Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens (STEP) - Softcover

Don Dinkmeyer, Sr.; Gary D. McKay; Joyce L. McKay; Don Dinkmeyer Jr.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0785414681 ISBN 13: 9780785414681

Publisher: Ags Pub, 1998

Synopsis

Parents know the challenges of raising teenagers. This popular STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) guide is filled with easy-to-understand-and-apply skills that helps parents connect with teens and deal with their "issues." From the STEP/teen program, with practical guidance on social pressure, dating, grades, career plans, and alcohol, tobacco, and drug abuse prevention. This handbook is an excellent choice for parents who want to improve their relationship with teens.

About this title

From the Back Cover

SEE FOR YOURSELF why so many parents use PARENTING TEENAGERS. As a parent, you know the challenge of raising a family -- especially with teenagers. One of the country's most popular guides, PARENTING TEENAGERS, can help you meet those challenges. It's filled with easy-to-understand skills that can help you connect with your teens today.

Topics include: --Understanding Yourself and Your Teenager --Changing Your Response to Your Teen --Communicating Respect and Encouragement --Encouraging Cooperation and Solving Problems --Using Consequences to Build Responsibility --Deciding What to Do: Parts 1 and 2

"As a substance abuse prevention specialist, I really appreciate the chapter focus on alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. It is encouraging to support parent involvement in community groups." --Barbara Browe Prevention Director/CARE Clinton Township, MI

"Examples are real-life situations that parents in my community can relate to." --Doug Haugsby Information Services Support Supervisor Sanford, FL

"Each chapter lays the foundation for the next in perfect order and includes important topics like suicide, body image, etc." --Ellen Borowka, M.A. Counselor Santa Monica, CA

"It is simple, clear, but not condescending." Andrea Rothenberg Director, Health Education New York, NY

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

FROM CHAPTER ONE WHAT STYLE OF PARENTING WILL HELP ME MEET MY GOAL? The way you relate to your teenager is your parenting style. There are many styles of parenting. The three most common are giving orders, giving in, and giving choices.

Few people follow one style to the extreme. But each of us uses one approach more than the others. As you read, think about your own parenting style. Ask yourself: --How will my style help me meet the challenge of parenting? --What can I change to help me and my teen? GIVING ORDERS Some parents think teenagers can be forced to obey. These parents think family life will improve if they "get tough" and make sure teens follow their orders. Sometimes the parents yell or hit. This style of parenting is often called authoritarian. Parents who use this style tend to criticize their teenagers. They demand and threaten. They use punishment or rewards to control. They remind and nag. They get too involved in homework. They don't trust or respect their teens. What Do Teens Learn? When a parent gives orders, teens respond in different ways. Some get angry and rebel in areas we can't control -- like friends, smoking, school, drugs, or sex. Then the parent and teen have a power struggle. One or the other may "win" for a while. But respect is lost. The relationship suffers.

Sometimes teens with an authoritarian parent become very discouraged. These teens believe the parent is "right," so the teen must be "wrong." They don't want to be criticized. So they may try to please the parent. They do exactly what the parent wants. On the surface, this kind of family life may look ideal. After all, the teenager is well behaved! The parent seems to have won the power struggle. But the price of winning is too high. Teenagers lose their self-respect and don't learn to think for themselves. --The authoritarian method doesn't help build trust or respect. --It doesn't offer freedom or responsibility. --It doesn't teach teenagers to think for themselves. GIVING IN Some parents think it's natural for teens to rebel. They accept that teenagers are hard to live with. These parents think the best approach is to stay out of a teen's way. They give in, letting their teens do whatever they want.

Giving in is also called permissive parenting. Permissive parents avoid conflict at all costs. They feel powerless to deal with problems like drug abuse, teen sex, vandalism, and disrespect for authority. They decide that they have no way to keep these things from happening with their teenager.

Some parents feel guilty. They may work a lot and seldom see their teenagers. They may be divorced, or in a new marriage. They may believe they have to make things up to their children. So they don't want to deal with problems.

Giving in like this takes away respect from both parents and teens. Teens seem unable to control themselves, cooperate, or change. Parents seem helpless, unable to do their job as a parent. What Do Teens Learn? Teens often see giving in as a sign of weakness. Then they seem to have an excuse for rebelling or showing disrespect. They can be quick to grab this power.

For a while, teens may feel good about being allowed to do whatever they want. But not for very long. When a parent gives in, teens sense that the parent doesn't respect them. Then they find it hard to respect themselves. --Having no limits at all won't help teenagers learn to get along with others. --It won't help them learn responsibility. --It won't help them feel good about themselves. GIVING CHOICES What approach to parenting will help us guide teenagers to be responsible? Consider a democratic style. A democratic style balances rights and responsibilities. It aims to help teenagers become responsible by: --showing respect --giving them opportunities to make decisions The democratic style gives teens their say, but not always their way. Respect Is Important Our job as a parent is to provide guidance and discipline for our teenagers. But we also have a responsibility to treat our teens with respect.

Parents often complain that their teens do not respect them. Yet many times, adults show teens a lack of respect. How? They nag, yell, hit, or talk down. They may do things for teens that teens can do for themselves. Being too permissive or following a double standard is also disrespectful.

In a democratic family, no one is considered more or less important than anyone else. You show respect when you treat your teenager like an equal. --Does this mean that you are both the same? No. You have more life experiences than your teenager. You have more responsibilities. But both you and your teen are human beings. You both deserve respect. --Does it mean that your teenager can tell you what to do? Does it mean that your teen doesn't need discipline? No. Your job is to guide your teenager respectfully. Teens Need to Learn to Make Decisions Teenagers are becoming adults. They must learn to make decisions. They need practice making choices and living with the results of their choices. Our giving orders doesn't help teenagers learn to do this. Neither does giving in. What Do Teens Learn? As parents stop trying to control their teenagers, teens begin to change. But change doesn't happen overnight, and things may get worse before they get better. As parents who once gave in begin to show an interest, teens feel more respected and loved. Slowly, teenagers will be able to trust their parents more. These changes won't come overnight. But with time, teenagers are likely to begin to act more responsibly.

Edition details

• Publisher: Ags Pub
• Publication date: 1998
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0785414681
• ISBN 13: 9780785414681
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 160