The Problem Was Me: How to End Negative Self-Talk and Take Your Life to a New Level - Softcover

Gagliano, Thomas

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0982650574 ISBN 13: 9780982650578

Publisher: Gentle Path Press, 2011

Synopsis

The Father's Day message in this book is loud and clear: As parents we are our children's first heroes, whether we want the responsibility or not.

One of the most powerful messages I ever received came from my nine year old son. While watching a baseball game on television, my son asked me why the kids in the stands were so excited. I said some baseball players are heroes to the children. I suggested that someday one of those players might be his hero. My son paused and said to me, "They may be my hero someday, but you will always be my first hero." I was so touched, I could not reply. As parents we are our children's first heroes, whether we want the responsibility or not.
-excerpt from page 42 from The Problem Was Me

Author Tom Gagliano shares his insights on healing from destructive behaviors and finding peace and spirituality. The book includes tools that he gained while recovering from his own personal struggle with negative and compulsive behavior. According to Gagliano and his co-author, Abraham Twerski, many of the common problems people face are brought on by unhealed childhood wounds. Throughout the book, Gagliano provides some very candid examples of how some of his childhood experiences resulted in unresolved feelings:

“I never accepted criticism well. Whenever someone disagreed with me, I’d get defensive. It felt like I was being ridiculed. I am still dealing with childhood wounds and insecurity. Although my wife loved me very much, I did not love myself. By failing to accept my own weaknesses, I could not allow myself to be loved by anyone. I felt undeserving of that love.” This is an example of a psychological maneuver called transference, according to Dr. Twerski, who states, “A person may transfer feelings that were appropriate toward person A to person B.”

Gagliano further explains how he sought treatment to gain control over the little voice inside his head that was always telling him that he did not deserve to be happy – which he refers to as “the warden.” According to Gagliano, the warden is a powerful force that sabotages lives by encouraging destructive behaviors, such as addictive behaviors, and discouraging happiness and healing.

This book is certainly very suitable for those who are battling addictions, since as the author points out: “Some addicts who have been sober for a long time may continue to lead tormented, angry lives.” The author shares applicable case studies and helpful tips and suggestions throughout the book, including: how to get the most out of a support group; help for struggling couples; how to conduct a personal self-examination by taking personal inventories; and how to reconnect with one’s parents.

However, it should not be written off as a book simply for those who are suffering from addiction, as it has a much broader application. In the introduction, the author includes a list of questions the reader should ask him or herself to determine whether or not this book could be of help. Basically, this book could be helpful to anyone who wants to break the cycle of self-defeating thoughts and self-destructive behaviors.

About this title

About the Author

Thomas Gagliano is a highly motivated and successful entrepreneur with a proven track record in small business ventures. Gagliano has also been a high profile leader in addiction and self-help therapy, developing unique methods and procedures which have helped numerous institutions and individuals in the greater New York area. His methods have been embraced by a number of institutions, including the Counseling Center in Princeton, the Chabad Chai Center in East Brunswick and St. Ambrose Parish (RC) in Old Bridge. He is a graduate of Seton Hall University and has a bachelor's degree in marketing. Today he is back at school, attending Rutgers University and completing a Masters degree in social work.
Abraham J. Twerski, MD, author of "Addictive Personality" and numerous other books, has been referred to as "Pittsburgh's most famous psychiatrist." After serving several years as a pulpit rabbi, Dr. Twerski entered Marquette University Medical School in Milwaukee and completed his psychiatric training at the University of Pittsburgh Medical School. He has served as medical director of psychiatry at Pittsburgh's St. Francis Hospital, and in 1972 founded the Gateway Rehabilitation Center for treatment of alcohol and drug addiction. He was the medical director of Gateway for 30 years, and is currently medical director emeritus. He is the author of numerous books on addiction, self-esteem and spirituality. Dr. Twerski collaborated with Charles Schulz, creator of the "Peanuts" cartoon strip, on four books. Dr. Twerski has lectured world-wide as well as in many cities in the United States.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

One of the most powerful messages I ever received came from my nine year old son. While watching a baseball game on television, my son asked me why the kids in the stands were so excited. I said some baseball players are heroes to the children. I suggested that someday one of those players might be his hero. My son paused and said to me, "They may be my hero someday, but you will always be my first hero." I was so touched, I could not reply. As parents we are our children's first heroes, whether we want the responsibility or not.
-page 42 from the The Problem Was Me

Throughout The Problem Was Me, I refer to the warden, an imaginary person with a bat, who sat on my shoulder. Whenever someone made me feel defective, he would come out swinging. The Warden instilled in me a peculiar definition of intimacy. Intimacy meant pain, and should be avoided. The Warden was trying to protect me from getting too close to anyone. This imaginary guy on my shoulder has been with me a long time, as far back as I can remember. His motive for using the bat is to take a swing at me should I ever get the idea that I deserve to be happy or if I stumble and make a mistake. He permits me no margin for error.
The warden becomes the little voice inside our heads that won’t go away. The little voice keeps us imprisoned by reminding us of the intrusive messages we received in childhood over and over again. Childhood wounds are reopened, isolating us from others. In many ways, we play roles in our lives that can bring harmful consequences to others and to ourselves. We wear masks to hide who we really are. The little voice makes us feel ashamed and unworthy. We become self-centered causing us to feel that we have the right to something regardless of the harm it causes others. We call this destructive entitlement.
The warden’s voice inside our head repeats that we do not deserve to be happy. His voice leads us to sabotage happiness when it comes our way. He is so powerful that even though he imprisons us to destructive roles in our lives, we listen to him. The Warden keeps us emotionally shackled and orders us to keep our doors locked, so no one can enter. This book provides the key to unlocking the locked door and allowing happiness into our lives.

Edition details

• Publisher: Gentle Path Press
• Publication date: 2011
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0982650574
• ISBN 13: 9780982650578
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 290