No Cats, No Chocolate - Softcover

Kuhlken, Ken; Russell, Alan

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0975904701 ISBN 13: 9780975904701

Publisher: Hickey's Books, 2004

Synopsis

If Hollywood needs another reality show (Heaven forbid), they might consider the Ken and Alan show.

Ken Kuhlken and Alan Russell are mystery writers. The two of them have written over a dozen critically acclaimed novels, and yet neither has become a household word. A few years back they had the idea of doing an "international" book tour together, and naturally everything went to hell. Their hilarious book Road Kill documented their journey to the heart of darkness.

Just when they had sworn off any more road trips, the two of them received the invitation they couldn't refuse: guest spots on the Oprah show. No Cats, No Chocolate reports on their misadventures in pursuing the writers’ Holy Grail of fame and fortune.

"It is On the Road meets Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," boasts Russell.

Kuhlken promises, "This signed limited edition will be worth a fortune once the thousand copies are sold out. Anybody who passes up the chance to buy it must be loco."

About this title

About the Author

Ken Kuhlken Exposed, by Alan Russell.

Because he paid out substantial bribe money, Ken's first novel Midheaven was nominated for the Ernest Hemingway Award, one of those literary things that's supposed to be a big deal. Kuhlken continued to spread graft around, which is why he won St. Martin's Best Private Eye contest with his book The Loud Adios. 
Never content to do things the normal way, Kuhlken decided to write a prequel to The Loud Adios with his book The Venus Deal. And then, to confuse all five of his readers even more, Kuhlken wrote the concluding book of the trilogy, The Angel Gang. And then he keeps going. Now there are seven, all published out of order. What kind of trilogy is that?
Ken likes expensive Scotch but only drinks it when his generous friend Alan buys it for him. There's no truth to the rumor that anthropologist Margaret Mead had a stroke while trying to make sense of one of Ken's familial stories, but Mother Teresa did die shortly after trying to impart a blessing upon him (God had to let her know she overstepped her bounds).  
About Alan Russell, by Ken Kuhlken. 

Alan was once a promising writer.  He claims Publisher’s Weekly said of his novel Exposure, "Russell shows he’s one of the best writers in the mystery field today." And the New York Times allegedly stated, "Mr. Russell has a gift for dialogue." The Los Angeles Times called him a "rara avis," whatever that means. The San Diego Union Tribune dubbed his writing "Spectacular!" He probably plays basketball with the reviewer.
Political Suicide, his suspense novel, is Russell at his best, since he’ has finally taken on a subject about which he knows something, which is eating in fancy restaurants on somebody else’s dime. I regret that his career may be over, as he becomes more erratic every day.

Review

Reserve a Special Place in your House! "Some books have a revered spot on yourbookshelves. I have another spot in mind for this book, the place where I put all books written by Kuhlken and Russell. It's going right next to the spare roll on the shelf behind the toilet." - Michael Connelly, bestselling author of The Lincoln Lawyer

"I have seen many bad auras but never seen such dark clouds as hover over Kuhlken and Russell." -- Martha Lawrence, bestselling author of Ashes of Aires

"May Kuhlken and Russell fall into a wormhole and end up on the other side of a distant galaxy." -- David Brin, bestselling author of The Postman

In a League of their Own! "I have associated with bikers, and outlaws, and drug addled psychopaths. Let me tell you, those desperados are nothing compared to Kuhlken and Russell. When it comes to creepiness, these two are in a league of their own." - Barbara Seranella, bestselling author of No Human Involved.

About this edition

• Publisher: Hickey's Books
• Publication date: 2004
• ISBN 10: 0975904701
• ISBN 13: 9780975904701
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 116