Change One Thing: Discover What’s Holding You Back – and Fix It – With the Secrets of a Top Executive Image Consultant - Softcover

Wildermuth, Anna Soo; Gould, Jodie

Softcover

ISBN 10: 007162435X ISBN 13: 9780071624350

Publisher: McGraw Hill, 2009

Synopsis

If You Could Change One Thing About Yourself, What Would It Be?

Change One Thing is your new secret weapon in the quest to look, feel, and be your best--by transforming those little things that keep you from shining like you should. Be it an outdated wardrobe or an understated personality, executive image consultant Anna Soo Wildermuth gives you the tools you need to change how others see you--and how you see yourself. Her self-assessment quizzes show you where you're coming up short, help you shake up your usual routine, and point you in your new direction.

Change One Thing is the first step to finding out what's keeping you from the job, the relationship, or the life you want.

“Anna's work is straightforward and down-to-earth. Her book, like her workshops, gives practical, easy-to-use tips for looking your best so you can be your best.”
--George Vukotich, director of leadership development, HSBC

“Anna remains an ongoing resource for me, providing insight and understanding that has been invaluable in my career and my daily life. There is no one like her.”
--Connie DuBois, director of communications, Siemens Medical Diagnostics

About this title

About the Author

Anna Soo Wildermuth is founder of the Chicago-based Personal Images, Inc., and has been a professional image and communication consultant, trainer, and coach for more than twenty-five years.
Jodie Gould is an award-winning writer and author. She writes for national magazines and newspapers.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

CHANGE ONE THING

Discover What's Holding You Back and Fix It—with the Secrets of a Top Executive Image ConsultantBy Anna Soo Wildermuth Jodie Gould

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Anna Soo Wildermuth and Jodie Gould
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-07-162435-0

Contents

Chapter One

FACE YOUR FEARS!

The Ten Most Common Excuses for Not Changing

One of the first things I ask my clients to do is to tell me why they think they haven't yet reached their goals. Inevitably, the same excuses come up again and again. These justifications for failure are sometimes well founded, sometimes imagined, but in either case, people use them to confirm their preexisting belief that their lives can't get better. It gives them a reason to be discouraged—and not to try.

People resist change because they are afraid of the unknown. Only when a situation becomes too painful are people motivated to make a change. Don't wait for your life to become unbearable. Begin your transformation process now! It's easier and less daunting if you make one small change at a time, rather than attempting a total overhaul down the road. If you use any of the excuses described in this chapter, you can free yourself from those shackles of defeat by applying my simple three-part strategy: change one thing, dump one thing, and keep one thing. Let's begin by looking at the ten most common excuses.

Excuse 1: I'm Not Educated

Whenever people tell me they are not educated, I ask what they mean by this. Does "not educated" mean you don't have a high school or college degree, or that you don't have the right training in your desired field? Not being educated doesn't mean you aren't smart. You can have street smarts, which can certainly help you in business, or you can be bright but not book smart. And while I encourage people to get some kind of degree in order to compete in this increasingly tough marketplace, college isn't for everyone. Keep in mind that many highly successful people, including Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Harry Truman, Walt Disney, Peter Jennings, Abe Lincoln, and George Washington, did not graduate from college, so you're in good company.

Generally, when people believe they were passed over for a job or promotion because they lack a college degree, they do one of two things. The first is they tend to overcompensate by being aggressive. The second is they keep an extremely low profile so no one notices their knowledge gap. Aggressive people have a tendency to intimidate others. They have trouble letting things go. And if one of their ideas isn't well received, they assume it's because people don't respect their expertise. The low-profile person will try to stay under the radar by not volunteering for projects or not speaking up in a meeting or other group setting.

Change one thing: If one of these scenarios describes you, you need to change the way you communicate. To do that, you should videotape yourself in action. It can be in a business setting, while you are at a party, or when you're on vacation. It doesn't matter, as long as you are interacting in a group situation. If you don't have a video of yourself, ask someone you trust to interview you on camera.

When I do this with clients, I start by asking softball questions and follow up with something that will make the interviewee angry or uncomfortable. It's important to do this so the client can see how he or she reacts when the going gets tough. Here are some sample questions I use:

* Tell me a little about yourself.

* Tell me about your job or work life.

* What's the best thing that has happened to you this year?

* What's the biggest challenge you've ever faced?

* What makes you angry?

The interview should last about thirty minutes or until you get a full range of emotions. Afterward, sit down with the interviewer and as many people as you can think of whom you trust to be candid, and have them comment on what they see. Have them pay attention to your body language, your facial expressions, and the kinds of words you use. Do you seem friendly and approachable? Are you defensive? Do you slouch or sit with your arms folded?

When I started giving workshops, people used to tell me that I was intimidating. I thought they had to be mistaken. Me, intimidating? But when I watched myself on tape, I couldn't believe how scary I was! After another presentation, someone told me that I didn't smile enough; I looked too grim. Again, I didn't realize I was coming across as so serious and unapproachable until I saw a tape of myself speaking. Since then, I've made a concerted effort to smile more whenever I speak in public.

If you are not sure whether you are someone who likes to stay under the radar, ask yourself these questions: Do people make eye contact with you when you are in a meeting, or do they look right past you? If coworkers are gathering a group together to go out to lunch, are you left out? If you feel like you are invisible, it's time for you to speak up. When you go to meetings, take a cheat sheet on which you've listed talking points that you want to discuss before it's over. At the very least, say, "I agree with that," when someone makes a good point or, "I'm not sure about that," if you disagree. Make sure you are heard. Practice as much as possible in a comfortable setting, such as the next time you go out with friends or family.

Dump one thing: Drop the idea that you need to get a degree in order to be successful. If you can't get the degree you want, you should join an organization where you can surround yourself with educated people. Learn from them. The degree doesn't matter as much as being up-to-date with the latest developments in your field or profession. Start with taking a course, getting a certification in your field, or joining a professional association. Once you are sure that you want to make the commitment, you can look into applying to a college or university and use some of the connections you made as references.

Gail, 46, worked for a Fortune 500 company but did not have a business degree even though she had been in the financial services industry for years. Because of this, she felt as though her team did not respect her. Family obligations prevented Gail from going back to school, so I advised her to get a certification in one of the financial software programs used at her company. Getting that certification gave her the confidence she needed. Gail is now her company's director of finance.

You can also read books and listen to educational tapes while you are in your car, at the gym, or doing errands. All these efforts will help you build a foundation of knowledge and boost your confidence.

Keep one thing: Establish what it is you bring to the party, and give yourself some credit. Maybe you are a good mediator or someone who is able to spot typos and other mistakes. Your accomplishments don't have to be huge. To keep yourself motivated, make a list of your strengths, and read it every day before you go to work and before you go to bed. I also recommend finding a successful "business guru" and using his or her guidelines every day to keep you motivated. Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, was my guru when I began my consulting practice. His advice kept me going for years and still does.

Excuse 2: I Don't Speak So Good

As a child of immigrants, I understand the problems people face when English is not their first language. People sometimes think you are stupid if you stumble over a word, use one incorrectly, or miss a cultural reference. But people from other countries aren't the only ones who don't speak well. I've encountered people who mumble, speak too fast (something I had to work on), speak too slowly, or use inappropriate language. Having the proper communication skills is one of the most important gateways to success in both your professional and your personal life. (See Chapter 6 for advice on changing your communication style.)

Change one thing: Practice your enunciation by reading a paragraph with a pencil in your mouth. Then take the pencil out of your mouth and read the paragraph two more times. Do this exercise every day for a month. It really works for diction and pronunciation because it teaches you to use more of the muscles in your mouth. Record yourself so you can hear the difference.

When Aashan, a 33-year-old actuary from Illinois, came to me, his accent was so heavy that his coworkers couldn't understand what he was saying. People would ask him to repeat himself or would just give up altogether. After Aashan did the pencil exercise for thirty days, his enunciation and speaking pace improved tremendously. When he made his next presentation, it was so well received that his colleagues described him as being the star of his office. Aashan also improved his presentation by choosing words that were easy to pronounce and staying away from difficult words.

Keep one thing: Having an accent can be part of your personality, so unless you are going into broadcasting, you don't need to erase it entirely. If you think your accent is holding you back, ask your friends to tell you whenever you mispronounce a word. It can be embarrassing at times, but eventually you will learn by listening to the way the words should be spoken.

Dump one thing: Don't try to pronounce difficult words. It's not necessary to use a big word when a smaller one will suffice. It's better to be understood than to impress people with your vocabulary. Here are some other things you can do:

* Watch TV. If you are just learning English, watching TV can be an entertaining way to learn colloquial speech. Use the closed-caption mode on your TV so you can read any phrases that you missed or didn't understand.

* Record yourself. Get a tape recorder or other recording device and listen to yourself reading passages from a book. If you don't have a tape recorder, call your cell phone or answering machine, leave messages, and listen to yourself that way.

* Listen to audiobooks. Spoken-word CDs and podcasts are an excellent way to learn a language or improve your English skills. Download a podcast to your MP3 player, or get CD recordings from your bookstore or library, and then listen while you are commuting.

If you are having trouble fixing your language problems or until you get better, select a job where you don't have to speak much. I know a smart, attractive man who stuttered whenever he was asked to speak publicly. He wanted to go into advertising, so he studied to be an art designer, where he worked with computer images and rarely had to go to meetings or give presentations. He eventually became an art director at a major New York firm. In his case, a picture was worth a thousand words and thousands of dollars!

Excuse 3: I Don't Have Enough Experience

Lack of experience is one of the most common excuses I hear, but fortunately, it is also the most easily fixed. Susan, a 35-year-old woman from Minneapolis, told me she wanted to go into accounting. She had an associate's degree in business but had never done accounting professionally. She gave up the idea of trying because she felt it was hopeless, given her lack of experience. Instead of giving up, I advised her to volunteer to do the books for a nonprofit organization. She ended up working for a local charity that couldn't afford to hire someone. It was a great job to add to her résumé, and it eventually led to her getting a high-paying accounting position.

Change one thing: Volunteer for an organization that will give you the experience you need, the way Susan did. Don't take on too big a project at first. Instead of going to the United Way, for example, try a small group that needs your help such as the local animal shelter or day care center. There's going to be a learning curve, so you will need some time to work your way up. If you want to be an interior decorator, start by offering to redo at least three of your friends' houses. I started my business by working with friends first.

Keep one thing: Keep a record of your successful projects. Take before-and- after pictures, if appropriate, or gather testimonials to put on a website advertising your services. (Yes, you should build a professional website—it's worth the investment, which need not be large.) You can follow up by joining associations in your industry and getting the proper accreditation.

Dump one thing: Don't be afraid to try something new just because you haven't done it before.

Excuse 4: I'm Too Smart

Nobody wants to work with someone who thinks he or she is smarter than everyone else. While know-it-alls often succeed in spite of themselves, they alienate others with their condescending attitude and usually end up working on their own rather than on a team. These people are the opposite of those who stay under the radar. They are braggarts who think most jobs are beneath them.

One of my clients is a successful financial institution in Chicago. One day, the person who opened up the bank each morning was sick, and no one could get into the building. Someone called the corporate office, and the CEO of the company happened to pick up the phone. When he learned that everyone was locked out, he got the keys and opened the bank himself. Sure, he could have asked someone else to do this simple task, but he didn't. A good leader doesn't think he or she is above doing any job.

I work with many young people right out of college who are unwilling to take a low-level job. This is especially true of those who graduated from Ivy League schools. They want to go straight to the top or to the middle without paying their dues. I tell them if they hold out for a certain salary or position for too long, it might not happen. Internships are a great way to learn on-the-job skills from the bottom up, and there is nothing demeaning about being an apprentice.

Change one thing: Listen before you speak. Know-it-alls tend to be impatient and interrupt others. They believe their way is the only way. Ask questions instead of immediately coming up with all the answers. Instead of putting other people's ideas down by saying, "We've done this already," or "That will never work," take a gentler approach by saying, "Have you tried doing it this way?"

Keep one thing: Hang on to your self-confidence. Influence others by example, not by giving orders. In an ideal professional situation, all people should feel they are smart enough and have the right stuff to handle any situation.

Dump one thing: Stop taking credit for everything. Make sure you give credit to others for coming up with good ideas. If you're the boss, you will get the credit in the long run. It's better to be seen as a team player than as a lone wolf.

Excuse 5: I'm Unattractive

Studies have shown that attractive people tend to be more successful and make more money than those who are not blessed with beauty. It's not fair, but it's a fact. That said, you should not give up just because you don't look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. The first question I ask people who feel unattractive is what they would like to change about their appearance. Once we determine what that is, we can start working on ways to improve or camouflage our weaknesses. So much help is available to us today in terms of clothing and cosmetics that there is no reason to throw yourself a pity party.

The next thing I ask people who feel unattractive is what they like about themselves. This question is usually more difficult than the first one, but most people can find at least one thing they like, whether it's their eyes, hair, smile, or sense of humor. Whatever it is, you can build on your strengths and make sure you emphasize your positive features.

If you are overweight, ill-fitting clothes will make you look worse. Whether you are a tall man or woman, a jacket that falls in just the right place can make all the difference. If you're a short woman, buy a fashionable skirt that shows more leg, or add a few inches to your heels. There are shops and websites that cater to the plus-sized and petite woman. If you don't go to a specialty shop, go to a tailor. Men already know about the importance of owning a tailored suit. It's worth the extra money to have clothing that fits your size and figure, whatever it may be. (See Chapter 2 for more ideas about wardrobe and Chapter 3 for improving your body image.)

Change one thing: Nearly every woman can benefit from a little makeup—not the Kabuki kind, but the natural-looking, face-enhancing kind. If I had to choose only one perk-me-up cosmetic, it would have to be lipstick. Go to a professional who isn't selling a particular product to help you find the right shade for your age and complexion. Follow up with a good hairstyle, which is one of the most important changes you can make. When you visit the hair stylist, take him or her some pictures from magazines of hairstyles that you would like. Make sure, however, that the model's face shape and hair texture are similar to your own; otherwise, the style won't work. If you're over 40, look for inspiration in an age-appropriate magazine such as More.

Nowadays, there are more cosmetic products available for men than ever before, including moisturizers such as Clinique for Men, Clarins for Men, and Anthony Logistics, as well as shampoos and conditioners by Crew, Woody, and Matrix for Men, so there is no excuse for guys not to spruce up. I also recommend getting a Conair nose- and ear-hair trimmer for good facial grooming and a self-bronzer such as Angel by Thierry Mugler if you are pale. Men's Health, Men's Journal, and GQ magazines all provide great tips on fashion and grooming for the sophisticated man.

Keep one thing: Go to your closet, and find the one item you feel good in. When you find items that make you feel good about yourself, buy them in different colors so you can wear your favorite confidence-building clothing often.

Dump one thing: While you're in your closet, get rid of clothing that doesn't work for you. You might be crazy about a pair of pants that is just not flattering to you, so you need a second opinion. If you can't afford an image consultant like me to come in and purge your closet, get a friend to tell you what looks good and what doesn't. If an item of clothing gets the thumbs down, dump it and don't look back!

Excuse 6: I Was Fired from My Last Job

As traumatizing as getting fired or laid off can be, it no longer carries the kind of stigma it once did. With the economy the way it is, many people are now facing cutbacks or have been laid off at least once in their career. What do you do if you were fired for cause? Own up to why you were let go. Acknowledge what you did wrong, and come up with solutions so it won't happen again. If you didn't have the necessary skills, get them. If you refuse to admit that you might have done something to cause the firing, you risk repeating your mistake in your next job.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from CHANGE ONE THINGby Anna Soo Wildermuth Jodie Gould Copyright © 2009 by Anna Soo Wildermuth and Jodie Gould. Excerpted by permission of The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: McGraw Hill
• Publication date: 2009
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 007162435X
• ISBN 13: 9780071624350
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 224