A New Normal: Learning to Live with Grief and Loss - Softcover

Darlene F. Cross; M.S.; M.F.T.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0984344101 ISBN 13: 9780984344109

Publisher: Darlene F. Cross, M.S., M.F.T., Inc., 2010

Synopsis

A New Normal invites you behind the closed doors of private counseling, where grief and loss have long been been the focus of healing. Whether you or a loved one are dealing with loss through death, loss of a relationship, loss of a job, or the loss of youth or health, this book offers understanding and hope. Here is a clear, proven road map to life after loss, the road to each reader's own New Normal.

About this title

About the Author

Darlene Cross holds a M.S. degree in Counseling from U.N.L.V. and is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Henderson, Nevada, where she works with individuals, couples and families. Cross made a mid-life professional transition in 1996 from a 17-year career as a Human Resources professional with General Electric into the world of mental health and small business. She continues to provide business and career coaching services for individuals, family and small businesses.

From the Back Cover

[This book] is the next best thing to attending a support group--weaving
real stories of real people throughout the text. Cross writes in a way that
is reassuring and hopeful to anyone who is grieving a significant loss.
l Patti Anewalt, PhD, LPC, FT
Loss...
Everyone experiences loss. The pain of loss--whether it is the loss
of a friend or loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job,
or the loss of youth or health--can bring disabling feelings of helplessness,
despair, numbness, and disorientation to almost anyone.
A New Normal invites you behind the closed doors of private
counseling, where grief and loss have long been the focus of healing.
Darlene Cross shares real examples from her years of experience helping
grieving people understand and overcome their wounds and feel
whole again. It provides answers and solutions for those who want to
reclaim a normal life for themselves and the people close to them.
For those struggling with loss as well as professionals in the field, this
resource is a must.
l Gary Gardia, MEd, LCSW, CT
...a sincere, insightful view into the private world of grief and an
understanding of the grieving process.
l Julie Hughes
With her years of professional experience, Cross puts us in the moment
of grief with hope and compassion. This book is for the clinician and lay
public alike.
l Michael R. Madow, MD, FAPA
...[this] book...will give the reader a better understanding of their
reactions to the traumatic experience of loss. [It] leaves you with the
knowledge that you will be okay--and what a gift that is for us all.
l Kathy Morgan

From the Inside Flap

CONTENTS
Introduction . 11
Chapter 1: Making the Grief Process Work for You 13
Am I Normal? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Ann's Story--Did Ann Fail Her Loved One? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Stages, Formulas, and Blueprints--BEWARE! . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Grief--Friend or Foe? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
No Short Cuts, No Free Passes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
Tom's Story--Did Tom Get a Free Pass? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
YES to Emotions, YES to Life! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Chapter 2: Good-Bye to Your Old Normal 19
Letting Go of What? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
A Death-Denying Culture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
You Aren't Sick, You are Grieving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
Pauline's Story--Did Grief Find Pauline at the Grocery
Store? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
I Wasn't Prepared For That . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21
A Year of Firsts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
The Gift of Clarity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
What Do I DO? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
Chapter 3: Understanding Impact from Types of Loss . 27
The First of Two Evils--Predictable Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
Amy's Story--Can a Few Words Really Be So Important? . . . . . 28
Bumps in the Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Mary's Story--No Good Deed Goes Unpunished . . . . . . . . . . . 29
Proactive Grief Is a Thief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
The "D" Word . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
What Do I DO When Someone I Love is Dying? . . . . . . . . . . . 31
The Other Evil--Sudden Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
Reactive Grief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
What Do I DO After a Sudden Death? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
Somewhere In Between . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
"What If" Game . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
Chapter 4: Loss by Type of Relationship . 35
Parent Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
Young Child Loss of Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Alice's Story--The Dangers of Magical Thinking . . . . . . . . 36
Older Child Loss of Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
Nikki's Story--Lost in Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
Teen Loss of Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Adult Loss of Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
Spouse Versus Partner Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
Harry's Story--Invalid and Invisible . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
Sibling Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
Friend Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
Pet Loss--A Silence So Loud . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
Chapter 5: Complications on the Way To
a New Normal . 45
I Quit! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
It's Raining Losses . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Secondary Losses Are Sneaky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
What Do Dirty Laundry and Unresolved Grief
Have In Common? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Steve's Story--The Cowboy and the Baby Chick . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
Closure Confusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
Chris' Story--Closure Is In the Eye of the Beholder . . . . . . . . . . 50
Road Blocks to A New Normal - Lawsuits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
A Giant Step to A New Normal--Funerals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
Bereavement Groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Chapter 6: Big Losses, Little Recognition 53
Breaking Up Is More Than Hard To Do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Loss Competition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
Loss of Financial Well Being . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
Loss of Job . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
Loss of Career . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
Loss of Business . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
Work Now, Feel Later . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
Loss of Youth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
Loss through Aging . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
Loss of Health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
What Do I DO? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
Chapter 7: Questions Answered, Myths Disspelled 65
Chapter 8: Helplessness to Resilience--The Author's Story 77
The Background . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77
From Helplessness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78
. . . To Resilience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
Conclusion

Edition details

• Publisher: Darlene F. Cross, M.S., M.F.T., Inc.
• Publication date: 2010
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0984344101
• ISBN 13: 9780984344109
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 88