The Karma Queens' Guide to Relationships: The Truth About Karma in Relationships - Softcover

Harra, Carmen; Harra, Alexandra

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0399173900 ISBN 13: 9780399173905

Publisher: TarcherPerigee, 2015

Synopsis

Licensed clinical psychologist, intuitive counselor, and upcoming Bravo celebrity Carmen Harra shows readers the power of karma!

When it comes to our interactions with family, friends, and the people we live with or work with, the drama can be overwhelming and confusing if we aren’t guided by love—the karmic cure for every hurt, rift, misunderstanding, conflict, and betrayal. In her new book Karma Queen: The Truth About Karma and Relationships, Carmen Harra draws upon her knowledge of psychology and metaphysics, her experience as a therapist and counselor, and her own relationships to help readers untangle the complexities of their relationships and get the most out of them.

This book applies Carmen’s ideas to all types of relationships, because she firmly believes that karma affects every relationship in our lives—including whether we ever meet our soul mate. Rich in practical, solid advice, the book will also feature stories drawn from Carmen's new reality show and from her life.

About this title

About the Author:

Carmen Harra, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and intuitive counselor who, along with her daughter, is one of the "Karma Queens” featured in the reality TV show of the same name. She has helped thousands of people meet their challenges by resolving their karma. She has lived through many changes in her own life—rising out of poverty to become a national celebrity and musical performer in Romania, visiting America for the first time, then becoming an instant wife and mother weeks later, becoming an American citizen, changing careers several times, and eventually becoming a licensed clinical psychologist, therapist, and author. Dr. Harra speaks from experience when she says that there are practical ways to meet the challenges of resolving karma that cause our relationships to become complicated and cause us pain

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

 

On every path of life there can be found traces of karmic footprints.

—DR. CARMEN HARRA AND ALEXANDRA HARRA

CARMEN HARRA, PHD

Virgil

On the day of my father’s funeral, through my tears and broken spirit, I received a message that would forever change my life. I suddenly saw the spirit of my father standing beside his own grave. “Look at the headstone behind mine,” he told me. “On it is the name of your future husband.”

I was single at the time, a celebrated singer in Romania, and utterly devastated by the recent loss of my beloved father, Victor. He had always been kind, loving, and supportive, even when I insisted that I wanted to be a professional singer in the midst of the communist regime (and he was wise enough to give me his blessings on the condition that I get a college degree as a backup). When I saw the name Virgil imprinted into the gravestone behind his, I committed it to memory. I knew I could trust my father’s guidance and the otherworldly advice that came from loved ones who had crossed over and given me signs and insights about my future. I had been told that someday I—a girl who had spent her early childhood in a one-room house without running water, and grown to adulthood in an Eastern Bloc country where freedom was a tantalizing dream—would go to America and be on television. It was crazy to think this could happen—people said that often enough! But I held on to this beautiful dream with fervent tenacity.

Exactly seven days after my father died and three days after I received the message at his gravesite, I was in America with a touring company of performers. It was a trip I had been looking forward to for many months and an utterly bittersweet moment. I was excited to achieve my dream at last, but deeply saddened about having just lost a parent. How I would have loved to share with my father the story of my adventure in New York City, singing at last in front of an American audience! But my father’s presence, it turns out, was far from gone. He was working in mysterious ways from the other side to forever solidify my fate.

After my performance, an extremely handsome man walked up to me and introduced himself as Virgil, the event coordinator. My jaw dropped as he started to talk about his restaurant and wanting to book me to sing there. I had to sit down, afraid that I would keel over. I knew without a doubt that this was the Virgil my father had prophesied. My mind was suddenly flooded with flashbacks: visions of the lives we had spent together in other times and other lands. I saw it all so clearly. Virgil had died in my arms in Israel, hundreds of years ago, in the midst of a civil uprising. Just as in that lifetime, he was destined to die prematurely once more. I knew it from the moment I saw him. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was our karma. And Virgil was my soul mate.

A few days later, Virgil proposed and three weeks later, we were married. How crazy is that? But he and I shared the most loving, enriching relationship for twenty-seven years. Perhaps it never would have happened if it hadn’t been for my father and his timely guidance from the world beyond our own.

Our meeting was karmic, no doubt. We were meant to spend our lives together, and my father on the other side had known this. I felt it when I met Virgil, and he felt it with me. When two people are meant to be together, that sense of instant connection can be incredibly powerful. It’s almost inexplicable. And our destiny codes—determined by numerology—validated what Virgil and I felt with each other.

Over the years, my husband and I met brutal challenges in our relationship, as all couples do. I married a man with two young daughters who almost overnight had to adjust to having a stepmother. Virgil and I went into business together running another restaurant, and anyone who has mixed business and family knows the problems it can cause! But fortunately, our conflicts weren’t serious enough to threaten the relationship, and we worked through them with mutual effort. The two of us were determined to make our marriage happy and create positive karma together. On the day of his death, Virgil’s last words to me were that he would “see me soon.” I can only hope that in my next life on earth, Virgil and I find each other again as twin souls who search for their missing half.

We knew, as too many don’t, that being honest about our failings and balancing our personal needs with the needs of the other was crucial to our success as a couple. We had excellent role models in our families—again, an advantage many aren’t fortunate enough to have. We kept guard against creating bad karma—saying or doing things to each other we would later regret, for instance. We were also careful not to let other people’s karma influence our relationship. Our families were incredibly important to each of us, but their interference was walled off from our private relationship.

Virgil encouraged me to become a counselor, and for many years I have helped people both in my role as a licensed clinical psychologist and as an intuitive counselor. Because of my own experiences and beliefs, I teach my clients not to end difficult relationships or cut off relatives whose behavior irritates or angers them, except as a last resort. I know that karma will compel them to enter new relationships that will display the same problems that were present in the old relationships. Those with whom we create a rift are likely to show up again in this life or the next, or the next, until our shared karma is resolved (and yes, we share karma with others, as you’ll learn). We may escape this life and its circumstances, even shed our bodies as our souls move from life to life, but there is no escaping our karma.

The single greatest positive step you can take toward personal progress is to stop ignoring your karma and start mastering it. Then you can become a karma queen (or king) who no longer lives according to the dictates of karma created long ago.

ALEXANDRA HARRA

My Mother, Queen of What?

Growing up, we all have a little bit of trouble understanding our parents: the weird things they do, like file taxes and argue over the phone about their credit card interest rate. But I had particular trouble understanding what exactly my mother did for a living. All I knew was that she saw clients in her office and they always cried because they suddenly understood the meaning of life or their deceased aunt came through via my mom’s mediumship abilities. I was confused, at best. My friends at school would brag about their parents’ jobs (cops and lawyers and presidents of companies) and I would just shrug and say, “Well, my mom’s The Karma Queen.”

“What’s that?” they’d ask.

“I’m still trying to figure it out,” I would respond.

The New York Post bestowed her with the title in 2003. Sixteen at the time and brimming with youthful ignorance, I didn’t yet understand the fact that karma accounted for my attraction to all the bad boys at school, my phobia of big ships, and my lack of self-esteem as a child. Only as the years passed did I inherit the wisdom of The Karma Queen, drop by drop, day by day, until the pieces of the puzzle fell into place with resounding self-awareness. I was finally in possession of my true self, understanding my faults, weaknesses, and tendencies as well as their karmic origins.

I learned what my mom’s unique job title meant through time and daily exposure to the karma of others. I not only learned about her work, I came to revere it. Beginning in my early teenage years, I visited many of my mom’s clients with her and became familiar with their stories. I started to have a strong empathy for people, becoming sensitive to their needs and wants without even realizing it. I would listen, and their words would affect me as if their history were my own. I peered into their lives as a stranger who was filled with curiosity, and often recognized truths they were blind to because of their overwhelming emotion and strong will. It got to the point that when my mom would speak to her clients, I would innocently chime in with my own, somewhat intuitive advice. I may have had chutzpah stepping in that way, but my mother and her clients saw the validity of what I was saying.

So how could all that wisdom come from someone who simultaneously battled her own demons? Well, for one thing, it came from watching my mom work, but my degree in classics also helped—all things repeat in time, so what has happened before is bound to happen again. When you understand this, you can anticipate the outcome to most events. Most important, I recognized that I was an old soul with karma from previous lifetimes and a talent for understanding people. As the saying goes, “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.” I’m grateful to be able to feel what others feel—their tumultuous and sometimes terrible thoughts. I’m grateful because I can feel their karma.

By listening to thousands of different cases, I learned that we all walk down the same roads, only we travel at our own pace and leave different footprints behind. The stories of our lives share undeniable similarities, but what makes your life experiences unique to you is your individual karma, the record of your soul’s deeds and debts to the universe. And if you shed your fears and probe into your karmic record, you can find out the reason behind many of your circumstances. As Virgil the Roman poet said, “Happy is he who has been able to learn the causes of things.” What’s more, if you are willing not only to acknowledge your karma but take the extra step and act to resolve it, you can make true progress in every relationship and aspect of life. A karmic cleanse of all those karmic toxins you’ve accumulated will help you move forward.

Having experienced my own glorious karmic coming-of-age, I am ready to take the spiritual baton from my mother and become the next Karma Queen.

CARMEN

What’s in Your Suitcase?

Karma is like a suitcase you carry with you everywhere—only, unlike suitcases you bring to the airport, it never gets lost! That’s not always such a good thing. . . . If you want to lighten your load and experience greater joy, you have to be curious and courageous enough to open that suitcase (painful as that may be), sort through its contents, and get rid of what you don’t need—particularly patterns that will poison your relationships. When you have unresolved karma, you think you’ve left behind your demanding mother, but you marry a demanding man, or find yourself working for a demanding boss. Or one day you are telling your teenager what to do and she shouts, “Mom, you are so demanding!” and you wonder, “What happened to me? I’ve turned into my mother and I always swore I wouldn’t!” What happened is that you thought there was a simple solution to the discomfort of the conflict between you and your mother: avoid her and repress your irritation. Instead, you inadvertently set up complications in future relationships, because they would be affected by past karma that you failed to resolve.

And you aren’t the only one who brings a suitcase of karma into any particular relationship. It was no accident that you were attracted to a spouse who asks for too much, or the job with the demanding boss. They, too, had karma that attracted them to you so that you and they could cooperate and work to resolve the outstanding karma and generate new, more positive karma. And your child or children were born to you knowing your karma before they ever entered into this world, and wanting to resolve karma of their own carried over from a past life. It’s all outlined in our karmic contract, which we sign as souls on the other side before reentering the physical world. We forget this contract once our soul enters a body and must rediscover its contents the harder way, through experience.

Unlike breaking a contract with a dealership or mortgage company, breaking a karmic contract has greater repercussions than just monetary penalties. Failing to resolve your unique karma as stated in your soul contract means not learning the lessons you were put on earth to learn. And that means you don’t become fulfilled, your life stagnates, and you have to come back to this physical life over and over until you finally finish what you came to do. To triumph over your karma is a challenge, yes, but then again, what is more rewarding than conquering a personal challenge?

My daughter Alexandra had a karmic relationship with her ex-boyfriend (she’s rolling her eyes right now). They were together for five painstaking years (painstaking for her, joyful for him). Because their relationship was karmic (you’ll learn more about that type of relationship later), it was intense. Alexandra shifted between being protective of her boyfriend and being demanding of him, and would explain to me, “Mom, he and I have a karmic connection. In a past life, he was my servant, I was wealthy, and I was very cruel to him. Now I feel like I owe him.” She was trying to work with him through that karmic dynamic in this life, and I’m glad she was committed to doing that.

I am not glad, however, to remember the amount of money it cost us.

Yes, I know that what I’m describing is not your typical mother-daughter conversation about boyfriends, but that’s the way Alexandra and I talk to each other. We’re kindred spirits as much as mother and daughter. She has learned a lot from me. Ever since she was a little girl, she has been very observant of people. But she also has a gift for insight that is karmic.

Alexandra knew that her relationship was a karmic one and that she had to be mindful of her behavior patterns and dedicated to changing them. It also meant I had to deal with her and her ex-boyfriend’s dramas playing out in front of me in our home, and hold back from giving her—and him—advice. This was especially difficult considering that as a licensed clinical psychologist, I could easily see the mistakes they were making—and as a metaphysical intuitive, I knew the relationship wasn’t going to last. Yet I had to respect their choice to be in the relationship, working to detangle their karma.

Working through karma can be very onerous. Clearing old karma can take a long time. Think about clearing the contents of a very old house in which you’ve lived your entire life—there will be ancient stashes of stuff you long forgot you even had. But coming across old photographs and clothes and trinkets will bring back submerged memories and an understanding of how far you’ve come since then. That’s what digging through your karmic suitcase does: it makes you aware of what you’ve worked on and what still requires work. Patience with the process is essential. If you give up quickly out of frustration, you’re just going to end up dealing with the same issues, only in a different relationship. But when you push through and make progress, ah! Then you feel yourself being liberated. You feel yourself mastering your karma, and there is no more powerful feeling than knowing you are in control.

By resolving your karma, by bringing love and patience into the situation and acting from your highest, most evolved and spiritual self, you end the cycle of going from one similar rel...

About this edition

• Publisher: TarcherPerigee
• Publication date: 2015
• ISBN 10: 0399173900
• ISBN 13: 9780399173905
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 288