Raising Great Kids - Softcover

Cloud, Henry; Townsend, John

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0310235499 ISBN 13: 9780310235491

Publisher: Zondervan, 2000

Synopsis

What does it take to raise great kids? If you've read any books on parenting, conflicting opinions have probably left you feeling confused. Get tough! Show acceptance. Lay down the rules. Lighten up, already!

There's got to be a balance--and there is. Joining their expertise with the wisdom of MOPS International (Mothers of Preschoolers), Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you provide both the care and acceptance that make grace real to your child, and the firmness and discipline that give direction. Avoiding the twin extremes of permissiveness and over-control, Drs. Cloud and Townsend show how you can help your child cultivate six necessary character traits: attachment, responsibility, reality, competence, morality, and worship/spiritual life.

At last, here is an effective middle ground for raising up children who will handle life with maturity and wisdom. Raising Great Kids will help you equip your son or daughter to accept life's responsibilities, grow from its challenges, and freely and fully explore all that it has to offer.

About this title

About the Authors

Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, pastor to pastors, and New York Times bestselling author. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold over 20 million copies worldwide. Throughout his storied career as a clinician, he started treatment centers, created breakthrough new models rooted in research, and has been a leading voice on issues of mental health and leadership on a global scale. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

 

Dr. John Townsend is a nationally known leadership consultant, psychologist, and author, selling over 10 million books, including the New York Times bestselling Boundaries series. John founded the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and the Townsend Leadership Program. Dr. Townsend travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking events, and to help develop leaders, their teams, and their families. John and his family live in Southern California and Texas. Visit DrTownsend.com.

From the Back Cover

What does it take to raise great kids? If you've read any books on parenting, conflicting opinions have probably left you feeling confused. Get tough! Show acceptance. Lay down the rules. Lighten up, already! - There's got to be a balance -- and there is. Joining their expertise with the wisdom of MOPS International (Mothers of Preschoolers), Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you provide both the care and acceptance that make grace real to your child, and the firmness and discipline that give direction. Avoiding the twin extremes of permissiveness and over-control, Drs. Cloud and Townsend show how you can help your child cultivate six necessary character traits: attachment, responsibility, reality, competence, morality, and worship/spiritual life. - At last, here is an effective middle ground for raising up children who will handle life with maturity and wisdom. Raising Great Kids will help you equip your son or daughter to accept life's responsibilities, grow from its challenges, and freely and fully explore all that it has to offer.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Raising Great KidsCopyright 1999 by Henry Cloud and John TownsendThis title is also available as a Zondervan audio product.Visit www.zondervan.com/audiopages for more information.Requests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataCloud, Henry.Raising great kids: parenting with grace and truth / Henry Cloud and JohnTownsend.p. cm.Includes bibliographical references and index.ISBN-10: 0-310-23549-9ISBN-13: 978-0-310-23549-11. Parenting---Religious aspect---Christianity. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952--II. Title.BV4529.C54 1999248.8'45---dc2198-51434This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: NewInternational Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International BibleSociety. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrievalsystem, or transmitted in any form or by any means---electronic, mechanical, photocopy,recording, or any other---except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without theprior permission of the publisher.Published in association with Yates and Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors,Orange, CA.Interior design by Sherri L. HoffmanPrinted in the United States of America06 07 08 09 10 11 12 * 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19------------ One ------------The Goal of ParentingA Child with CharacterMy friend Tony had asked me (Dr. Townsend) to dinner to talkabout a family problem. After we caught up on what was newin our lives since we had last seen each other, he began talkingabout his recent struggles with his fourteen-year-old daughter,Halley. She was skipping school, drinking, and hanging aroundwith a bad crowd. Tony and his wife, Denise, were working withthe school, their church, and a counselor to deal with Halley'sbehavior.'It must be awful. How are you handling it?' I asked Tony.'It's been tough for all of us,' Tony said. 'But for me theworst part is what we've lost.''What do you mean?''Remember when Halley was three or four?'I nodded, having been friends with the family for years.'She was the sweetest, most responsive kid you'd ever see,'he said. 'We were all so close. Halley wasn't perfect, but shewas a good girl. Then out of the blue, this angry, lying, rebelliousperson seems to inhabit my daughter's body. I don't knowthis Halley.'I sat quietly with my friend, empathizing with his senseof loss.Sometime later, Tony and I met again, and I asked aboutHalley. With a look of weary wisdom, he said, 'We've all workedhard, and things are a lot better. I've learned some things abouthow we raised Halley. We wanted her to be good. But we weren'tdoing a lot about helping her have good character. That's ourfocus nowadays.'Tony's observation illustrates an important point about parenting.Everybody wants good kids. Good children do what they'resupposed to. This is a proper and right desire. We are all to dowhat is good and right in God's eyes (Deuteronomy 12:28). Butmany good children don't grow up handling life well. They maybecome either not-so-good people or good-but-immature adults.As Tony learned, the issue is not about being good, but abouthaving good character. That is the subject of this chapter.The Importance of Being a ParentIf you are a parent, congratulations! You are engaged in oneof the most meaningful jobs in the world. Although cleaningup spilled milk and arguing about dirty rooms may seem trivial,you are doing eternally significant work: developing a littleperson into an adult.God understands and supports you in this endeavor. Peopledidn't invent parenting, God did. He is in a parent-child rolewith us, his people, forever. He loves us and wants to nurtureand develop us. He wants us to call him by a parent name:'Father.'Being a parent is one of the most important tasks God givesanyone. Children are a blessing and a great heritage. Throughparenting, humanity continues down through the centuries, ourspiritual and cultural values are preserved, and the image of Godis revealed in every new generation.Parenting is a huge task. Parents shoulder the burden of beingthe source of life, love, and growth for their children. One of theelements of childhood is dependency. Dependency defines a child.Children look to and need parents for all those things they can'tprovide for themselves. Especially in the early years, the parenttakes responsibility for both knowing and giving needed elementsof life to the child. A dependent person (child) and a source person(parent) are at the core of the parent-child relationship.If you are reading this book, most likely you willingly chosethe responsibility of becoming a parent. If this isn't true, youhave certainly still accepted this responsibility. Most parents havestrong values and emotions that influence them to raise kids. Forexample, they want to:Create love with a spouse, which can transfer down toanother generationPass on their values to othersCreate a warm and caring family contextHave fun with their kidsContribute something to the worldThese are all good reasons for parenting. However, onceyou have become a parent, it can be hard to get your head abovewater long enough to figure out exactly what you are trying toaccomplish and how you will know when you get there. Parentsneed a way to keep in mind the ultimate goal of parenting.Creating an AdultMost parents want their children to grow up. In other words,we define success not by how our children are doing today, butby what happens after they leave home. Imagine your childrenas adults in the following areas of life:School. They are investing in training for life and career.Job. They are growing in career life.Dating. They are choosing people who are mature andhave good values.Marriage. They have chosen a life's partner, and they areworking at their marriage.Friendships. They have a close-knit group of friends whosupport them.Personal values and conduct. They have thought throughwhat is important to them and live consistently withgood values.Spiritual life. They are actively involved in a relationshipwith God.All these help define what is a functioning adult. Adults takeon the challenges of life and find their niche. They know what isimportant to them, and they focus on those things. They knowtheir limits, and what they can't provide for themselves theyare able to get from outside resources.God designed your child to function independently of you.This is what is so difficult about parenting: It's the only relationshipdesigned by God that measures success by how wellit ends. You are investing in helping your child leave you. Inthe biblical teaching that children should leave father and mother(Genesis 2:24), the meaning of leave is 'to forsake.' Every momand dad who have sacrificed for and loved a child suffer a realparent-wound when their child grows up and leaves. And yetmature parents gladly suffer this wound, because they know thebenefits the child will receive from their investment.Sadly, kids don't always grow up well. Sometimes they don'tleave, and they depend on their parents far too long. At othertimes they leave, but they aren't prepared for adult life. Theymay not depend on their parents any longer, but they aren't functioningwell in love or work. They are adults on the outside,but they are broken or undeveloped on the inside.

Edition details

• Publisher: Zondervan
• Publication date: 2000
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0310235499
• ISBN 13: 9780310235491
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 240