The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your LIfe - Softcover

Goodman, Karon Phillips

Softcover

ISBN 10: 096673937X ISBN 13: 9780966739374

Publisher: Equilibrium Pr, 2002

Synopsis

Nearly two out of three re-marriages that come with children fail; this book will help your new family succeed! It's essential reading for every woman who is navigating her way through stepfamily life.

Karon Phillips Goodman's new family went through some difficult times, but once she changed her approach to stepmothering, her family began to thrive. Now, mixing compassion and gentle humor, Karon shares those hard-earned lessons. She shows stepmoms that they can simplify their lives by focusing their precious time and energy on the things they can control and letting go of the rest. You'll learn how to:

* Turn unrealistic expectations into achievable ones
* Understand the obligations you have and don't have
* Get your stepchildren to respect your authority
* Use four powers to simplify your relationships
* Set goals for your family, and for yourself
* Communicate effectively with your family
* Use three simple techniques to build a wonderful future

Includes Karon's real-life experiences and "Tales from the Blender¨ by more than two dozen other stepmoms. Plus an extensive resource list and a bibliography.

About this title

About the Author:

Karon Phillips Goodman is a freelance journalist, author, and stepmom who frequently writes on stepfamily issues. She writes a newsletter, The Stepparenting Journey, and a monthly column, "The Stepmom's Sideroom," on Momscape.com. She has been a frequent contributor to Bride Again magazine. Karon's work has appeared in Woman's Day, Writer's Digest, The Writing Parent, Women's Circle, and many other publications and websites.

Karon is the author of a best-selling e-book for stepmothers, "It's Not My Stepkids, It's Their Mom!" (EquiLibrium Press).

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Foreword

Well, now you've really gone and done it. Just when you thought you had a clue about how to handle your life, you went and jumped in up to your neck.

You’ve married a man you love even more than long-lasting hair color. At the same time, you’ve become a parent to another woman’s children, whether they welcome you or not. You now have more relatives than you know what to do with, and just getting through a weekend requires a Ph.D. in strategic planning. Welcome to the world of the stepmother and second wife (and perhaps also mother and ex-wife). With all of these roles to fill, you've stopped trying to be Super Woman. You'll settle for being Sane Woman. Even that seems a lofty goal, considering the way you've complicated your life.

When you enter into a stepfamily, you become part of one of the most challenging kinds of family relationships. Your mind, your spirit, your patience, and your strength are tested time after time. As you overcome hurdles and sidestep hazards day in and day out, your life starts to feel like an endless obstacle course. Believe me, I know. This book grows out of my experiences in a stepfamily that has seen both good days and bad, one that has survived the many traumas that come with the territory. I come to you humbled but enlightened, offering any help that I can give.

The words of wisdom that I wish to share weren’t bequeathed from above as I sat meditating in the pristine quiet of early morning. No, I come to you as a battered soldier, one who has earned her stripes, thank you very much. I learned about stepfamily life the hard way. Sometimes I went into battle timidly—which was about as effective as waving a fly swatter at a grizzly bear. At other times I was merciless, as if pointing an assault rifle at a dandelion.

I struggled and cried and complained and contemplated felonies, until I came to the remarkable conclusion that I would be much happier—not to mention stay out of divorce court—if I somehow could simplify my life instead of complicating it more. I realized that the very quality of my life depended on finding a better way to meet its challenges, and I was determined to find a simpler path.

With that one decision, I regained all of the sanity and power I thought I had lost forever. I finally was able to focus on growth and possibilities, instead of loss and regret. If you, too, have surveyed the colossal pile of challenges that awaits you each day and longed for a simpler life, please read on. If you have lost control of your life since you remarried, or if you fear that will happen, take heart. You, too, can overcome. You can successfully tackle the debris that lies knee-deep around you—the loss and the fear, the doubt and the pain. I know how overwhelming it can be, and I hope that you will find help, strength, and guidance here.

If you make the choice to simplify the parts of your life that you can control, and then manage them well, there not only is hope—there is a great probability that your stepfamily will succeed. If you are able to experience the rewards and blessings of stepmothering that sometimes are hard to uncover, this book will have served its purpose. Before we get started, a few words of explanation: A stepfamily is a group of unrelated people brought together by one very brave couple. Sometimes in this book, I refer to these unions as "blended families." Even though we know that perfect blending isn’t possible in any stepfamily, I believe that your family can come together and share common goals and mutual respect. You can become more one family than two as each day passes. For that reason, I have chosen to alternate among the terms "family," "stepfamily," and "blended family." Second, my focus is on the stepmom because she often is the spouse who is caught in the middle of almost everything that happens in her family. She is hearth and home, yet she keeps time to another mom’s schedule. She is nurse and nurturer, yet she is neither first nor favorite. However devoted she may be to her stepchildren, her embrace of them is interrupted by another mom’s grasp. Although many dads in a stepfamily also are acutely aware of the difficulties, it is the stepmom who usually must deal with them so intimately, and for that reason this book is addressed to her.

About this edition

• Publisher: Equilibrium Pr
• Publication date: 2002
• ISBN 10: 096673937X
• ISBN 13: 9780966739374
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 193