We Have To Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women And Men - Hardcover

Bergman, Stephen; Shem, Samuel; Surrey, Janet

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0465080634 ISBN 13: 9780465080632

Publisher: Basic Books, 1998

Synopsis

We have to talk.” For many men, these are the four worst words in the English language, especially when they're uttered by a female partner. But it doesn't have to be that way, argue Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey in their pathbreaking and practical new book. Male relational dread” that all-too-familiar reaction set off by women's relational yearnings” can be tamed, and in its place can emerge true satisfaction for men and women.To demonstrate how this is done, Shem and Surrey take us behind the scenes of their popular workshops. We hear couples speak intimately about anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and sex. We watch them wrestle collectively with the gender divide in their relationships the deep disconnects, or impasses,” that reflect the vastly different developmental paths men and women have traveled. We see couples learn to bridge the poles of dread and yearning, to emerge from isolation into mutuality. We witness their moments of sadness, humor, and, ultimately, discovery.Filled with moving stories of real people struggling with real problems, We Have to Talk shatters the rules” and offers dramatic proof that men and women are not from different planets after all. It is certain to be seen as the relationship book for the new millennium.

About this title

Review:

Most popular books about relationships stress gender differences: We're from different planets, we don't understand each other, our words have different meanings, and so forth. This book asserts that we can understand our differences and get past them, replacing isolation with connection in a healthy, growth-fostering relationship. The authors call this "getting to 'we.'"

Shem and Surrey have worked with more than 20,000 men, women, boys, and girls. We hear workshop participants using "gender dialogue": asking questions to aid in understanding and reconnecting, such as "Name three strengths the other gender group brings to relationships," "What do you most want to understand about the other gender group?", and "What do you most want the other gender group to understand about you?"

"Disconnections between men and women are inevitable--no one ever gets it right the first time, or all the time," say the authors. "It's not only what you do that matters, it's what you do next." This book gives insights into our differences--such as men's "relational dread" and women's "relational yearning," and how to move past conflict to collaboration. The chapter "How Couples Grow" is invaluable, describing a detailed process to work through impasses and rediscover the "we" in your relationship. --Joan Price

About the Author:

Samuel Shem, M.D., (the pen name of Dr. Stephen J. Bergman) and Janet Surrey, Ph.D., are on the faculties of the Harvard Medical School and the Stone Center at Wellesley College. They lecture frequently and conduct workshops and gender dialogues, most recently working with children in public and private schools to create a true coeducation. Samuel Shem is the bestselling author of the novels The House of God, Fine, and Mount Misery, and, with Janet Surrey, the play Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Janet Surrey is the co-author of Women's Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center. The authors live in Newton, MA. Samuel Shem, M.D., (the pen name of Dr. Stephen J. Bergman) and Janet Surrey, Ph.D., are on the faculties of the Harvard Medical School and the Stone Center at Wellesley College. They lecture frequently and conduct workshops and gender dialogues, most recently working with children in public and private schools to create a true coeducation. Samuel Shem is the bestselling author of the novels The House of God, Fine, and Mount Misery, and, with Janet Surrey, the play Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Janet Surrey is the co-author of Women's Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center. The authors live in Newton, MA.

About this edition

• Publisher: Basic Books
• Publication date: 1998
• ISBN 10: 0465080634
• ISBN 13: 9780465080632
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 240