BABIES ARE LIKE BLOSSOMS: Beautiful Flowers in the Garden of Life - Hardcover

Lanese, Janet

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0684862166 ISBN 13: 9780684862163

Publisher: Fireside, 2000

Synopsis

Features observations, poems, and words of advice on childbirth, raising a daughter or a son, infant care, and related topics, as well as reflections on how to recognize and embrace the joys of parenthood.

About this title

About the Author:

Janet Lanese combines multiple careers as a real estate broker, a cohostess for a local television program, a writer, and a mother. She lives in Castro Valley, California.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

A Labor of Love

The family you come from isn't as important as
the family you're going to have.
Ring Lardner

Cravings: in which we discover that an insane desire for
a peanut butter, pickle, and Hershey Bar sandwich on
date nut bread is absolutely nothing to be alarmed about.
Peter Mayle

I like trying (to get pregnant). I'm not so sure about childbirth.
Lauren Holly

Familiarity breeds children.
Mark Twain

What is more thrilling than hearing your unborn child's
heartbeat for the first time?
Janet Lanese

There is no economy in going to bed early to
save electricity if the results be twins.
Chinese proverb

Babies are such a nice way to start people.
Don Herold

Have you ever noticed that most expectant mothers glow with a beautiful radiance?
Janet Lanese

What kind of a mother would rather be rich
and thin than pregnant?
Erma Bombeck

Life does not begin with conception, but when the kids leave home, and the dog dies.
Russ James

Just think of pregnancy as having company
inside your stomach.
Anonymous

THE POSITIVES OF PREGNANCY
The perfect excuse for a new wardrobe.
No more exhausting Jazzercise classes.
People offer a seat to you on public transportation (sometimes!).
You can have your favorite food without guilt.
An extended vacation from your outside job. Ha!
You suddenly have major cleavage.
You get to take catnaps throughout the day.
People put up with your sudden mood swings (maybe).
Your mate starts babying you (when he's in the mood).
Your friends and relatives give you baby showers where
you are gifted with delicious baby things.
Janet Lanese

Have children while your parents are still young enough
to take care of them.
Rita Rudner

How can a small child tell if his mother is pregnant?
His parents begin to spell things!
Janet Lanese

Childbirth:
The epidural was better than the sex that got me there.
Caryl Kristensen

I didn't know how babies were made until
I was pregnant with my fourth child.
Loretta Lynn

Making the decision to have a child -- it's momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go
walking around outside your body.
Elizabeth Stone

The greatest fantasy many pregnant women have during
that time when the imagination seems particularly ripe is that
of a fairy godmother called childcare.
Alice Kahn

My mother asked me what would I like best, a brother or a sister?
I told her to forget about a baby and buy me a puppy.
Jamie, age eight

I feel sure that unborn babies pick their parents.
Gloria Swanson

Sign on maternity clothes shop:
WE'RE OPEN LABOR DAY
Sign on hospital maternity ward door:
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
Anonymous

Most of the new mothers I know miss
being pregnant. That was the easy part.
Janet Lanese

Childbirth classes neglect to teach
one critical skill. How to breathe, count, and
swear all at the same time.
Linda Filterman

When the doctor asked me if I wanted
a bikini cut for my Cesarean section, I said,
"No! A bikini and a
wine cooler is why I'm lying here now."
Kim Tavares

HYSTERICAL PREGNANT PATIENT:
"Doctor, my water just broke! What should I do?"
Doctor:
"Well, you can start by getting off my new couch!"
Janet Lanese

YOUNG HUSBAND:
"Why don't you look like you did when we got married?"
DISGUSTED WIFE:
"Because I'm 8 1?2 months pregnant, silly. That's why!"
Anonymous

Having a baby is like
trying to push a grand piano
through a transom.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth

The trouble with children is
that they're not returnable.
Quentin Crisp

When I was giving birth, the nurse asked,
"Still think blondes have more fun?"
Joan Rivers

Hard labor: A redundancy, like "working mother."
Joyce Armour

Childbirth is more admirable than conquest,
more amazing than self-defense,
and as courageous as either one.
Gloria Steinem

If Men Gave Birth...
They would demand twelve months' maternity leave with full pay and benefits.
All sexual activity would cease for the next nine months.
They would advocate marriage and monogamy.
Birth control classes would be mandatory in kindergarten.
Women would be shopping at 3 a.m. for ice cream and pickles.
A pill would be available to prevent multiple births.
Paternity suits would be designer business attire.
Natural childbirth would be replaced by laughing gas and megadoses of morphine.
Briefcases would be plastic lined and come in pink and blue.
Nautilus would introduce gym equipment for postnatal workouts.
All babies would be bottle-fed.
Federally subsidized nannies would provide twenty-four-hour child care until the baby is potty-trained.
The first words out of every baby's mouth would be "Da da!"
Janet Lanese

If men had babies, maternity leave would be in the Bill of Rights.
Corky Sherwood Forrest

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield

A babe at the breast is as much pleasure as the bearing is pain.
Marion Zimmer Bradley

I had a Jewish delivery: they knock you out with the first pain;
they wake you up when the hairdresser shows.
Joan Rivers

There is no privacy about a birth.
Margaret Mead

I'd be happy to stand next to any man I know in
one of those labor rooms the size of a Volkswagen truck
and whisper, "No, dear, you don't really need the Demerol,
just relax and do your second-stage breathing."
Anna Quindlen

My mother groan'd,
My father wept,
Into the dangerous world
I leapt.
William Blake

About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates
in favor o' the plain people is the stork.
Kin Hubbard

If newborns could remember and speak, they would emerge
from the womb carrying tales as wondrous as Homer's.
Newsweek

Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell, the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

Blessed are the young for they shall
inherit the national debt.
Herbert Hoover

When you want a child,
you have a lot to hope for.
When you have a child,
you have a lot to live for.
Jan Blaustone

NEW FATHER:
"The birth of a baby costs thousands!"
NURSE:
"Sure, but it's worth it. Look at how long they last!"
Anonymous

To my embarrassment I was born
in bed with a lady.
Wilson Mizner

There are two things in this life for which we are
never fully prepared, and that is twins.
Josh Billings

The birth of a child erases all previous marital agreements.
Susan Cheever

You can sort of be married, you can sort of be divorced, you can sort of be living together, but you can't sort of have a baby.
David Shire

Being able to have the childbirth experience you want is
powerful and meaningful. The feeling that you can achieve
great things extends into all other aspects of your life.
Judith Zimmer

In creating a child, we invest all that we are in a future.
Paul Brenner

Have you noticed there are more
multiple births than ever before? Is it fertility drugs or,
with such an unsettled world,
are babies afraid to come out alone?
Janet Lanese

Yes, having a child is surely the most beautifully
irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Bill Cosby

We begin life with loss. We are cast from the womb
without an apartment, a charge plate, a job, or a car.
Judith Viorst

Birth is love made visible.
Paul Brenner

A baby is the little rivet in the
bonds of matrimony.
Anonymous

Of all the joys that lighten suffering
on earth, what joy is welcomed
like a newborn child?
Caroline Norton

You should study not only
that you become a mother when
your child is born, but also
that you become a child.
Do-gen

Every baby born comes with a link to the past,
and a promise for the future.
Janet Lanese

Life began waking up and loving my mother's face.
George Eliot

You were courted and got married in the magic world,
but you had your baby in the real one.
Bess Streeter Aldrich

For any normal woman in normal circumstances, there is
bound to be a special excitement and joy and gratitude
to God when she holds her first baby in her arms.
Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

It sometimes happens even in the best families that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.
Elinor Goulding Smith

Newborn twins go through eighteen diapers a day.
Don't you feel better already?
Jan Blaustone

The birth of every new baby is God's vote
of confidence in the future of man.
Imogene Fey

My mommy told me the baby needs
to be treated tenderly. She's soft in the head.
Michael, age six

Here's a motto for all breast-feeding mothers -- there's a little sucker born every minute -- thanks for the mammaries.
Dominic Cleary

We just happen to like children.
Frances Bless on the birth of her eighteenth child

When I was born, I was so surprised,
I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen

Why don't babies come with step-by-step instructions?
Jeffrey, age eight

Twins: Womb-mates.
Kay Francis
In the sheltered simplicity of the first days
after a baby is born,
one sees again the magical closed circle.
The miraculous sense
of two people existing for each other.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Now the first thing about having a baby --
and I can't be the first person to
have noticed this -- is that
thereafter you have it.
Jean Kerr

The moment you have children yourself,
you forgive your parents everything.
Susan Hill

My Baby
Baby...MyBaby
God gave you to me
You look like your Daddy
And a little like me

I carefully count
All your fingers and toes
Yes...I think
You have Grandma's nose

I have loved you
So very much
Even before
That very first touch

Even from
That very first kick
Even though
I felt...oh so sick

I loved you when
My belly was fat
I would rub it
And give you a pat

This love I feel
For you inside
Flows deep as a river
And just as wide

A love that's pure
Binding and true
A love that transcends
All...I once knew

Baby...Mybaby
Now you are here
I'll always love you
So never fear

Your life has a plan
You're a part of mine too
Joys and sorrows
We'll both walk through

But when we are older
And live far apart
Baby...My baby
You'll be...In my heart

For my daughter
Love, Mom
L. S. Alvarez 7/17/98

Copyright © 2000 by Janet Lanese

About this edition

• Publisher: Fireside
• Publication date: 2000
• ISBN 10: 0684862166
• ISBN 13: 9780684862163
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 128