Who's Your Caddy?: Looping for the Great, Near Great, and Reprobates of Golf - Hardcover

Reilly, Rick

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0385488858 ISBN 13: 9780385488853

Publisher: Doubleday, 2003

Synopsis

The funniest and most popular sportswriter in America abandons his desk at Sports Illustrated to caddy for some of the world’s most famous golfers, and some celebrity duffers, recounting it all in this hilarious and revealing look at the world of golf.

Who knows a golfer best? Who’s with them every minute of every round, hears their muttering, knows whether they cheat? Their caddies, of course. So sportswriter Rick Reilly figured that he could learn a lot about the players and their games by caddying, even though he had absolutely no idea how to do it. Amazingly, some of the best golfers in the world—including Jack Nicklaus, David Duval, Tom Lehman, John Daly, Casey
Martin, and Jill McGill—agreed to let Reilly carry their bags at actual PGA and LPGA Tour events. To round out his portrait of the golfing life, Reilly also caddied at the Masters, persuaded Deepak Chopra and Donald Trump to use him as a caddy, accompanied high-rolling golf hustlers in Las Vegas around the course, and carried the bag for a blind golfer.

In Who’s Your Caddy?, Reilly chronicles his experiences in the same inimitable style that makes his back-page column for Sports Illustrated a must-read for more than twenty million people every week. From his laugh-out-loud portrait of Deepak Chopra decomposing on the green, to his portraits of good ol’ boys who bet $100,000 a round, to his hilarious descriptions of his own ineptitude as a caddy, to his insights into what
makes the greats of golf so great, Reilly combines a wicked wit with an expert’s eye in a most original and entertaining look at golf.

Who’s Your Caddy? is the next best thing to a great round of golf. It is sure to delight low-handicappers, high-handicappers, and everyone in between.

About this title

About the Author

RICK REILLY is the author of the cult classic Missing Links, Slo Mo, and The Life of Reilly, a New York Times bestseller. A senior writer for Sports Illustrated, he has been voted eight times as the National Sportswriter of the Year by his peers. He lives in Denver, Colorado.

Reviews

Hilarious misadventures, catty gossip and downright embarrassing facts are only part of the appeal of this deftly written journal by Sports Illustrated writer Reilly (Missing Links). Caddying for a golf pro just might be every amateur golfer's dream. Reilly managed to talk 11 players, media personalities and one infamous gambler into letting him follow them inside the ropes, even though he had no experience as a caddy and showed that fact so many times that John Daly nicknamed him "Dumbshit." Consider spilling Jack Nicklaus's clubs out onto the wet ground, just as he asks you for a new ball. Or leaving David Duval's golf clubs in the locker room overnight (the ones he won the British Open with) and not being able to find them the next morning. Self-help guru Deepak Chopra recently took up the game and proved that although he may be able to control the aging process, hitting driver is beyond his mystical powers. Reilly gets serious while carrying Casey Martin's bag, the pro golfer who sued the PGA Tour for the right to ride a golf cart during tournaments (Martin suffers from a rare leg disorder that makes every step excruciatingly painful). Billionaire Donald Trump, comedian Bob Newhart, beautiful LPGA pro Jill McGill, Tom Lehman (there's a "Jimmy Stewart decency about him"), legendary gambler Dewey Tomko and blind golfer Bob Andrews round out the field and provide Reilly ample inspiration for a truly funny, don't-miss read.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Sports Illustrated columnist Reilly takes a page out of George Plimpton's book by going inside the ropes on the PGA Tour--not as a player, as Plimpton did briefly in the '60s (The Bogey Man), but as a caddy for some of golf's biggest names (Nicklaus, Duval, and Daly). Most of Reilly's "loops" (golf lingo for caddying) took place during practice rounds or Pro-Ams, but he did hoist the bags of Tom Lehman during an early round of an official tournament and of Tommy Aaron during the Masters. The result is both insightful and funny (Reilly made every mistake a caddy can make, from dropping clubs to instilling negative thoughts in his player's tender psyche). Along the way, Reilly gives golf fans a revealing look at the human side of tour players--not just their odd acts of kindness but, in the case of John Daly, a glimpse of what Reilly calls Long John's supersized penis! Reilly also looped for a few celebrities, including guru Deepak Chopra, whose on-course deportment is not nearly as tranquil as his image would suggest. Golf fans won't want to miss this one. Bill Ott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

1

THE MASTERS

Get Your Mouth off My Ball!

Having never caddied in my life, I needed a smallish place to start out, away from the spotlight, a podunk kind of tournament.

Naturally, I chose The Masters.

In front of thousands of people, in the greatest tournament in golf, I made my professional caddying debut, looping for 64-year-old Tommy Aaron, the 1973 champion. I think he'd tell you it went quite well, unless you count tiny, little nitpickings, such as my dropping the towel eleven times, the headcover four, the puttercover six, standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, standing in the right place at the wrong time, forgetting to give him his putter, his ball, his driver, being too close to him, being too far from him, letting the clubs clink too much as I walked, letting myself clink too much as I walked, the infamous "mouth" incident, and the awful, shameful thing that happened on No. 5 that none involved shall ever forget.

This was Friday. We were paired with "Sponge," who caddies for New Zealander Michael Campbell, and "Fanny" Sunneson, who won six majors with Nick Faldo and now is the bagwoman for Notah Begay, who hates me very much, despite the fact that I've never caddied for him.

Sponge and Fanny. Sounds like a British sex club.

I say, Nigel, didn't I see you last night at The Sponge and Fanny?

What happened was, Aaron hit a 3-iron at No. 5 into the left greenside bunker, then splashed out. I handed him his putter and then nervously set about my raking duties. The crowd was huge around that green, as they are around most Augusta greens, and nobody was ready to putt yet, so I could feel all the eyes on me. I had dropped my towel once already that day and had 500 people yell, "Caddy! Caddy! Towel!" as though I were President Bush's Secret Service agent and had dropped my gun. Caddy! Caddy! Uzi! So I knew they were watching. I raked as I have raked my own bunkers far too many times, climbed out, then placed the rake on the grass behind.

That's when I noticed Aaron staring at my rake job, then glancing at Fanny. Aaron nodded at her. She nodded back. Begay nodded. Sponge nodded back. For all I know, the huge crowd nodded. Only one of us had no idea what all the nodding was about. Suddenly, Fanny dashed over to the rake, picked it up, got back in the bunker, and did it again. Completely.

I was to suffer the ultimate caddy humiliation: Re-raked.

I was left with nothing to do but stand there and watch, humiliated. It was like a coach calling time-out in the middle of the Super Bowl and showing a quarterback how to put his hands under the center's butt.

And that's when I realized the horrible flaw in this book idea: Just because somebody "lets" you do something, doesn't mean you necessarily should go out and "do" it.

The fact that I, an absolute novice know-nothing, could get a bag and traipse my size 12s across the hallowed ground of Augusta National tells you how dangerously easy this whole idea was.

At the 2000 Masters, every past champion got a lifetime invitation, even if they were 111 years old. The rule has changed now, but then, it meant if Byron Nelson, then 89, felt like playing in next year's Masters, he could play. Naturally, since 1966, he has had the good sense not to.

Luckily, guys like 1957 champion Doug Ford (then 78) did not have good sense. He played every year until they made him stop in 2002. In the 2000 Masters, he went out there, threw a little 94 at them, and then withdrew. Meanwhile, a very good player sat home and bit his putter.

Naturally, figuring Ford was not exactly "counting" on winning and therefore might suffer an insufferable caddy and get in a book, I called him first.

"Mr. Ford," I began, "I'm doing a book on caddying and--"

"Already got a caddy," Ford snapped. "Had him for 25 years."

"Sure," I said, "but I was thinking, just this once, you might allow--"

Click.

May his bunions burst.

Finally, the agent for Aaron called back and said Aaron would let me caddy Wednesday only, as a tryout for the next year. Said we'd play nine holes and then the par-3 contest and that would give him an idea of exactly how horrible I was.

Yes!

I started researching Aaron, who, it turns out, is famous for three things: 1) Saving the Masters from having to put up with J. C. Snead every year by beating him by one shot in 1973; 2) Writing down an incorrect par "4" instead of a birdie "3" on the 17th hole for Sunday playing partner Roberto De Vicenzo in 1968. De Vicenzo signed the card anyway, causing him to keep that one-stroke higher score, causing him to miss his rightful spot in what would've been a two-man playoff with Bob Goalby, who was then declared the winner. When told of it, De Vicenzo did not blame Aaron. Instead he said, "What a 'stupid' I am." 3) Not being Hank Aaron's brother, though people ask him all the time anyway, despite the fact that the baseball Aarons are black and this golfing Aaron is white. ("No," Tommy tells them, "I'm taller.")

He'd played in 37 Masters, won the par-3 tournament one year with a five-under 22, and had missed more cuts than a drunk surgeon. However, in 2000, Aaron became the oldest player ever to make the cut--63 years, one month--when he shot 72-74-146, three under the cut, the first two days. Of course, he wound up dead last by five shots at 25-over, but still, on that Friday night, he was three shots better than Ollie, seven than Daly, and nine than Ben Crenshaw.

My man!

I reached him on his cellphone. "Meet me at the bag room at 7:30 sharp tomorrow morning," he said. "We'll play a practice round and then we'll play the par 3."

Having slept not at all, I was at the holy place by 7a.m., and by this I mean the Augusta caddyshack. It was a white brick building, with lockers, tables, a TV playing ESPN, and a little caddyshack grill where a huge black man cooks delicacies for the caddies, such as hamburger ($2), cheeseburger (also $2), soup (50 cents), and fries (50 cents). Of course, business was a little slow this week on account of--for Masters week only--a giant cake-display case being brought in and filled with pimento-cheese sandwiches, fruit, Gatorade, pop, and candy. Now who is going to pay a whole 50 cents for soup when you can get free pimento-cheese sandwiches?

I saw Pete Bender, who carried Ian Baker-Finch at the 1993 British Open--which tells you how good Bender is--and he said that Augusta is good, but the best caddy room in the free world is the Players Championship. "Oh, man, hot breakfasts, hot lunch, big-screen TV, couches," Bender said wistfully. Here's a guy carrying Rocco Mediate and probably making $100,000 a year, and he's thrilled at the idea of being able to actually eat a meal during his 10-hour workday. The worst, he said, was Arnold Palmer's tournament, Bay Hill. "They got nothin'. Zero. Not even a room to change in."

Shame, Arnie, shame.

I put on the classic all-white painter overalls with the green Masters hat they give you (free!). It's the classiest uniform in golf, with the player's number Velcroed on the left breast (I got No. 411--the defending champ's caddy always gets "1"), the Augusta logo on the right breast pocket, and the player's name on the back. Beautiful. Like a fool, I forgot to steal it when I was done.

I tried to ignore the sign that read, "Caddies are required to wear white flat-soled sneakers." All I had were black Softspiked golf shoes. This made me stand out like a bridesmaid in construction boots. Also, I found out later, on hot days, guys wear nothing but boxers underneath. There have been rumors of guys going "commando" under them, and I can only pray that: a) it isn't true and b) if it is true, I didn't get Fluff's old overalls.

They handed me a yardage book, which looked like Sanskrit. It made no sense, just numbers and swirls and acronyms. It must be how The New Yorker looks to an illiterate. I was standing there, looking like Rubik's twit brother, when Cubby, Davis Love's caddy, said, "Don't even bother, Rook, you'll never understand it."

Cubby is one of the great lads. When not caddying, he's always got the sports section in one hand and an unlit cigar in the mouth. His breakup with Brad Faxon was one of the most tragic in tour history--13 years together. But that's how it is. No alimony, no keeping the china. Just like that, everybody notices you're not lugging the old bag with you everywhere you go.

Cubby and Faxon used to be quite a pair. They had a language all their own. For yardages, for instance, Cubby would say, "OK, you got 123 plus Elway, and a little Reagan." Which meant, "You have 123 yards to the front of the green, plus another seven yards (Elway's jersey number) to the flagstick, with the wind throwing your ball a little to the right (Reagan's politics)." Or Cubby would say, "You got 214 (yards to the front) plus Michael (Jordan, which is 23 yards), and a little Clinton (wind going left)." What, you don't speak fluent Cubby?

Cubby has a jersey number for every conceivable yardage, but I always thought there were more they didn't use. For instance, what about: "You got 134 plus Hal (four, for the number of Hal Sutton's wives)," or "You got 189 plus O. J. (Simpson's two murders)," or "It's 201 plus Anna (Kournikova, a perfect 10)."

The yardages in the book were from every conceivable place you could think of--sprinkler heads, bushes, benches. You half expected to see distances marked to Martha Burk's offices written in. But there were also strange numbers way to the sides of the hole drawings accompanied by strange letters--like ICYFU: 219. And ICYRFU: 174. Cubby explained it to me. "ICYFU means 'In Case You Fuck Up.' And ICYRFU means 'In...

Edition details

• Publisher: Doubleday
• Publication date: 2003
• ISBN 10: 0385488858
• ISBN 13: 9780385488853
• Binding: Hardcover
• Language: English
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 272