How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People - Softcover

Ni, Preston C.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0808765809 ISBN 13: 9780808765806

Publisher: Allyn & Bacon, 1999

Synopsis

How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People is an extremely practical communication manual on communication and conflict resolution skills.

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Staying Cool/The True Nature Behind Difficult and Aggressive Behavior. When dealing with a very difficult or aggressive person, remember that even if you are confrontational on the outside, stay cool on the inside. When we see a person being difficult or acting aggressively, we often recognize external characteristics such as anger, excessive need for control and power, arrogance, manipulation, and defensiveness. On the outside, these expressions might seem intimidating and suppressing, as they are meant to be. But when we look deeper into the true nature of such behaviors, we will find that underneath the intimidating and difficult exterior, and behind all the hostile energy, is a set of much more vulnerable emotions. * Behind excessive, compulsive, or pathological anger, we often find a person whose inner life has sadness, pain, or grief.
* Behind excessive and overbearing manifestations of control, manipulation, power, and arrogance, we commonly find a person who on the inside feels fearful, insecure, or inadequate.
* Behind excessive defensiveness, we commonly find an inner vulnerability.
Most people who are chronically difficult and/or aggressive do so because they have one or more of these vulnerable "core" emotions on the inside. The core emotions usually have something to do with certain negative experiences from the past. To the extent that a person is unable to face up and deal with his negative experiences, he can sometimes, unconsciously, decide to lash out at others in order to bring a sense of equanimity with his inner fear and pain. By hurting others through aggressive behavior, an aggressive person gets to feel better about him or herself, with the twisted satisfaction that someone else is also suffering. As the old saying goes: "misery loves company". In this twisted way an aggressors innermost feelings are validated, and he gets to feel better about himself and his own inner suffering. "When you get angry, Hell is born. Anger makes you suffer a lot, and not only do you suffer, but the people you love also suffer at the same time. "

-Thich Nhat Hanh "Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others. "

-Paramhansa Yogananda Many excessively difficult and aggressive people are too afraid to be willing to look within and uncover the unpleasant origins of their behavior. It's much easier to hurt others than to examine the true nature of one's own suffering. Why stay cool in the face of a difficult person? When you lose your cool and get emotional on the inside, you play right into the hands of the aggressor, for you have allowed that person to pull your emotion like a puppet on strings. You give that person the satisfaction of knowing that he or she can have power over you. The aggressor takes delight in seeing you suffer. When you lose your cool, you become weaker because you are reactive to the aggressor's provocation. You allow your "buttons" to be pushed, and in the process you either sink to the level of the person you're dealing with, or you leave yourself wide open to an aggressor's intimidation, manipulation, and exploitation. Stay cool. Don't let others' negative emotions or aggressive behavior get to you.

Edition details

• Publisher: Allyn & Bacon
• Publication date: 1999
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0808765809
• ISBN 13: 9780808765806
• Binding: Mass Market Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 64