The Greatest Love Story Ever Told: An Oral History - Softcover

Mullally, Megan; Offerman, Nick

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1101986697 ISBN 13: 9781101986691

Publisher: Dutton, 2019

Synopsis

*A New York Times Bestseller*

Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman reveal the full story behind their epic romance—presented in a series of intimate conversations between the couple, including photos, anecdotes, and the occasional puzzle.

The year: 2000. The setting: Los Angeles. A gorgeous virtuoso of an actress agreed to star in a random play, and a basement-dwelling scenic carpenter said he would assay a supporting role in the selfsame pageant. At the first rehearsal she surveyed her fellow cast members, determining if any of the men might qualify to provide her with a satisfying fling. Her gaze fell upon the carpenter, and like a bolt of lightning the thought struck her: no dice. Moving on.

Yet, unbeknownst to our protagonists, Cupid had merely set down his bow and picked up a rocket launcher...that fired a love rocket (not a euphemism). The players were Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman, and the resulting romance, once ignited, was...epic. Beyond epic. It resulted in a coupling that has endured to this day; a sizzling, perpetual tryst that has captivated the world with its kindness, athleticism, astonishingly low-brow humor, and true (fire emoji) passion.

How did they do it? They came from completely different families, ignored a significant age difference, and were separated by the gulf of several social strata. Megan loved books and art history; Nick loved hammers. But much more than these seemingly unsurpassable obstacles were the values they held in common: respect, decency, the ability to mention genitalia in almost any context, and an abiding obsession with the songs of Tom Waits.

Eighteen years later, they're still very much in love and have finally decided to reveal the philosophical mountains they have conquered, the lessons they've learned, and the myriad jigsaw puzzles they've completed. Presented as an oral history in a series of conversations between the couple, the book features anecdotes, hijinks, photos, and a veritable grab bag of tomfoolery. This is not only the intoxicating book that Mullally's and Offerman's fans have been waiting for, it might just hold the solution to the greatest threat facing our modern world: the single life.

About this title

About the Author

Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally are actors, performers, and comedians. Together, they have appeared in the television shows Will & Grace, Parks & Recreation, and Children's Hospital, the movies Somebody Up There Likes Me, Kings of Summer, Infinity Baby, and Smashed, and the comedy tour Summer of 69: No Apostrophe. They live in Los Angeles, California, with their pups.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

Blastoff!

Megan: All right! Bum-ba-da-dum! Blastoff! (Laughs) This is the introduction to our book. Carefully and meticulously handcrafted, word by word.

Nick: Start your engines.

M: This book consists of our time-tested insights into a number of topics, mostly in the areas of math and science.

N: It’s riddled with sordid details.

M: Sordid math details?

N: That’s right.

M: Like pi . . .

N: There are specific algorithms we created concerning the relationship between a woman and a man . . .

M: The birds and the bees.

N: The body produces its own lubrication in many instances . . .

M: Oh, wait a minute. This is the intro! Dude!

N: That’s physics!

M: No, no. Too soon! We do get into lubricants of various kinds. But not until later on in the book. Let’s not open with that.

So, Nick, how would you describe this kick-ass sheaf?

N: To my way of thinking, it’s an illustration of a relationship that the reader might find surprisingly normal. When all you have by which to judge a relationship are some grippingly cute Instagram videos, it might not occur to one that there’s a lot of banal real life.

M: So this book is all the boring stuff? (Laughs)

N: Yeah.

M: Great! It’s going to sell like hotcakes.

N: It’s worse than just cuteness and puzzles with us.

There is also a great deal of tedium.

M: We wanted to make sure we got that down on paper.

N: Yes. We intend to elaborate for your reading pleasure.

M: Who would you say is the ideal audience for this book?

N: Altar boys?

M: (Laughs) This is a multigenerational, multigenderational, postmodernist deconstruction of the greatest love story ever told. Meaning, our relationship.

N: It’s for readers young and old, male and female, as well as LGBTQ . . .

M: . . . AI.

N: AI. And also every race, religion, every creed, every political leaning will find something to learn about the body’s ability to lubricate itself.

M: No! Well, all right . . . I have to concede, that is what the book is about.

N: When you think about it, what we all have in common is a sort of assemblage of meat that has interesting nooks and crannies.

M: Well, yeah, but then you have to find another meat assemblage with its own nooks and crannies, and then you have to start making the love.

N: You’ve hooked me. If I were reading this introduction, I would now plunge ahead to chapter one.

M: That’s the hook of the book. Meatloaf.

N: Meatloaf . . . with gravy.

M: Oh god. (Laughs) You’ve circled back around.

So, yes, it is in fact a book about the love affair—the nonplatonic relationship—between Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, married couple and holders of social media accounts. That’s probably our biggest claim to fame, right?

N: Yes, that’s our thing.

M: My whole thing is really just my Twitter.

N: Two people who have thrilled millions upon social media. And also done some other things.

M: And two people who are extremely devoted to athletics. Sports! Sports of all kinds.

N: If you love sports . . .

M: You’re going to fucking shit over this book.

N: You’re going to blow a load.

M: He’s back to the lubricants here.

N: That just proves my point.

M: We have groundbreakingly divided this searing examination of a relationship between two human beings into chapters with different subject matters and headings. It’s an oral history presented to you in an organized yet playful fashion, dotted here and there with photography and cute drawings.

N: Before you dive in, make sure you’ve had a good meal. You’ll want to make sure you’re hydrated. And if you’re of age, a little bit of intoxication would not hurt the consumption of this tome. And then you may want to buckle up. Actually strap into a seat, because otherwise you might end up on the floor. If you’re wearing a hat, go ahead and remove it, because it’s guaranteed to fly off by the end of chapter three.

M: All right . . . I don’t think we’ve oversold it.

N: No, I don’t think that, of the many dangers facing us . . .

M: I think we’ve exercised a good deal of restraint in our praise of our own book about ourselves.

N: Antony and Cleopatra . . .

M: Fuck off.

N: Samson and Delilah . . .

M: Get lost.

N: Bogart and Bacall . . .

M: Never had a chance.

N: Suck it.

M: All right! See you guys in the book!

N: See you there!

Edition details

• Publisher: Dutton
• Publication date: 2019
• ISBN 10: 1101986697
• ISBN 13: 9781101986691
• Binding: Paperback
• Language: English
• Number of pages: 288