in the family dynamic, where parental separation and all the emotional baggage that accompanies the dissolution of a marriage -- especially where kids are involved -- hangs like a cloud over daily life? What does it feel like when the adult members of a family are too preoccupied or self-absorbed to really act as parents?

In each of these situations, and others, it is usually the teen who has to assume an inordinate amount of responsibility. It means he or she has to grow up very quickly while struggling to maintain stability as forces are pushing in the other direction.

Here are the voices of ten teens who have experienced these situations first-hand. But these are not stories of despair. What you will hear are the authentic voices of youth talking about coping and surviving. One story describes how a teen girl found strength through friendships and by reexamining her sibling relationships. One who was abused by an alcoholic father tells how her commitment to art and the sympathy of a teacher gave value to her life.

These are stories that will resonate with young people. This is a chance for those who struggle in their own dysfunctional settings to realize that they are not alone, that there is hope.

An Afterword by a health professional serves as a helpful reference guide for youth who wish to seek professional help and guidance.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

About the Author:

Allen Flaming worked in an inner-city settlement house and is now employed in the community mental health sector. Kate Scowen has over ten years' experience working with youth in a variety of programs. Each has a wealth of experience working with people in crisis.

Introduction

Families can really make you crazy. Some have troubled people in them or face situations that make life especially difficult for their members. These are the families you will read about in this book. In each of these families there are kids, like you, who are struggling to make sense of the craziness. They have found ways to keep their lives on track despite what is going on around them. Each is dealing with what has happened to them in their own way. Their stories are sometimes frightening or sad, funny or heroic, but above all inspiring. We hope that by reading this book you will better understand your crazy family and learn how you too can survive.

In our work as professionals providing support to youth and families, we have met a lot of young people who faced really difficult times. Once they had a chance to sit down and talk about why they were failing at school, why they got arrested, or why they were hurting themselves, their stories often came around to their families and what was going on at home. We want our families to take care of us, and we expect the adults in our lives to be the sane, stable ones. But adults are people, just older versions of you. Some are messed up, some are ill, and some had equally crazy family lives when they were kids.

When we started this book we had an idea of the kinds of stories we thought we would hear: divorce, addictions, abuse, neglect. What surprised us was the way each kid handled his or her situation differently. Some, like Logan, dealt with their situation by becoming violent, getting into trouble, and using drugs. Some, like Aislin, channeled their anger and hurt in other directions, like art and sports. We have changed their names and the names of the places where they live, work, and go to school to protect their privacy. But their stories are real: What each one said was that getting into trouble made it harder to get through those tough times. They told us that acting out, using drugs, or breaking the law almost always made things worse. Their advice: Even if it seems like the only way to go at the time, try to think about the consequences of what you are doing, for yourself and for others. When you've already been hurt, it doesn't help to punish yourself more by screwing up and getting in trouble. Of course, that's easy to say but hard to do when it's all coming down on you.

We hope that you somehow find this book at a point in your life when you can really use it. You may not totally identify with every story, but probably some of the situations, issues, and responses will ring true for you. If they do, we hope you can find some comfort and inspiration in knowing that other kids have lived through crazy times with their families and so you can too. Maybe these stories can help you to have a better understanding of who you are and give you more confidence to make the changes you need to live a healthier life. Be sure to check out the Afterword on page 123 to find out about places and people who can help you or connect you with services and support.

If you are a relative, friend, or counselor of someone having difficult times at home, we hope that these stories provide you with ideas as to how to help and support them. Remember that they need you to be there, even if sometimes they seem to be doing everything possible to distance themselves from everyone. Maybe you can be that one friend, teacher, or aunt who gives them the strength they need to survive their crazy families.

Allen Flaming and Kate Scowen
Toronto, Canada, November 2001

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.