Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry - Hardcover

Les Parrott; Leslie Parrott

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0310259827 ISBN 13: 9780310259824

Publisher: Zondervan, 2006

Synopsis

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, created by relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is a comprehensive marriage program designed specifically for today’s couples by a couple. And now, in this updated edition, the Parrotts’ award-winning approach has been expanded to incorporate ten more years of feedback, research, and professional experience. This is more than a book—it’s practically a self-guided premarital counseling course, and it is used by counselors and churches across the country and, now in ten languages, worldwide. Questions at the end of every chapter help you explore each topic personally. Companion men’s and women’s workbooks* full of self-tests and exercises help you apply what you learn and enjoy intimate discussions along the way. There is even a seven-session DVD kit (with a bonus session for people entering a second marriage) available that you can use on your own or with other couples in a group or a class that want to grow together. In this dynamic DVD you’ll not only hear entertaining and insightful teaching from The Parrotts, but you’ll also meet other real-life couples who provide amazing candor and perspective. Relationship experts Les and Leslie Parrott show you the secrets to building a marriage that lasts. • Uncover the most important misbeliefs of marriage • Learn how to communicate with instant understanding • Discover the secret to reducing and resolving conflict • Master the skills of money management • Get your sex life off to a great start • Understand the three essential ingredients to lasting love • Discover the importance of becoming “soul mates” … and more. Make your marriage everything it is meant to be. Save your marriage—before (and after) it starts.

About this title

About the Author

A psychologist and a marriage and family therapist, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their bestselling books include Love Talk, Crazy Good Sex The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Their work has been featured in The New York Times and USA Today, and they have appeared on CNN, O’Reilly Factor, Good Morning America, Today Show, The View, and Oprah. They live with their two sons in Seattle. Visit LesandLeslie.com.

From the Back Cover

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, created by relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is a comprehensive marriage program designed specifically for today's couples by a couple. And now, in this updated edition, the Parrotts' award-winning approach has been expanded to incorporate ten more years of feedback, research, and professional experience.

This is more than a book--it's practically a self-guided premarital counseling course, and it is used by counselors and churches across the country and, now in ten languages, worldwide. Questions at the end of every chapter help you explore each topic personally. Companion men's and women's workbooks* full of self-tests and exercises help you apply what you learn and enjoy intimate discussions along the way. There is even a seven-session DVD kit (with a bonus session for people entering a second marriage) available that you can use on your own or with other couples in a group or a class that want to grow together. In this dynamic DVD you'll not only hear entertaining and insightful teaching from The Parrotts, but you'll also meet other real-life couples who provide amazing candor and perspective.

Relationship experts Les and Leslie Parrott show you the secrets to building a marriage that lasts.
• Uncover the most important misbeliefs of marriage
• Learn how to communicate with instant understanding
• Discover the secret to reducing and resolving conflict
• Master the skills of money management
• Get your sex life off to a great start
• Understand the three essential ingredients to lasting love
• Discover the importance of becoming “soul mates” … and more.
Make your marriage everything it is meant to be. Save your marriage--before (and after) it starts.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Saving Your Marriage Before It StartsCopyright 1995, 2006 by Les and Leslie ParrottThis title is also available as a Zondervan audio product.Visit www.zondervan.com/audiopages for more information.Requests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataParrott, Les.Saving your marriage before it starts : seven questions to ask before --- and after --- youmarry / Les and Leslie Parrott. --- Expanded and updated ed.p. cm.Includes bibliographical references.ISBN-13: 978-0-310-25982-4ISBN-10: 0-310-25982-71. Marriage. 2. Marriage --- Religious aspects --- Christianity. 3. Married people ---Psychology. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964-- II. Title.HQ734.P22 2006646.7'8 --- dc222006005251This edition printed on acid-free paper.Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: Today's NewInternational Version. TNIV. Copyright 2002, 2004 by International Bible Society. Used bypermission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.Scripture quotations marked CEV are from the Contemporary English Version 1991, 1992,1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. Thesewebsites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan,nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,or transmitted in any form or by any means --- electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, orany other --- except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of thepublisher.Published in association with Yates and Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000, LiteraryAgent, Orange, CA.Interior design by Beth ShagenePrinted in the United States of America06 07 08 09 10 11 12 * 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1Before You BeginWe never had premarital counseling, but we spent the first year of ourmarried life in therapy. Once a week, we met with a counselor whohelped us iron out the wrinkles we never even saw before getting married. Notthat we were in serious trouble. But we had this naive ideathat after our wedding our life would fall naturally into place, and amarriage preparation course or counseling never entered our minds. We had dated for six years before our nine-month engagement, andwe had a lot in common (even our first names). We simply thoughtwe would tie the proverbial knot, set up house, and as the fairy talessay, 'live happily ever after.'But we didn't. The first years of marriage were difficult right fromthe start. Literally. In the limousine ride away from the church, asboth of us waved good-bye to our family and friends through the backwindow, I (Leslie) began to cry.'What's wrong?' Les asked.I kept crying and didn't answer.'Are you happy or sad?' Les put his arm around my shoulders andwaited for a reply. When I didn't answer, he asked again, 'What'sgoing on inside you?''I don't know,' I whimpered. 'I don't know.'Les gave me a squeeze with his arm. I knew I was hurting him, butI didn't know what to say or why I was feeling so sad.Except for the clanging of the tin cans behind us, the ride to theairport that afternoon, June 30, 1984, was quiet. As we waited for14 Before You Beginour flight in a smoke-filled terminal at O'Hare Airport, both of usfelt hazy about what we had just been through. Were we really married?It didn't feel like it. We were newlyweds, but we felt more likerefugees.After boarding the plane, we fell into our seats, exhausted. Somuch time and energy had led up to that wedding ceremony. Andit had gone as planned. But now what? Both of us sat on the plane,emotionally spent, quietly pondering the meaning of marriage. Whatwas it all about, this marriage? Why didn't I feel any different? Whowas this person I married, really?For Better or Worse?Let's be honest. The 'till death do us part' statement of the marriagevow rings increasingly ironic. In the 1930s, one out of seven marriagesended in divorce. In the 1960s, it was one out of four. Of the 2.4million coupleswho will get married this year in the United States,it is predicted that at least 43 percent will not survive. For too manycouples,marriage has become 'till divorce do us part.'1Every couplemarrying today is at risk. More than two-hundredthousand new marriages each year end prior to the couple'ssecondanniversary. After they toss the bouquet and return the tuxedos,couplesoften assume they're headed for marital bliss. But a study ofthose who recently tied the knot revealed that 49 percent reportedhaving serious marital problems. Half were already having doubtsabout whether their marriages would last.2The truth is, most engaged couplesprepare more for their weddingthan they do for their marriage. The $50-billion-a-year weddingindustry can testify to that fact. According to experts, the averagetwo-hundred guest wedding today costs twenty-two thousand dollars.3 More than one million copies of bridal magazines are sold eachmonth, focusing mainly on wedding ceremonies, honeymoons, andhome furnishings --- but not on marriage itself.Before You Begin 15Looking back, it seems silly that Les and I did so much to preparefor our wedding and so little to prepare for our marriage. But thetruth is that less than a fifth of all marriages in America are precededby some kind of formal marriage preparation.4One wonders what would be the effect if the same amount of time,energy, and money spent on the ceremony was invested in the marriage. Planningthe perfect wedding too often takes precedence overplanning a successful marriage. And lack of planning is the ultimatesaboteur of marriage.The wedding-bell blues are common after the excitement of anelaborate wedding celebration. 'The emotional high of orderingengraved invitations, selecting music for the ceremony, and choosinga china pattern took my attention off the big picture,' a young bridetold us. 'The ceremony was more tangible and less of a gamble thanthe marriage. I put my energy into the wedding and hoped for thebest.' For too long the trend has been to fall in love, marry, and hopefor the best.This book offers a different approach.How to Predict a Happy MarriageOver the last three decades, marriage specialists have researched theingredients of a happy marriage. As a result, we know more aboutbuilding a successful marriage today than ever before. For example,happily married coupleswill have:* healthy expectations of marriage* a realistic concept of love* a positive attitude and outlook toward life* the ability to communicate their feelings* an understanding and acceptance of their gender differences* the ability to make decisions and settle arguments* a common spiritual foundation and goalIn short, the indicators of a healthy marriage form the basis ofthe seven questions we pose in this book.5 Every coupleshould beaware of these issues before (and after) they marry. Taking the time tounderstand these issues is like investing in an insurance policy againstdivorce.Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) is based on the factthat marriage doesn't have to be a gamble. As a psychologist (Les)and a marriage and family therapist (Leslie) who counsel hundreds ofmarried couples,we have learned that living happily ever after is less amystery than it is the mastery of certain skills. Although married lifewill always have its difficulties, mastering these life skills will steadilyand dramatically improve your relationship.

Edition details

• Publisher: Zondervan
• Publication date: 2006
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0310259827
• ISBN 13: 9780310259824
• Binding: Hardcover
• Number of pages: 162