Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places

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9781118202760: Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places

How to successfully navigate and prevent conflict

From the publishers of the popular Strength Deployment Inventory, Have a Nice Conflict follows one man's fight to rescue his sinking career. Sales manager John Doyle would consider his career a success—he's his company's top revenue driver, and his take-charge attitude gets the job done. However, when he is passed over for promotion—again—after losing two direct reports, who cite his abrasive style as their reason for leaving, John is forced to reassess how he approaches his relationships. With the help of Mac, an expert in the art of Relationship Awareness Theory, John learns the three stages of conflict, and how he reacts in each.

Once John recognizes his own values and trigger points, as well those of other people, he becomes able to better navigate terse situations, express his points in a way that resonates for other people, and even avoid conflict altogether. Equipped with this new understanding of how other people interpret and react to conflict, John soon finds all the relationships in his life—both at work and at home—improving.

  • Reveals a practical understanding of how conflict really works
  • Shows how to recognize its initial stages of conflict, how to navigate it better to diffuse a situation, and how to understand the values of the other person to better frame your point for them
  • Provides guidance for moving beyond conflict to enhance relationships
  • Includes a five-step framework (anticipate, prevent, identify, manage, and resolve) and tools for locating conflict triggers in ourselves and others

Anyone can profit from the tools in this book to understand and take control over conflict.

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Review:

Q&A with the Authors of Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places

What does it mean to Have a Nice Conflict?

Having a nice conflict means preventing and managing conflict in a way that actually strengthens a relationship. To quote one of the characters in our book, “the lifeblood of any organization is people. You got conflict in your life? You're choking off your blood supply.” Have a Nice Conflict helps to make sense of the dynamics between different types of people and then details a five-step framework to prevent potential conflict and effectively manage conflict. This approach is based on the fundamentals of Relationship Awareness Theory, a self-learning model for accurately identifying the motive behind people’s behavior used by hundreds of thousands of people around the world for over forty years.

Why did you choose to write this book as a fable?
In our many years as a training publisher and certification provider, we recognize the power of stories in the learning process. People can digest concepts better when framed in a relatable story. In Have a Nice Conflict, we follow the journey of John Doyle, a midlevel sales manager in a pressure-cooker environment whose personal and career struggles stem from the way he deals with conflict.. With the help of Mac, the eccentric “conflict doctor” referred by one of John’s long-time clients, John (and the reader) explore the five keys to Have a Nice Conflict: anticipate, prevent, identify, manage, and resolve. These are skills that anyone can develop and use in everyday interactions at work and at home.

So Have a Nice Conflict isn’t just about workplace conflict?
Since conflict is a people issue—not just a work issue—it’s present wherever people see things differently: at work, at home, with friends, even in places of worship. Awareness of self and others, as well as the development of the relational skills associated with nice conflicts, can be applied in all relationships. While John Doyle originally sets out to solve his conflict problems at work, he winds up dramatically improving his relationship with his wife and kids.

Why do you use the term “prevent” instead of “avoid” conflict. Is there a difference?

Unfortunately, there is. While avoiding conflict is the well-worn path of least resistance, it can get us into more trouble and damage our relationships. In Have a Nice Conflict, readers learn how to prevent conflict—to proactively make better choices in their relationships that respect different personality types and foster powerful, productive interactions. . If a conflict can’t be prevented—and let’s face it, some conflicts will happen despite our best efforts—we can learn to manage conflict by identifying it quickly and creating conditions that lead people back to a place of feeling good about themselves.

What are your Relationship Awareness personality types?

Relationship Awareness Theory assessments look at the motivation behind behavior—why we do what we do. Results reveal your Motivational Value System, which is charted on a three-color triangle. Mike is in the Red region of the triangle (Assertive-Directing), similar to John from the book. He wants results and is very task-focused, quick to act, and likes to take charge. Reds are known to create conflict for people by moving ahead too fast, not getting buy-in from everyone concerned, and not considering the feelings of others. Tim and Kent are near by in the Red-Green blend region (Judicious-Competing). They are strategy-minded with a concern for fairness and rational leadership. Red-Greens can also be blind about the feelings of others and can cause conflict for people by being distrustful and secretive about their intentions. Fortunately, like John Doyle, we have learned a lot about preventing and managing conflict. But admittedly, we’re still works in progress (just ask our Blue-Green wives).

From the Back Cover:

Praise for Have a Nice Conflict

"A must-read for anyone who wants to master the crucial skill of preventing and navigating conflict."
Joseph Grenny, coauthor, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

"If you want to recognize conflict sooner, resolve it quicker, and get better results, read this book!"
Chuck Maisch, president, Süd-Chemie Inc.

"With a powerful message that's certain to improve your relationships at work and at home, Have a Nice Conflict is not only a wonderfully fun read, it's also a solidly credible one. Read, learn, and enjoy."
Jim Kouzes, coauthor, The Leadership Challenge; Executive Fellow of Leadership, Leavey School of Business, Santa Clara University

"With Have a Nice Conflict, the authors have captured the music and drama—and sometimes humor—of real-time conflict, as well as a road map for how to manage and avoid the conflicts we find ourselves in everyday."
Hile Rutledge, CEO and owner, Otto Kroeger Associates; coauthor, Type Talk At Work

"Have a Nice Conflict clearly details how to prevent, manage, and resolve personal and professional conflicts. With sound advice for those desiring to build partnerships with a positive win/win outcome, this is recommended reading for every member of your organization."
Donna L. Crisp, rear admiral, U.S. Navy (ret.); CEO,Crisp Atwood Group

"A great introduction to knowing yourself and collaborating effectively with others. It's also a good read; you won't be able to put it down."
Michael Maccoby, author, The Leaders We Need: And What Makes Us Follow

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