1002 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking: Fresh, Timely, Compelling Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Speakers - Softcover

Hodgin, Michael

Softcover

ISBN 10: 031025602X ISBN 13: 9780310256021

Publisher: Zondervan, 2004

Synopsis

Lasso Them With Laughter The way to your listeners’ hearts is through their funny bones. Want to grab their attention? Do it with humor. Need to drive home a point they’ll remember? Nothing does it better than a rib-tickling anecdote—like the ones in this book. 1002 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking is jam-packed with one-liners, jokes, humorous stories, and pithy proverbs for just about any subject or circumstance under the sun. Pick your topic. Appearances, Communication, Opportunity, Prayer, Self-Image, Sports . . . these and plenty more come to you conveniently alphabetized, numbered, and indexed for instant referencing. There’s even a space for you to log what you use, so fresh nuttiness doesn’t become old chestnuts. Tested by preachers and public speakers, this ensemble of humor is just the ticket to get your audience laughing—and listening.

About this title

About the Author:

Michael E. Hodgin is the author of 1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking and 1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking. He edits The Pastor's Story File and Parables, Etc., two newsletters for pastors and public speakers. He lives in Platteville, Colorado.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

1 TOPIC: Ability How She Looks After the doctor completed his examination of a woman, he took her husband to the side. 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all,' the doctor confided. 'She may not be much to look at, Doc,' agreed the husband. 'But listen, she's an excellent cook and the kids seem to like her.' Dates and Places Used: 2 TOPIC: Ability Dogs and Bikes An animal shelter attendant checked the identification tag of a dog that was brought in by the police. He then called the owner and explained that she would need to come to the animal shelter and pay the fines and charges, and then she could get her dog. The woman asked, 'What are these fines and charges?' The attendant answered, 'You have to pay the animal shelter's standard charges and the police department's fine because your dog was chasing a man on his bicycle.' The woman hesitated and said, 'That must not be my dog! My dog doesn't know how to ride a bicycle!' Dates and Places Used: 3 TOPIC: Ability What I Can Do There is an old joke about a man who, when he was asked if he could play a violin, answered, 'I don't know. I've never tried.' This is psychologically a very wise reply. Those who have never tried to play a violin really do not know whether or not they can. Those who say too early in life and too firmly, 'No, I'm not at all musical,' shut themselves off prematurely from whole areas of life that may have proved rewarding. Each of us has unknown possibilities, undiscovered potentialities. One big advantage of having an open self-concept rather than a rigid one is that we will continue to expose ourselves to new experiences and therefore continue to discover more and more about ourselves as we grow older. Dates and Places Used: 4 TOPIC: Ability Seen the Dog Bowl A mother asked her son, 'Have you seen the dog bowl?' 'No,' the boy replied, 'but he's pretty good at skating!' Dates and Places Used: 5 TOPIC: Ability One Could Get Hurt A man decided to commit suicide. Saturating his body with gasoline, he put a rope around his neck and tied it to a tree limb that jutted out over a river. He put a pistol to his temple. He then set a match to his body, jumped from the tree, and pulled the trigger on the pistol. Missing his temple, the bullet hit the rope and cut it, and he fell into the water below, which immediately put out the flames. As he climbed back up the riverbank gasping, he said, 'Wow! If I wasn't such a good swimmer, I would have drowned!' Dates and Places Used: 6 TOPIC: Ability Milsap on Blindness 'People are always asking me if being blind heightened my sense of hearing. The answer is no. I can't hear the grass grow or anything like that. The thing being blind did do for me was get me into a school where they taught me how to play the piano.' Dates and Places Used: 7 TOPIC: Abuse Getting Off in Buffalo An important executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, 'I'm a heavy sleeper, and I want you to be sure to wake me at 3:00 A.M. to get off at Buffalo. Regardless of what I say, get me up and get me off the train. I may resist you, but I have to get off at Buffalo.' But the next morning the executive awakened just as the train pulled into Chicago. He was infuriated, and with abusive language he poured out his anger on the porter. As the executive stomped down the platform toward the station, another passenger asked the porter, 'How could you stand there and take that kind of talk from that fellow?' The porter replied, 'That was nothing. You should have heard what the man I put off in Buffalo said!' Dates and Places Used: 8 TOPIC: Abuse Completely Ignored A man walked into a psychiatrist's office and said, 'My problem is that people seem to ignore me.' The psychiatrist walked to the door and called out, 'Next!' Dates and Places Used: 9 TOPIC: Acceptance Wanting to Kiss a Mule A little prospector wearing clean shoes walked into a saloon. A big cowboy said to his friend, 'Watch me make this dude dance.' He walked over to the prospector and said, 'You're a foreigner, aren't you?' 'You might say that,' said the little prospector. 'I'm from the city, and I'm prospecting for gold.' The cowboy said, 'Tell me dude, can you dance?' The little dude said, 'No sir, I never did learn.' 'Well I'm going to teach you. You'll be surprised how fast you can learn.' With that the cowboy pulled out his gun and started shooting at the prospector's feet. Hopping, jumping, and shaking, the prospector 'danced' out the door. About an hour later the cowboy left the saloon. As soon as he stepped out the door, he heard a click. He looked around, and there, next to his head, was the biggest shotgun he'd ever seen. The little prospector said, 'Cowboy, have you ever kissed a mule?' 'No,' said the cowboy, 'but I always wanted to.' Dates and Places Used: 10 TOPIC: Accidents Careless Cruise Control A man was standing in a motor home dealership when a motor home was towed in for repairs. The front of the home was badly damaged. The man was curious as to how the motor home had gotten so mangled, so he walked over to the service department to ask. The manager explained that the owner of the motor home had been driving on the interstate and had set the cruise control and gone back to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. There are just so many things to remember. Dates and Places Used: 11 TOPIC: Accidents The Golf Ball Missile I read about Mathieu Boya, who was practicing his golf swing in a pasture adjacent to the Benin Air Base in Africa. The story goes that back in 1987 he accidentally destroyed his country's entire air force! With one swing of the golf club, Boya set off an unbelievable series of events. The shot---'a glorious slice' it was called---hit a bird, which in turn dropped onto the windshield of a trainer jet, whose pilot was taxiing into position for takeoff. The pilot lost control of his plane and plowed into four shiny Albatross jets, totally demolishing the entire air force of Benin. Boya was jailed immediately for 'hooliganism,' and his attorney said he had no chance of winning a trial. Meanwhile, the country had no money in its treasury and wanted Boya to pay $40 million to replace the jets. Boya made $275 per year and figured it would take 145,000 years to pay off his debt to society. Few golfers could match that story, although I have heard of some complaining of their 'wayward shots.' The point is that we have seen what a chain reaction can do. Like falling dominoes, one event leads to a chain of events larger than could have been created by a single event. But a positive chain of events can happen too. This Sunday our church will kick off our financial campaign. One good pledge can lead to a whole series of exciting things to come. It's time for many of our members to get out their pocketbooks and start some better things rolling at this church. Dates and Places Used:

About this edition

• Publisher: Zondervan
• Publication date: 2004
• ISBN 10: 031025602X
• ISBN 13: 9780310256021
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 448